Re: "White lies"? Do you think some lies are ok?

Verdana · ‎02-21-2013

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:

I stopped lying to spare people their feelings 10 years ago. The opening question of this thread is "Do you think some lies are ok? My answer the first time was No, my answer now, still remains NO. The way I was raised there was never a reason to lie. Of course, I did though. When we communicate with good intentions, it doesn't have to turn out to be a lie. This is just my personal experience. It's all in how we say it (intent) and letting that person know you have their best interest at heart.

If you love your friends and value true friendship (and they you), this would not be a problem.

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It's not a problem for me at all, and I just gave a good reason for not adding to my daughter's worry today.

I think many of us know people who are proud of never avoiding hurting someone they supposedly care about. I also think they have no idea what some others really think of them.

I hear ya, Noel. You have been ill. I'm glad you're back and well enough to post. I value your opinions here.

I'm sorry you've been too ill to participate here @Noel7. We never know what each of us is going through. I value everyone's opinions here, helps to read and ponder the variety. Best wishes to you.

KALLIE · ‎02-17-2016

@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@itiswhatitis wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@Verdana wrote:

People find ways to justify lies all the time. "White lie" or whatever is just a way to try to make nice with it.

What about starting bait threads, pretending it's about one thing when really it's something else. Lies abound every day, and excuses to justify them imho.

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@Verdana

There are good reasons to tell white lies, are you saying you never do?

My daughter is very worried about my health. As she leaves for work today she asks if my pain is a little better. I tell her it is a little better so as not to worry her, she has a lot on her plate right now, I don't want to add to it.

There's an old Jim Carrey movie, LIar Liar. If I remember correctly, part of it is that he cannot tell a lie, any lie, and he hurts a lot of people and endangers his job... things like that.

IMO it's silly to think we must always blurt out the truth, no matter what.

I stopped lying to spare people their feelings 10 years ago. The opening question of this thread is "Do you think some lies are ok? My answer the first time was No, my answer now, still remains NO. The way I was raised there was never a reason to lie. Of course, I did though. When we communicate with good intentions, it doesn't have to turn out to be a lie. This is just my personal experience. It's all in how we say it (intent) and letting that person know you have their best interest at heart.

If you love your friends and value true friendship (and they you), this would not be a problem.

*********************************************

It's not a problem for me at all, and I just gave a good reason for not adding to my daughter's worry today.

I think many of us know people who are proud of never avoiding hurting someone they supposedly care about. I also think they have no idea what some others really think of them.

I hear ya, Noel. You have been ill. I'm glad you're back and well enough to post. I value your opinions here.

Same here. 24/7 is one of my favorite posters.

Mrsq2022 · ‎03-10-2010

@IamMrsG wrote:
A great friend of mine was very tall and thin. She was a truly beautiful young girl, but we were teenagers and her stature was a source of angst for her -- teenage boys can be insensitive and downright cruel.

When she came to my house one day, she was wearing a new dress (back in the Dark Ages, girls routinely wore dresses). She was quite pleased with it until I said to her, "Linda, you can't wear that!" You see, the dress was all vertical stripes, making her look like a telephone pole (a nickname which had already been applied and caused tears when it got back to her).

I could have told her a 'white lie' and admired the dress, giving the reaction I believe she wanted. She was likely disappointed by my comment, but, in purely loving intentions, my goal was to keep her from getting her feelings hurt any more than they had been already. In my sense of morality, then and now, to do less would have been wrong.

Did she actually ask your opinion of her new dress?

If not. I don't see it as a lie versus truth but rather, your taste versus hers. I would personally never tell someone not to wear something that they loved even if it wasn't my personal taste.

I'd be incredibly annoyed if a friend criticized my clothing as a teen and told me that I looked horrible in something that I liked and felt good in. Ive always had my own style and as a teen in the Cindy Lauper days, probably dressed in a way that many people disliked.