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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,234
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: how to handle holiday with family


@FlowerBear wrote:

@Mom2Dogs   thank you. it is hurtful and i had to pretend all was fine. as you can see from what I wrote, i have taken the high road and smiled and pretended i was not hurt.

 

i cant say anything to my dad cuz that would cause him to be upset and i dont want that. but i do appreciate your message.


 

 

So it's ok for you to be upset??

 

Talk to your dad

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,168
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: how to handle holiday with family

[ Edited ]

Do you think your father has noticed any of these hurtful things? I know you don’t want to upset him, but I don’t think I would do the “ go along to get along” thing indefinitely. Continue to be pleasant and accepting...but if the situation doesn’t improve, I would politely decline the next gathering out of respect for yourself. You should not have to be in a gathering where you feel left out and mistreated....you deserve better. If you are not there...it is their loss, not yours.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 651
Registered: ‎08-07-2015

Re: how to handle holiday with family

@FlowerBear  Having been in a similar situation with a new blended family, I think you are such a gracious, warm hearted person. Please keep being you and don't let their hurtful insensitive lack of welcoming make you think being an introvert is a flaw.  

 

I wish I had spoken my true feelings more,  be authentic with your dad. Ask him in a calm moment if he's noticed how hard you're trying with his new family and it doesn't seem to be reciprocated what does he think/see? My mom and stepdad did work together to include us all holiday time which helped with any hurt feelings.  It's not about you personally it seems the inclusion has been focused more toward your stepmother kids leaving you out. Jealousy maybe.  You are loved and appreciated by many in your life so  enjoy them and the season with this thought xo

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: how to handle holiday with family

Is Christmas the only time you see them?  If so, I'd go with the flow this year.  Next year I'd go away on vacation over the holiday.  I'd say it was a deal I couldn't pass on.  If that would make you feel down, then you'll need to talk with dad and let him know your feelings.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,380
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: how to handle holiday with family

[ Edited ]

Okay, I wouldn't show up this year.  

 

Hopefully, your dad will call and ask what happened to you.

 

But it seems to me, you are invisible to him.  To be honest.

 

So if the day passes and you didn't go and there's no follow-up phone call, then he isn't aware of you or your hurt feelings, and no presents given you.  

 

Doesn't matter that he's a man, a father would still be attentive to a grown daughter, especially on Christmas day.  Asking what she got, seeing if she's happy, noticing the hurt in his daughter's eye.

 

I'm sorry for you, but you don't have to subject yourself to this ignorance.  

 

I think you could enjoy the day more, if you stayed at home or made other plans, but not be around these people who are totally aware that they are putting you in your place.

 

I don't think I'd ever want to see them again.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,384
Registered: ‎11-16-2014

Re: how to handle holiday with family

@FlowerBear, if I were you I would take back my power and not spend any holidays with these people. I am not sure of your age but at this point you need to make your own family with friends that you can count on to treat you in the manner in which you deserve. Your father doesn't seem to have a clue and even if he does, he isn't making sure you are fairly treated.

 

If these people are sending you a message by excluding you from their card sending and gift giving, I would take the hint and make sure to make other plans for the holidays. You deserve better than this...

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: how to handle holiday with family

@FlowerBear  Your new relatives sound like fun. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dad, but if it's an honest one, I would tell him how you feel and not play the victim. If he indeed loves you and isn't afraid of his place in the new family, he will tell them to cut the nonsense. I personally would not go where I was ignored to please a parent who would allow me to be hurt by his new family.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,120
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: how to handle holiday with family

@FlowerBear 

 

 

You didn't say how old your dad is, but he may be totally and compleatly unaware of how you are feeling, since you are always "putting on a brave face".

 

He may think that you are okay with what they are doing.

 

Nothing will change unless you speak up!

 

 

He deserves to know.

 

 

He isn't a mind reader.

 

 

Tell him, and give him a chance to rectify the situation.

 

You both deserve that much.

 

 

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,995
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: how to handle holiday with family

How does the step family behave toward your father? Are they pleased their mother married him?

I would bypass dad and have a talk with the stepmother. I'd begin by telling her how pleased I was about the marriage and that I had looked forward to being included in the new family and wondered if she knew why I wasn't. 

After all it's her family so why make dad the middle man? Go straight to the source and avoid mistakes and misunderstanding in who said what to whom..

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,900
Registered: ‎10-03-2014

Re: how to handle holiday with family

How do they act around your father?  Do they appear to accept him into the family.  Are they his wife's children? You say one has been indifferent.  How do the others behave around you?  

 

This is rather common where one side doesn't accept the other.  Sometimes, they don't approve of these marriages or the person their mother or father marries.

 

From what you say, this might be coming into play in your situation.  What other reason could there be?  You have welcomed them, treated them well.  

 

I wouldn't talk to your father.  He would most likely say something to his wife.  His wife to her family members.  This could cause resentment.  I'd let it go and don't take it personally.  It's rude to give gifts to everyone except you.