hihi --
you needn't read all the way through, and there's certainly no obligation to respond. i just feel the need to catalogue why i'm sad tonight ... sort of a "poor me" kind of post. i'd write this in my blog if i had one, or my diary. tonight this is my diary.
i've had three hospitalizations since october, four since the spring. the most recent three have all been kidney stone related. first i got a urinary tract infection that went to my kidney. then i got another one that went into my bloodstream. they sent me home with a picc line so i could give myself IV antibiotics. i got a blood clot from the picc line that landed me back in the hospital. the doctors are attributing these ongoing problems to a kidney stone that won't budge. i need surgery to get rid of the stone, but can't have the surgery until the clot is gone. that should be end of february-ish.
in the meanwhile, i'm on a bloodthinner to prevent the clot from getting bigger or more clots from forming, and an antibiotic to ward off further kidney stone related infections. okay. i can deal with that. over the weekend my face started hurting. went to the doctor on monday. i have a sinus infection, a salivary gland infection, and (as i found out on tuesday from my dentist) a tooth that needs a root canal. add one more antibiotic and some tylenol lll.
while all this was happening, one of my 2 cats was losing weight. took her to the vet. vet sent us to a specialist who diagnosed terminal cancer. so we're going day by day. she's not eating much and definitely has slowed down. it's very very sad.
my father, who pays for the balance of my prescriptions after insurance pays their part, wants me to get different health insurance so he won't have to pay so much. on the face of it, that's not an unreasonable request. unfortunately, since i have so many pre-existing conditions, no one wants to insure me. the only policy the agent could find is an HMO, in which neither my internist nor my psychiatrist participate. that would mean thousands of dollars out-of-pocket, as i refuse to find replacements for my two most important doctors. we're kind of at a stand-off on that one.
still no word on disability. every month i get a form letter from my lawyer's assistant saying that we're waiting to be assigned to a judge for a hearing. this could go on for many more months.
today, while entering the parking garage for my appt. w/my endocrinologist, i got distracted and did i'm not sure what to my car. all i know is that it made that horrible metal on metal screeching noise. can't find any scratches or scrapes, but it was very scary.
my endocrinologist said he doesn't know what to do with me. that's not the first time i've heard that from a doctor, but it doesn't get easier to hear. he's basically thrown the ball back into my court and told me to lose weight. he knows that i binge when i'm stressed and he agrees that i have a lot to be stressed about.
my tooth was hurting so badly this morning that i called the dentist, hoping for a prescription for pain meds. he in turn called the endodontist to see if my root canal could be done sooner than monday. my endodontist's partner, someone i've never met, will be starting the root canal tomorrow. apparently after the first half is done, there's no more pain, and the second half can be done days later. i'm scared of new doctors. i'm also scared of insulting people who are trying to help me, so i didn't say that i didn't want to have this done. that means that nine and a half hours from now, i'll be sitting in the chair, waiting for some stranger to start my root canal.
there's more. isn't there always more? but i'm sleepy and my mouth hurts so it's time for meds and bed.
good night.
bunny. the dangerously complicated rabbit.
ps and no, i don't want any cheese with my w(h)ine. vegan cheese really isn't all that tasty. thanks anyway.
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