Community Chat

[CouponQueen]

I am sorry for all of this bunny...I know you are financially dependent on them which really makes the situation difficult. Otherwise I would say what is best for you is what is best and that would be no contact..

Your mother allowed you to be treated like this for years and if I am not mistaken there was other ""things"" that happened that made him not a father at all but an abuser.

I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I don't. I think coming here and venting is a good thing.

Wengirl said it best!!

[velveteenb]

hihi --

i had to step away last night, as i was getting overwhelmed. thank you so much for continuing to post without me. when i returned today, i said a great big "wow"! i am in awe of your kindness, support and insight. how nice to see old friends whom i've missed and also make so many new friends! part of the silver lining to my life is the kind and gentle people who have helped me along the way, and for that (for you) i am grateful.

i decided not to go to today's appointment. i am already obligated to lunch with them Thursday, dinner Saturday when my sister and nephew come to town, and mother's day brunch on Sunday. that's more than enough!

************

ROMARY - he has never been anything approaching a normal parent. i appreciate your perspective regarding the doctor. i did mention in my original post that when i've asked questions at medical appointments the doctors have been told not to answer. perhaps witnessing that would have been useful information for this new doctor, but the others could easily fill him in. plus, early on, my father was keeping my mother's pain medicine from her, because he had decided/decreed it was up to him when she was allowed to take it. that i could not abide. i had been forbidden to call any of the doctors. i tried anyway, and they refused to take my calls. at a loss, i e-mailed the surgeon who was consulting on her case. i don't know if that's why things changed, but at least she has control over her pills now.

gato? - i appreciate your caring. there is no sitting down alone with him and having a rational conversation. first of all, i will NOT be alone with him, as he continues to touch me inappropriately. yes, that sounds ludicrous considering his age and mine. it is nonetheless true (as of a year or so ago). second, i expressed over and over again in Saturday's conversation that i know they must be afraid, that i only want what's best for both of them, and that chronic pain can kill. it doesn't matter what i say, or when or where or how often. in his world, he is King Right and i am ... whatever the opposite might be! i am always wrong, is what it boils down to. it's wrong and it's sick, but the two of them are a team. i have done what i can.

{{{ Noel }}}! - i was hoping you'd show up! you are infallibly gentle and generous toward me, and i ... i would say i love you for that, but ... you know. it's a bulletin board and all that. still, thank you! having said that, talkinf to her doesn't work because she's mostly zoned out on narcotics. my sister thought i was making it up until she got a big dose by phone the other day. it's all horrific as is; i have no desire to embellish. as i said to ROMARY above, i have no access to the doctors, especially now that the surgeon is off the case. thank you for the dreck acknowledgment and your loving words.

the sun is in my eyes. let me post this, please, and reposition.

bunny. tdcr.

[NoelSeven]

Dear bunny

Re:

{{{ Noel }}}! - i was hoping you'd show up! you are infallibly gentle and generous toward me, and i ... i would say i love you for that, but ... you know. it's a bulletin board and all that. still, thank you! having said that, talkinf to her doesn't work because she's mostly zoned out on narcotics. my sister thought i was making it up until she got a big dose by phone the other day. it's all horrific as is; i have no desire to embellish. as i said to ROMARY above, i have no access to the doctors, especially now that the surgeon is off the case. thank you for the dreck acknowledgment and your loving words.

the sun is in my eyes. let me post this, please, and reposition.

bunny. tdcr.

***********************

I do care about you a lot If it's come to that with your family, then all you can do is sit back, knowing what will be will be. You've always done your best for them and now it's out of your hands. I know this is painful for you, your voice has been silenced, but they don't listen anyway.

I agree with others who have suggested you must take care of yourself now. You are such a beautiful person, and you know... you're stronger than you used to be

Noel

[velveteenb]

hihi --

better!

***************

kdgn - thank you for finding me here. i know you understand what's going on. thank you for recognizing that she's "out there". her responses have been off my whole life and it still feels like validation when someone comments on it. thank you for your unconditional support; it's obviously something i don't get from anyone to whom i am related, so i appreciate it extra from someone like you who doesn't have to!

pistolino - who are you and why haven't we met before? it's a pleasure to meet you! yes, personality disorder and yes, team. you're good! thank you for every single word you wrote, and the intelligence and caring behind them, especially for "parents or not, sick or not". thank you. and also - condolences on your loss. i am so sorry.

