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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

1.   "No, I just waited 30 minutes in line to say Hi."

 

2.   Sometimes I pretend to be normal but it gets boring so I go back to being me.

 

3.   My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle.  Information goes in and then it's never found again.

 

4.   WANTED

      GOOD WOMAN

      Must be able to clean, cook, sew, dig worms and clean fish.  Must have boat and motor.  Please send picture of boat and motor.

 

5.   Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

 

6.   When I die I want my last words to be, "I left a million dollars under the..."

 

7.   I can't believe I wanted to grow up.  What was I thinking.

 

8.   Isn't it funny how red, white and blue represent freedom, unless they they're flashing behind you?

 

9.   At my age getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.

 

10.   When I bang my toe against something, its like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

 

11.   My prince is coming on a white horse.  He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.

 

12.   There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

 

13.   Adults are just kids with money.

 

14.   When I'm single, all I see are couples being happy.  When I'm dating someone, all I see are singles being happy.

 

 

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Regular Contributor
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎10-16-2011

I just LOVE this! Thanks for the chuckle.

Super Contributor
Posts: 306
Registered: ‎10-31-2019

@Lindsays Grandma you never fail to make me laugh...please keep these coming!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,929
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

😂😂😂😂 Whew!😂😂😂...This is HILARIOUS...It's hard to pick a favorite, but, 1, 4, 6, 8 and 10 are priceless! I knew when I saw this thread, it was going to be a winner!! You've outdone yourself with this one.😁

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,929
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

@Lindsays Grandma I needed a good laugh after packing up some Christmas items, and came back to reread this. #4 is such a great pick-me-up.😂😂

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,672
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: "CAN I HELP YOU?"

[ Edited ]

@SandySparkles wrote:

@Lindsays Grandma I needed a good laugh after packing up some Christmas items, and came back to reread this. #4 is such a great pick-me-up.😂😂

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖


@SandySparkles   Now that gave me a good laugh, that's the first time I know of anyone doing that.  Woman LOL

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,054
Registered: ‎06-14-2010

Lindsays Grandma!

 

Your posts with lists of funny statements are always welcome!  We need humor in our lives and a good laugh and you provide both.  It's refreshing!!

Super Contributor
Posts: 321
Registered: ‎09-18-2019

LOL!! I love these, esp. #7 & 10!!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,929
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

@Lindsays Grandma   LOL.😉

 

 

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,903
Registered: ‎11-24-2011

@Lindsays GrandmaLove number 6, wouldn't that really screw with the relatives !!!!!