re:divorce post

kitten809in · ‎09-27-2010

thanks to all the kind words and encouragement. this has been brewing for a long time. really think he wanted out of the marriage but didn't have he backbone to do it himself sooo he had been sen be me and other church members hugging a certain woman. Now I have seen this but guess I didn't want to tink anything was going on. this man has ha heart surgery and is on a lot of medications so I can't think there is anything going on in that department. Then last sunday I saw them both head back to kitchen at church s I followed sure enough they were hugging again and he looked right at me. when I asked him about it he says they have been friends for years. some more things about her I won't go into here but there have been too many coindences with her showing up where I am , and once following me when I was going shopping, how did she know where I was going to be, just strange. to all who replied I am retired and 77 years old and my last marriage as to a wonderful man who knew how to be a husband and I lot him when he was 44, was a widow for ten years. So now in about 60 days I will be single again and won't be getting married to anyon else(been there done that)

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@kitten809in

I wish you the best .... take time and nurture yourself. If you have any more questions, there are plenty of knowledgeable people who can give you their feedback so you can make the right decision.

Consider yourself hugged ... twice.

Tink

Deb1010yetagain · ‎12-09-2013

@kitten809in welcome to the forums and all the best.

Witchy Woman · ‎03-15-2010

I'm no expert, but if you think something is "going on", it likely is. But, realistically, it may just be an "emotional affair" given his health. They are just as damaging as a physical affair. More so in some ways.

Even so, it is time and attention he could be giving to you and your marriage.

Nevertheless, not knowing all the particulars of your past with this man, I think you are making the right decision. You know what a good marriage is, so why tolerate another day of a bad one if you don't have to.

I wish you peace and happiness whatever your path.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I am really sorry that you've been going through such a very stressful time. I wish you only the best. In time you will be OK but I know the weeks and months ahead will be rough. I've seen my daughter, my brother, and my best friend go through divorce. They're all doing well now. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself time to grieve because this is the death of a marriage. You can write to us here but you should also turn to friends and family and, if necessary, counseling. Take care of yourself and keep us posted. Good luck!

SouthernBee · ‎09-16-2010

@kitten809in: My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please document everything you do. Purchase a legal pad . Document everything. The date and times and persons talked with including any phone conversations and office visits. Please notify your bank and credit bureau and update your credit report. My story: Spouse walked out on a Saturday. He called Saturday nite demanding a divorce and refused any marriage talks or help. That Monday : I called the bank and credit union. I went to the credit bureau and filed a new report. The house was mine before we married. Before I returned home : I purchased new door locks and a device to put on car to prevent theft. I purchased a new car the month before he walked out. The credit union was slow to take action on my account. The following Friday he went to the credit union and obtain a cash advance on the Visa card ( found out later he intended to use this to pay for divorce). Saturday morning credit union called to explain problem. I gave them the problem when I advised I called earlier in week to secure account and they failed to act. I called Visa: They wanted all my documentation ( notes on phone calls etc.) Visa indicated they would have the credit union investigated and start fraud charges on spouse and I was not responsible to pay money back. He wanted the divorce and new car. He could not afford the car but wanted me to pay for it and pay him alimony. I did not go to court and requested my name back since no kids. He got the divorce and nothing else. His girlfriend left him a few months later. I focused on work, church activities and helping others. I said that I would never marry again but God had a better plan and several years later sent me a wonderful Christian man that is very loving and supportive. Next month will be our 15th anniversary!!! Right now your emotions are extreme but do what you need to do and take time to morn the loss of your marriage.

Deb1010yetagain · ‎12-09-2013

@SouthernBee wrote:
@kitten809in: My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please document everything you do. Purchase a legal pad . Document everything. The date and times and persons talked with including any phone conversations and office visits. Please notify your bank and credit bureau and update your credit report. My story: Spouse walked out on a Saturday. He called Saturday nite demanding a divorce and refused any marriage talks or help. That Monday : I called the bank and credit union. I went to the credit bureau and filed a new report. The house was mine before we married. Before I returned home : I purchased new door locks and a device to put on car to prevent theft. I purchased a new car the month before he walked out. The credit union was slow to take action on my account. The following Friday he went to the credit union and obtain a cash advance on the Visa card ( found out later he intended to use this to pay for divorce). Saturday morning credit union called to explain problem. I gave them the problem when I advised I called earlier in week to secure account and they failed to act. I called Visa: They wanted all my documentation ( notes on phone calls etc.) Visa indicated they would have the credit union investigated and start fraud charges on spouse and I was not responsible to pay money back. He wanted the divorce and new car. He could not afford the car but wanted me to pay for it and pay him alimony. I did not go to court and requested my name back since no kids. He got the divorce and nothing else. His girlfriend left him a few months later. I focused on work, church activities and helping others. I said that I would never marry again but God had a better plan and several years later sent me a wonderful Christian man that is very loving and supportive. Next month will be our 15th anniversary!!! Right now your emotions are extreme but do what you need to do and take time to morn the loss of your marriage.

@SouthernBee what a lovely ending to your story. Thanks for sharing and good advice.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

Sorry you are going through this.

Chrystaltree2 · ‎12-08-2014

It's terrible to go through that, especially at your age. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Ending the marriage is the easy part. Dealing with the pain and disappointment iwill be much harder. I hope you are getting help with that. And I hope you took your finances into consideration.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@kitten809in wrote:
thanks to all the kind words and encouragement. this has been brewing for a long time. really think he wanted out of the marriage but didn't have he backbone to do it himself sooo he had been sen be me and other church members hugging a certain woman. Now I have seen this but guess I didn't want to tink anything was going on. this man has ha heart surgery and is on a lot of medications so I can't think there is anything going on in that department. Then last sunday I saw them both head back to kitchen at church s I followed sure enough they were hugging again and he looked right at me. when I asked him about it he says they have been friends for years. some more things about her I won't go into here but there have been too many coindences with her showing up where I am , and once following me when I was going shopping, how did she know where I was going to be, just strange. to all who replied I am retired and 77 years old and my last marriage as to a wonderful man who knew how to be a husband and I lot him when he was 44, was a widow for ten years. So now in about 60 days I will be single again and won't be getting married to anyon else(been there done that)

I wish you my best. I do hope that things will work out for you. If a man is 77 and still being unfaithful, it shows I guess that being monogomous is impossible for some men no matter their age.