MrsSweetieBear - yippee! did you see that i posted to you on a different thread several days ago? it might have been the one about children's books, but maybe not. regardless, i am very happy to see you! thank you for your very kind words. and yes, abuse and yes, she was (is) complicit. there is no ignoring that man when in the same room, it just makes him worse. anyway, i stayed home, so yay for me! i hope all is well with you and yours! {{{ you }}}

game-on - you are someone else with whom i'm surprised not to have posted before. thank you for showing up here, and for sharing your wisdom. you got it, that NO is not part of my vocabulary with them. i won't detail how that came to be, as i imagine you've already figured it out. you totally got it -- the torture, the trusting my instincts, the titrating exposure. i'm so sorry that it seems, if i read you correctly, that you're speaking from experience. i'm glad your sanity was saved and that you're here. thank you and right back at {{{ you }}}.

JulesJulesJules - i have missed you!!! i didnt want to do a shout out, so i'm really glad you're here! how are you doing? how is puppy, and does she have a name? any time you want to share insurance horror stories, just let me know and i'm there! (not in any way making light of your situation at all. just my way of saying i'm here, if you want or need.) thank you for the soft hugs and the special prayer. our situations are, i believe, quite different. i have never been hugged by anyone in my immediate family; i think a cousin might have hugged me once. no one says "i love you". i wasn't allowed to sit on laps or cuddle or snuggle as a child. i was beaten for crying, until she beat it out of me. i have not cried ... i think since about fifth grade, maybe earlier. so while she might've wanted me there today so that i could "keep [my] mouth shut and maybe learn something", i did not find that a compelling reason to attend. i don't in any way wish her ill, and i hope this doctor can help her. my presence or absence does not change that. if i sound harsh, i don't mean to, and it's not pointed at you. sometimes they just bring that out in me. i think it's a defense mechanism on my part.

Still Raining - thank you for choosing that bit to quote; i'm still surprised by it! ^5 back atcha!

occasional rain - actually, he continues to catch me off guard. striking first and/or abusing him in any way is not in my nature. from my perspective, it would be cruel, illegal, and simply wrong. i am curious, though, why you suggested it and would like to understand your reasoning better.

bunny. tdcr. (more to follow)

[velveteenb]

lovely Noel --

i do know. it scares me, but i'm a lot stronger. i'm not (knock on wood) dissociating and afraid he's lurking outside my door. i'm not cutting and burning.

example: it looks as though the fire extinguisher on my landing has been tampered with. in the past, i would have been sure he had sent someone to do it, and i'd be terrified that the building would soon go up in flames. instead, i called maintenance today and let them know. no cowering. residual fear twinges, but that's okay. i'm still me, after all!

thanks for reminding me "they don't listen anyway". no frills or candy coating. i needed that! (and thank *you* for always hearing me and listening.)

bunny. tdcr.

[tansy]

I couldn't find any words for you yesterday, bunny, but have been thinking about you. Did you hold fast or end up going to the appointment?

[chickenbutt]

Hey V Bun!

Sorry you're going through all this (family stuff - SSDD, eh?) and sorry your mother is having such a struggle. I just wanted to send you big hugs, good vibes, and positive thoughts!!

chicky

[velveteenb]

hihi --

i will reply to the posts i didn't yet get to, later. (was that english?)

for now, i am going to watch Judge Judy. i want to immerse myself in a world where the good guys win and the bad guys get called out in public with no equivocation. somedays i wish she did freelance work.

bunny. tdcr.

[game-on]

precious bunny..... we have posted previously.... the posts were short but meaningful, to me.... I feel your pain and I appreciate your sensitivity.... I knew it came from a deep place.... glad you stayed home today..... another thing I learned to do was walk out of painful situations.... I didn't owe anyone an explanation.... I just got up and left.... I didn't want to be part of the situation anymore.... I wouldn't be abused anymore..... so when I felt myself at the edge of being sucked in, I just got up and left.... I always kept cab fare with me or drove wherever I went..... I fought so hard to stay sane.... when I learned how freeing it was to walk, it made me so much stronger..... I wish you so much strength.... (((hugs)))

[minkbunny]

my dear velvet bunny,

I just want to reach out, hug you, tell you that you are not alone, and send you serene thoughts.