Community Chat

[jeanlake]

On 2/8/2015 ROMARY 1 said:

Time to invite your own friends/acquaintances. It's always good 'insurance' for a happy life to include others besides family in our lives. For balance, etc. A word for the wise.

Love Romary's answer. This is a healthy approach to life in general. Also, with family and close friends -- always remain a mystery. It's not good for anyone, even a partner, to think they have you all figured out.

[MalteseMomma]

Rain, I am trying to figure that out. I have no idea. I really don't. We really are a close family or maybe we were a close family. nothing happened between us.I am not nasty or domineering or interfearing or anything that I can think of. We don't fight. I can not imagine what is going on. I guess they think I don't like going out, but I should have been given the option of going or not.. at the very least I should have been told about it.

The first time was last year,they had a party for my son,(we are very close) and I was not invited or told about it but my daughter wasn't either. This time everyone was invited and told of it but me.

I do not know what the problem is.I wish I did. Everything was fine all day Friday and I had no idea a party was going to be held that nite.

[ROMARY]

I'll be waiting for an update re: Having a little get-together of your own with friends of your own!! Something positive for you to think about! It will warm your heart, too.

[Vivian]

First, I want to say I'm really sorry this happened to you. No one can hurt us as much as our kids. I agree that if you can socialize with others, through church, organizations, etc., your family may see that you have your own life. I have observed that in some members of my family, the relationships that some treasure, others are indifferent about. I've traveled five hours to see that my mother is OK, after a health scare, when my brother who lives 15 minutes from her didn't show up until a week later. One if my daughters akready told me that when I'm old, she will tell me what she wants me to do and I'd better do it. This was in her criticism of my giving my mother a little time to decide what kind of care she wanted. I tell you these stories because for some people family just isn't valued as it used to be. We can't depend on some family members. I've learned to concentrate my efforts and my thoughts on family and friends who do care. It makes for a more peaceful life.

[AuntG]

You mentioned panic attacks so I'm wondering if they thought the party might make you uncomfortable. The other thing you mentioned that I find strange is various family members living in your basement and upstairs. Are these actual apartments that would meet the fire and safety standards that any landlord would have to abide by, or are these people simply living off of you? At age 77, I'd be inclined to make some changes in my living arrangements.

[colliegirls]

Just be honest and tell everyone that you want to be invited to every party the family has, PERIOD!!

[stevieb]

I know this hurt you, but looking at it a bit differently, if family wasn't living with you, would you necessarily expect to know and be invited to all family member activities? I don't think I would... I honestly don't think they meant disrespect, though it is a bit telling that you made it clear you were hurt about not being invited to another party in the past... Sadly, it is what it is... We can't always make folks what we think they should simply because we want them to... Without knowing these folks personally, it's impossible to say whether or not you're being 'used' or whether or not this is more or less a normal family situation where, for better or worse, some members are taken a bit for granted...

[Lucky Charm]

I'm cringing saying this, but, maybe you shouldn't have posted on Facebook.

I don't do facebook and it may have to do with something like this happening.

You mentioned panic attacks, do you think they upset your family when you're having one? I do know someone who is very anxious about anything outside her front door, even going to her own daughter's house and seeing all who love her there. She declines a lot of times, but when she goes she just sits in an armchair in the living room and no one else is really in there. The family just lets her be. But I know it's a little uncomfortable for them.

It's got to be awful dealing with the silence treatment and hurt feelings. Everyone else is going about their business and their hearts should be heavy for how Grandma feels. I'm so sad for you.

Do you like your home or is it hard for you to maintain? Is it a worry for you? You may think about it if you really want to stay there or pick up and go somewhere else. Somewhere smaller, easier to get around, different atmosphere. Have you seriously considered moving? Or does the thought of leaving a place you're comfortable with scare you?

You're living amongst strangers right now. I don't even know how I'd deal with that. Maybe call them all up to your place and have a good old fashioned talk. I wish you the best.

[Love my grandkids]

I'd be raising the rents. Their use of your washer adds to your utility bills. I'm not being facetious. I'm sorry this happened to you and IMO you are, to some extent, being taken advantage of.

And I'd do something about that parking situation. Lay down a couple of new rules about that and stick to is. They've got it too darn eas and have for a looong time..

Gotta agree about not doing FB in this situation. Maybe it's time for a face to face with the whole bunch.

I think their behavior is beyond shameful. They're getting a lot of goodies that IMO they don't deserve. OK, off my soap box now

[NYC Susan]

First, I would be upset too. Absolutely.

I do think it was a mistake to write on Facebook that you weren't invited. That's definitely not a good thing to do. Any upset or hurt feelings should have been discussed privately. Facebook is not the place for that. It puts it out there for lots of people to see, and can easily escalate a rocky situation.

They may have had several reasons for not thinking you would want to be at the party, but I agree that the choice should have been yours. If it was a party that included family members, you should have been invited. And if it just included, for example, the younger generation, then it would have been nice if they had at least told you that the party was happening.

I think a conversation with the family member you feel closest to might help clear the air. This needs fixing because there's no reason you should go on feeling excluded and hurt. Maybe each of you hearing the side of the other might make a difference. I hope so.