"White lies"? Do you think some lies are ok? - Page 8

itiswhatitis · ‎05-27-2016

@WenGirl42 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@WenGirl42 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@jaxs mom wrote:
I have no problem lying when people ask things that they have no right to know in the first place. Depending on who it is, I will tell them it's none of their business but sometimes that isn't the best way to handle it. For example, a coworker or your boss.

I'm also ok with Drs telling family members that the person didn't suffer when they actually did. It really serves no purpose to tell them their loved one died a horrible death. But don't tell the patient a lie, especially not when they ask for the truth.
There's more than one way to say "it's none of your business." One of my favorites is: "I'd prefer not to say." I can do this in a way that makes no one look bad. If a compliment is given and someone say's where did you get that? If I don't want to say, oh, this old thing....it's nothing and keep it moving. It's an "art" I've learned to get me through life with nosey people.

I have no experience with telling someone about death and how they died. However, I would imagine if it is a terrible disease then I would explain it as best as I could. Here, you don't have to be gruesome. It's not what you say sometimes; it's how you say it.

Yes, I want my doctors to tell me the truth!
Funnily enough, the example you give of your "art" is a lie (unless everything of yours someone happens to compliment is actually old and nothing? Weird.) The truth would be, "that's none of your business," or "I'd prefer not to say." But you don't say the truth because it's rude and unecessary. Hmmmmmm.

You might not know any better. Fact is there are ways to get your point across without being rude. If you don't know how you could learn. I did. Communication with people is an "art." Didn't you learn that in college? How to be assertive but not a B? How do you think good sales folk make a living?

The examples I gave would not be lies. They would be the truth. If someone complimented on something I got that's new, how "new is it depends on who you ask. Subjective. I bought a pair of shoes last week (to me they are no longer NEW). It's NOT about what you say ~ IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT.
No...if you got something new and said it was old, that's a lie. You are lying to avoid being rude or not say something you'd prefer not to. That's okay; everyone does it.

That's what my answer was: "What this old thing?". So what's next? Got anything else?

*Call Tyrone*

WenGirl42 · ‎07-05-2012

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@WenGirl42 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@WenGirl42 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@jaxs mom wrote:
I have no problem lying when people ask things that they have no right to know in the first place. Depending on who it is, I will tell them it's none of their business but sometimes that isn't the best way to handle it. For example, a coworker or your boss.

I'm also ok with Drs telling family members that the person didn't suffer when they actually did. It really serves no purpose to tell them their loved one died a horrible death. But don't tell the patient a lie, especially not when they ask for the truth.
There's more than one way to say "it's none of your business." One of my favorites is: "I'd prefer not to say." I can do this in a way that makes no one look bad. If a compliment is given and someone say's where did you get that? If I don't want to say, oh, this old thing....it's nothing and keep it moving. It's an "art" I've learned to get me through life with nosey people.

I have no experience with telling someone about death and how they died. However, I would imagine if it is a terrible disease then I would explain it as best as I could. Here, you don't have to be gruesome. It's not what you say sometimes; it's how you say it.

Yes, I want my doctors to tell me the truth!
Funnily enough, the example you give of your "art" is a lie (unless everything of yours someone happens to compliment is actually old and nothing? Weird.) The truth would be, "that's none of your business," or "I'd prefer not to say." But you don't say the truth because it's rude and unecessary. Hmmmmmm.

You might not know any better. Fact is there are ways to get your point across without being rude. If you don't know how you could learn. I did. Communication with people is an "art." Didn't you learn that in college? How to be assertive but not a B? How do you think good sales folk make a living?

The examples I gave would not be lies. They would be the truth. If someone complimented on something I got that's new, how "new is it depends on who you ask. Subjective. I bought a pair of shoes last week (to me they are no longer NEW). It's NOT about what you say ~ IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT.
No...if you got something new and said it was old, that's a lie. You are lying to avoid being rude or not say something you'd prefer not to. That's okay; everyone does it.

That's what my answer was: "What this old thing?". So what's next? Got anything else?

Why would there be anything else? One example of you telling a harmless little lie instead of telling the truth is sufficient to prove my point. Like I said, it's not a bad thing. Everyone does it. Just not everyone admits it...

Barbara-QVC · ‎10-12-2015

Moved:

This post has been removed by QVC because it is argumentative.

newziesuzie · ‎02-21-2014

@Mrsq2022 wrote:
I think that we all lie, whether we choose to admit it or not is up to you.

