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05-06-2018 12:58 PM
05-06-2018 01:03 PM
Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to potty, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "
05-06-2018 01:10 PM
A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."
05-06-2018 01:28 PM
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
'Well, cowboy,' says the genie.. 'You know how I work....You have three wishes.'
'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?'
'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
05-06-2018 01:37 PM
I love the jokes. Keep them coming.
05-06-2018 03:57 PM
Mrs. Green’s Neighbor and Her Dog
One day Mrs. Green decided to walk to the post office. Her neighbor came up to her and casually mentioned “Hello Janice, how’s your dog? I saw her yesterday chasing an old man on a bike.”
Mrs. Green said “Oh. There’s no way that could have been my dog.”
“Why not?” said Mrs. Green’s neighbor. “I’m almost positive that it was her.”
Mrs. Green, with a devilish grin on her face stated “Well, my dog doesn’t know how to ride a bike.”
05-06-2018 04:08 PM
The saloon doors open and in comes a bandaged, weary-looking dog. He slowly makes his way toward the bar, works his way onto the stool and says to the bartender:
" I here to find the man who shot my paw! "
05-06-2018 04:30 PM
Man is standing at the back of the line at the Pearly Gates waiting to get into Heaven and asks the guy in front of him "Who's that guy wearing the white doctor's coat at the front of the line checking everyone?? I thought we were okay and didn't need this sort of thing here". The man says "Oh, that's G-o-d, sometimes he likes to play doctor".
05-07-2018 10:13 AM
A snail was attacked by a herd of turtles. While he was in the hospital, the pollice came to question him. "What happened?" they asked. Snail says "I don't know. Everything happened so fast."
cookin
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