Community Chat

[SahmIam]

I don't know one couple that hasn't had mommy and daddy pay for it. I hear the wedding news from their parents POV because they are around my age and all I do is smile and nod.

Of course I'm thinking "You're an IDIOT to be paying for this vulgar display of nothingness but hey, it's your money so do your thing".

Not happening in my world and my boys ALL know this. Like the old saying goes "a fool and their money......."

[NAES1]

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@hckynut wrote:

@ @hckynut from NAES•<

@newziesuzie

We spent less than $100 on our wedding. An inordinate amount spent on a wedding? Seems to me, unless you have unlimited funds, could be better spent keeping a marriage together.

I think that finance problems are "right up there" when it comes to the "why" of divorces. Have never understood it and never will get why so much money is spent on any wedding.

The fact that I am more practical when it comes to spending money, and we paid for our own, might help "get it" with my vision of a wedding.

hckynut(john)

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   How absolutely Impressed with your answer!

I read your post 3 times and definitely _IT_ made premium sense \CENTS.......

I, along with groom to be made a commitment to never go beyond a very small wedding...under 10 loved ones.

             I am from a family - so was my to be husband, to have the """" hit """" Affair of the season wedding.

Both of us are darn savvy $ conscious of money spent out...including almost everything.

 We bought a beautiful home, waited 3 years to have our family. 

I had my education, as well as my husband's extended 20 + years in a professional career. 

That ```JUST be the reason we want for very little, almost 0.

 The only stipulation was ~ from the both of us, the marriage ceremony had to be sacred, having our minister officially pronounce US man and wife.

I had viewed a national documentary one month ago about debt in the USA, and the monies spent, on just about EVERYTHING....over their ( any family) >>>>>>means of living.

I was totally surprised, [ °not shocked°] that over 83% of any average family could NOT come UP with $ 1,000.00 ----….....immediately,  in the event of any emergency!

I wish to remain debt free and always have the ability to pay cash for any purchase, including having a hefty amount of either cash or saving access' to readily available assessable at a moment's notice.

I saw abso!utely Nothing funny about Jubliant's post ( jokingly said) Little house on the prairie. Awww shucks, NO!

As my father, wise before his time, said: ' it shouldn't be costly to be born - to die- or to be married. 

I can Not speak to ``` concerning divorces; that is [a foreign] in it by  ∆ its loneliness.

Everything is, now, is a BIG Business!

Good Luck to A L L!  

   NAES

@                                         @hckynut

[shoekitty]

I think income varies all over the country.  In the county (Santa Clara County) I live in medium income is over 100,000, and that is on the lower side.  The average 3 bed 2 bath, 1900 sq ft home is around 600,000. That is more like a town house or starter home here.    That doesn't mean anyone LIVES any better, it means  you make more, things cost more..everyone is even, LOL! Weddings are a huge business here.  That said, most of the people I know (my kids, grandkids friends, my friends families) help pay for their own weddings.  In fact the grooms families pitch in as well.  It all depends.  In fact many brides and grooms I know purchase a condo, home before they are married.  There are those whose parents splurge, and in wealthier circles the price is paid..  It is easy to spend 50,000 on a wedding.  It depends on where you have it. and when it comes to weddings there are so few rules when it comes to who is paying.

Some people are just naysayers.  If someone wants a wedding that costs more, so be it IF they want to do it.  I have married 3 daughters, each wedding was so special.  I have had the big church wedding, the Malibu beach wedding ( total cost 2,000) and a Tahoe destination  wedding.  They were each what my daughter wanted, and each one came off like a million bucks.  Because they were my kids, they were so happy and  they are still married TO THE SAME PERSON!  LOL One daughter delebrated her 20th.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Sooner wrote:

It's a sympton of more money than sense, truly isn't it?

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@Sooner

Just curious ... why are so many people so snarky about what people spend on a wedding?   

I can understand it if people have very little money they should definitely keep it simple, but if they can afford something bigger, so what?    

[ECBG]

Maybe it's "my little girl deserves the best" but I can't believe the average parent doesn't realize that a lavish wedding doesn't  mean a good, sound marriage, or maybe Dad needs to make up for not being there.

In addition, I know some parents are social climbers and are using the child's wedding as a business "pay back".

When my seniors were looking forward and asked me about great big weddings, I asked them how many people would be truly interested in being with them most or all of their lives?  Are you entertaining someone that you won't be thinking about in six months?

Where I live a lot of kids will opt for a smaller wedding and use the money as a down payment for a home.  Good for them, and those parents!!!

[Tinkrbl44]

Back in the "olden days", a young woman would get engaged and run out and buy a bunch of wedding magazines .... and the discussions and planning would begin.  Low tech and easy to stay within a budget.   Well, it was easier back then ....

Now we have Wedding Planners .....  websites galore on all sorts of dresses and decorations .....   TV shows about wedding dresses and destination weddings ..... and let's not forget that every Bakery, Caterer, Wedding Venue, Wedding Dress designer etc etc etc has WEBSITES full of all sorts of tempting ideas that can inflate a simple idea for a wedding into a Hollywood Extravaganza .... and there's no end in sight.   

We eloped and I was glad I did ..... my best friend's parents argued about her wedding and the money until they weren't speaking to each other any more.   Two weeks after my friend returned from her honeymoon, her parents told her they were getting a divorce.

[Sooner]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@Sooner wrote:

It's a sympton of more money than sense, truly isn't it?

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@Sooner

Just curious ... why are so many people so snarky about what people spend on a wedding?   

I can understand it if people have very little money they should definitely keep it simple, but if they can afford something bigger, so what?    

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I voiced an opinion.  So what?

[september]

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@SahmIam wrote:

I don't know one couple that hasn't had mommy and daddy pay for it. I hear the wedding news from their parents POV because they are around my age and all I do is smile and nod.

Of course I'm thinking "You're an IDIOT to be paying for this vulgar display of nothingness but hey, it's your money so do your thing".

Not happening in my world and my boys ALL know this. Like the old saying goes "a fool and their money......."

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Well...then that's your experience.  Many couples pay for their own weddings, and since the couples tend to be older these days...it's the norm.  If the parents contribute (as I did when my son got married, and his wife's family did, too) then they can have a little more to spend. 

I think it's insulting of you to say that parents are "idiots" because they want to help their children have a nice event to share with their family and friends.  

And weddings are not just for the bride and groom.  They are happy events for the parents, grandparents, all the extended family, etc.  I'm really surprised to read some of the remarks here.  It makes me think some of you must not have very close relationships with your children.  Sorry about that, but don't begrudge those of us who do and want to participate in the wedding expenses.  

[Shorty2U]

Such a waste of money. I had a huge Italian wedding with 300 people (sit down dinner/open bar) for my first wedding in the 70s. It was a lot but not near that price back then! (AND I ended up divorced after 19 years).

I got remarried 9 years ago and had immediate family ONLY and my dad was still alive then (but not my mom), and my dad looked at me and said my 2nd wedding was better than my 1st. I agreed (looking back in retrospect), but I didn't say anything except thanks for the compliment (because I know my parents spent a lot back then for my first wedding and I didn't want to hurt my dads feelings).