At time I lie about my "opinion" because an opinion is completely subjective and doesn't really matter most of the time. I laugh at my bosses or collegues jokes that aren't funny. I've told people at potluck that their dish was tasty when they've asked what I think... I coulsnt imagine responding with "I want to spit it out" when someone's feelings are at stake and it is inconsequential how I feel.

I think that harmless white lies about your own "opinion" that consider people's feelings can be good.

I do do not lie about "facts". That is where I think I draw the line. I don't claim that I've seen something that I didn't see, I don't lie about where I've been or what I've done. To those I might say "none of your business" but I don't fabricate the truth. I think that when people start fabricating the truth about "facts" it becomes a problem.

Good point and distinctions

@Mrsq2022.

😊

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fourpaws56 · ‎03-04-2015

No, a lie is a lie, I am brutally honest but in a way not to hurt feelings or offend, lol, my DIL asked me if an outfit she had on made her look fat, I said no but I didn't like how it looked on her...she changed outfits.. btw, she is not fat...

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

@jubilant wrote:
A friend told me a cute story yesterday. She was dropping her grandson off somewhere and he is little so she had to park and walk him in and stay awhile. It looked like a storm was coming in and she didn't want to park too far away. Her 7 yr. old granddaughter was with them. She decided to pull into an empty handicap parking spot. She had her mother's handicap parking sign in the car as she had taken her someplace the day before. Her little granddaughter looked at her and said "Grandma, are you handicapped"? She told me she fumbled around for an excuse but didn't have one so she said to her, "No, I'm not" rather sheepishly. Next, her granddaughter proceeded to tell her that you are not supposed to park in a handicap spot if you're not handicapped. This "grandma" told me over the phone yesterday, "Boy, I'm never going to do that again!!!!

I edited this to add something important I forgot....After her granddaughter said what she said.....Grandma did immediately back out of that handicapped spot and parked elsewhere.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

To the OP: absolutely.

Winifred · ‎03-09-2010

I agree absolutely - even my wise Mother use to say that. There is never a reason to deliberately hurt someone.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

Depends on what your definition of a "lie" is.

A lie is an untruth told out of greed, malice, anger, or covetousness - in other words, for evil or sinful motives.

Sparing someone's feelings by evading a direct answer or even 'telling a white lie" isn't lying. It's being considerate and not wanting to hurt the other person.

It's the intention behind it.

If lying is either true/false, then anything and everything you say would have to be fact-checked.

Caligurll · ‎07-20-2014

@jubilant wrote:
@jubilant wrote:
A friend told me a cute story yesterday. She was dropping her grandson off somewhere and he is little so she had to park and walk him in and stay awhile. It looked like a storm was coming in and she didn't want to park too far away. Her 7 yr. old granddaughter was with them. She decided to pull into an empty handicap parking spot. She had her mother's handicap parking sign in the car as she had taken her someplace the day before. Her little granddaughter looked at her and said "Grandma, are you handicapped"? She told me she fumbled around for an excuse but didn't have one so she said to her, "No, I'm not" rather sheepishly. Next, her granddaughter proceeded to tell her that you are not supposed to park in a handicap spot if you're not handicapped. This "grandma" told me over the phone yesterday, "Boy, I'm never going to do that again!!!!
I edited this to add something important I forgot....After her granddaughter said what she said.....Grandma did immediately back out of that handicapped spot and parked elsewhere.

I have a friend who kept her husband's handicapped license plates after he passed away and continued parking in handicapped spaces. Knowing she does this has had a major impact on our friendship. To me, doing this is much worse than any white lie. I've asked her about it and she says she is going to turn them in but I don't know if she has yet. But this went on for over a year. I don't really understand how she has been able to get away with registering the car. What I really don't understand is how she has been able to justify it to herself. Unfortunately, this has changed my view of her because this is such a wrong thing to do on so many levels and for me shows a lack of consideration and respect for others.

My best friend and I occasionally go clothes shopping together, and we ask each other how the clothing looks when were are trying them on. We are both looking for honest answers in the dressing rooms. But once I buy something and wear it, I don't ask how something looks, because I like it on me and I don't care what others think. The same goes with my hair, I don't ask for opinions.

If someone asks me how clothing/hair/jewelry looks, I say it looks good on them, or a similar positive reply.