Community Chat

[lavendar]

I've been friends with Tom for forty years. Platonic. He's having surgeries for cancer on neck and is really going through hell. Also going thru a divorce.

If it were a woman I'd send flowers. Just doesn't seem right for him. I did buy a collection of funny greeting cards and will start sending them.

I have his daughter's phone no. She's taking care of him. She also has two toddlers and a full time job so I hesitate to bother her.

He's not ready for visitors; he has trouble talking and is in pain. Raising his neck is agony. He sends me brief emails. He never was one for emails.

Any suggestions are welcome.

[Mz iMac]

@lavendar  Lounging PJs w/matching robe.  Nice collection at Brooksbrothers dot com

[Sooner]

Cards with gift cards tucked in for meals or food.  He and his caregiver will need it!  Or an Amazon or Itunes card if he reads or loves music.  Card for Uber rides maybe?

[Kachina624]

My favorite platonic gift for a man is a copy of Irving Stone's book Men to Match My Mountains, a riveting novel that chronicles the exploration and settlement of the Western US.

[alicedee]

Since you have the daughter's number, why not send her a short text and see if she knows of something he needs or could use.  That is something she can quickly respond to when she has time.

An Amazon gift card ....if he wants music or an audio book, needs a pair of slippers or anything else...likely Amazon will have it.

[GCR18]

Give him your friendship.  If you are able, offer giving him a ride to the dr/hospital.  Or something a little less involved is keep those cards coming.  Make a commitment to yourself to send one or two a week.

Having been through cancer, I can tell you it can be lonely.  People don't know what to say, so they say nothing.  You get to find out who your real friends are.

[kbruyer]

Checkout the website Spoonful of Comfort. I just used it to send chicken soup to a friend that had Covid and she loved it. Just heat it up and eat. Comes with rolls and chocolate chip cookies.

[KaySD]

if he is a reader, he's probably dying for something to read--but with the pain, probably can't handle boods and printed matter. If you can afford it, give him a device that will let him listen to podcasts and audiobooks. A cheap kindle and a subscription to Audible, or something like that. Headphones maybe, so he won't disturb others. 

[speedy girl]

I like the idea someone said to just send a short text or note to his daughter and ask what might be appreciated. If she is his caretaker she will know what would be helpful and I'm sure she will have good ideas. You're a good friend. 

[Mindy D]

100% down pillow from Pacific Coast Down. He can use it on top of other pillows and it can cradle his neck and let him get into comfortable positions. Order Soft or Medium. If he's having chemo it might not be allowed. Ask his daughter. The pillows are hypercleaned and never poke through the casing. 

You can also ask his daughter what he wants or needs. I'm so sorry for your friend and for you.