"Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations? - Page 5

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

There are a lot of thoughtful responses. It was interesting to hear the different ways we deal with the challenge of items that hold memories when our loved ones transition -no judgement or right or wrong. Much sharing from the heart, I so appreciate the forum members here.

cindyNC · ‎08-01-2019

That's a tough one. Definitely take the advice of others and get your desk appraised.

I have two storage units with items since I moved in with my BF. My parents collected antiques. As I'm the oldest, I'll probably pass away first. I've left everything to one of my neices who enjoys some of this stuff, but also has a mother (my sister in law) who loves auctions and will probably end of with many items to be stored in one of the barns on their farm. The funny part is that it was such a free-for-all when my mom passed away and I was told by one sibling that I "wasn't taking enough" LOL

conlt · ‎03-16-2010

Many people bring some of their sentimental furniture to the assisted living. Perhaps you can bring the desk. If so I would either will it to another family member or donate it upon your death. Assisted living does not mean you cannot have some of your possessions.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Iwantcoffee wrote:
Sooner if the possessions of your deceased family does not mean much to you that is fine but that is not true for everyone. Having nothing that belonged to your family is not necessarily a better place to be. I don't see a right or wrong here but what works for the person. Keeping a desk or item that belonged to your family is fine too, in my opinion.

@Iwantcoffee I never said it was right for everyone. However all my family is gone and most went more than 20 years ago. To move on, I had to live forward not in the past. Just make peace and let it go.

Only children of older parents don't have the life most people do. We are born far later and have different lives and experiences and family mostly means adults not peers. It's not easy. We bury them, we wind up estate executors for the ones who have no kids. Problems and filled houses? I've dealt with that for nearly 30 years, letting my own go undone many times.

Zoe · ‎06-10-2015

If this desk is important, perhaps you can take it with you to your new place. Or take a gorgeous photo of it before you pass it on -- perhaps frame it side by side with the same piece from its younger days with your Dad. (I did this with my grandmother's cedar chest -- gorgeous photos of it in a field of green.)

Younger generations value simplicity, experiences & adventure > accumulating possessions and things. This is the generation of "less is more."

Neither approach -- keeping heirlooms to keep tradition going or not valuing the accumulation of possessions -- is bad. They're just different.

Swedish people have a lovely practice of purging and cleaning one's excessive possessions before the end, leaving a more orderly estate to handle. They do this so as not to leave a burden to deal with for their loved ones left behind. It's a beautiful practice, one my family has (thankfully) taken to heart.

Trailrun23 · ‎05-31-2022

I still have my own cedar chest and my great grandmother's as well. Figured one of my daughters or granddaughters would want one of them...but no interest. Will donate but having problems finding anyone who will take them. Too big for us to pick up and put in our car...so may have to put them out on the curb.

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

The Japanese often decorate with seasonal furnishings that come and go with the seasons, as well as older items such as plates and bowls and vases. They store them in what they call "treasure houses," by which I assume they mean small storage areas or rented storage space. They decorate seasonally as to color and fabric as well as to objects special to each season. They avoid a clutter of miscellaneous "things" but they do touch base on memories as they honor each season.

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

@Burnsite This is a very clever and space-saving plan to decorate. As I eliminate the clutter in my home, I will try to incorporate this Japanese technique.

wagirl · ‎03-09-2010

I went thru this same dilema a few years ago, only with my former in-laws. The "ex's" parents moved into a retirement home and they had a huge house with a basement and a few out buildings that were stuffed full of everything and anything--it was the up to the 6 kids and spouses to go thru it all and sort out the good stuff from the not so good stuff and then to divide amongst the families. I got a number of things that I really appreciated and used, however, and I tried to give back some of the stuff to of my SIL and her daughter and no one wanted anything???!!! this was not big stuff--it was glassware -- like pressed glass and even a cut glass goblet dated from the civil war--, a quilt top that was over a 100 years old and in perfect shape--all with hand written notes of all info about them, from grand- ma and great g-ma's-----no one wanted any of it---- I packed everything in about 5 small boxes--and I had to shame them into taking a few things---so when I was getting ready to move due to a divorce--I packed all that I didn't want and sent them away via the EX so he could deal with HIS families stuff. I had this stuff for over 20 years----was amazing to me that not even the kids of my in-laws wanted anything to do with it----no interest in the stuff anymore---I have no idea why??? Good luck!!