First let me apologize for all the typos…I will get to that later. As some of you know, I have been taking care of my parents for a long time…yes it was stressful and I complained, but I wanted to be there for them. Dad had been bedridden for the past 18 mos. And in the final stages of dementia. Mom at 79 was still very insistent on keeping him home even in the last few months that she has been on a walker…her better knee finally gave out too. She did at least have the help of 2 part time caregivers and me.
On Nov. 4th dad had a bit of a fall being transferred from his barton chair back into bed - it was something done infrequently. The paramedics were called, mom refused for dad to be transported…he suffered a bad arm tear but otherwise seemed ok. The following Monday dad was in so much pain the visiting nurse and doctor insisted mom call the paramedics and transport him to the hospital to be x-rayed.
Well as always with my family the hospital is not a good place for any of us. Dad checked out ok but was a 3 person assist so they would not release him. The following morning they did a swallow study on him and put him on a pureed diet with thickened liquids…so thick you could turn the cup upside down and nothing would come out. The one thing dad still loved to do is eat…and keeping him hydrated is something that has been hammered into us since he had the catheter inserted 3 ½ years ago. Dad would not eat or drink, we begged them to at least give him IV fluids but they ignored us. Sure enough dad dehydrated, his catheter backed up and he got a raging UTI. The hospital then wanted to insert a feeding tube but that was against dads wishes…I agreed to a picc line mostly for moms benefit. The hospital started pushing the feeding tube again or we were to call in hospice which we did because they assured us dad would be allowed to eat and drink whatever he wanted…Dad was then released to a NH in hopes he would become strong enough for a 2 person assist. The NH refused to follow our wishes or hospice instructions and give dad a regular diet.
This is where I come in and mess everything up for everyone…on Thanksgiving I suffered a freak accident and broke my right shoulder badly - we are still waiting to see if it requires surgery. I cant’ drive, dress myself etc…and let me tell you there are not enough pillows or vicodin in the world. Because of my injury I could not be as available to mom and dad when they needed me most. Early last Saturday morning we got a call from the NH that dad was running a high fever and experienced what they thought was a seizure, he was having difficulty breathing so they started him on morphine.
We sat with dad all morning, he was non responsive…The hospice nurse spent about an hour with us and said people go on 3-4 weeks like this. We left for a few hours and came back in the late afternoon, dad was still the same. Mom was afraid to leave him but ran home to take care of their dog. One of dads caregivers called mom and asked if she could spend the night with dad, mom agreed. She went and shaved and massaged dad as she always had and dad fell into a deep sleep like he always did when she worked on him…and then he took his last breath. I feel horrible that we were not with him but am glad he went peacefully and was not alone. Dads funeral was yesterday…it still doesn’t seem real to me. I will always and forever be daddys little girl…
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