Community Chat

[cerb]

I want to politely disagree with the advice to let him keep all the stuff as long as you get the dog.  (You did not indicate that he is abusive to the pet.)  Women often let their emotions determine their actions during divorce and end up regretting it later.  One of my friends, for example, took a small cash lump sum but let her husband keep his retirement.  She is now out of money but her husband will have pension income the rest of his life.  Or a woman will fight "tooth and nail" to keep the house while the husband keeps all the liquid investments or a business.  Then the wife realizes that she can't afford the house and ends up in a foreclosure.  Consider the big picture when making decisions and make sure you protect yourself for the long haul.  Best wishes!

[queendiva]

Funny- I, too was married 17 years before divorcing. He thought leaving would be a good idea.  It was- for me! I got the dog and the kids, home furnishings, photos and at least half of everything else.

Be well, do a ton of research and find the very best attorney you can, even if everything is settled through mediation. My attorney chose the mediator. That worked out well for me.

[queendiva]

What @cerb said!

[missy1]

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@cerb wrote:

I want to politely disagree with the advice to let him keep all the stuff as long as you get the dog.  (You did not indicate that he is abusive to the pet.)  Women often let their emotions determine their actions during divorce and end up regretting it later.  One of my friends, for example, took a small cash lump sum but let her husband keep his retirement.  She is now out of money but her husband will have pension income the rest of his life.  Or a woman will fight "tooth and nail" to keep the house while the husband keeps all the liquid investments or a business.  Then the wife realizes that she can't afford the house and ends up in a foreclosure.  Consider the big picture when making decisions and make sure you protect yourself for the long haul.  Best wishes!

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Get all you can. You want the $/pension, for down the road. Think of you first. Set aside your emotions.  Think of those that got nothing, because there was nothing.....

[Nancy Drew]

As far as the dog, neither one of you should get full custody. You got him together. Would it be nice if he offered for you to keep him full time? Yes! He might be wishing for you to offer that to him also.

[LilacTree]

Been there, done that. I was awarded full custody of our four children which was the only thing I wanted.  I asked for no alimony and received minimal child support.  I left the house and everything in it except my personal things and my children's furniture and clothing.  I moved back to North Jersey after eight years in Virginia.  My father was kind enough to let us live with him for a while until I got on my feet.

I got a full time job, worked for an attorney and married him.  That marriage lasted two years.  I asked for nothing after that divorce either (no alimony), except I did get some furniture because I had paid for it.  That was in 1975.  I never married again. 

Some women just can't take what men hand out (especially in those days) and I was one of them. 

The $70,000 house sold for under $5,000 more and after closing costs there were no proceeds left.  Several years later, the boom started and it was worth over $400,000.  Bad timing financially, but I've never regretted being single for one minute even though it was hard.

Good luck to you and if you loved that dog, it should have been written into the property settlement.  Who did wind up with him/her?

[deepwaterdotter]

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@LilacTree wrote:

Been there, done that. I was awarded full custody of our four children which was the only thing I wanted.  I asked for no alimony and received minimal child support.  I left the house and everything in it except my personal things and my children's furniture and clothing.  I moved back to North Jersey after eight years in Virginia.  My father was kind enough to let us live with him for a while until I got on my feet.

I got a full time job, worked for an attorney and married him.  That marriage lasted two years.  I asked for nothing after that divorce either (no alimony), except I did get some furniture because I had paid for it.  That was in 1975.  I never married again. 

Some women just can't take what men hand out (especially in those days) and I was one of them. 

The $70,000 house sold for under $5,000 more and after closing costs there were no proceeds left.  Several years later, the boom started and it was worth over $400,000.  Bad timing financially, but I've never regretted being single for one minute even though it was hard.

Good luck to you and if you loved that dog, it should have been written into the property settlement.  Who did wind up with him/her?

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It is fortunate that you were finacially secure enough to forgo alimony.

[KathyPet]

Didn't the property settlement agree address who gets the dog?..

i thought that sort of thing would have been included in the legal papers.

[LilacTree]

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@deepwaterdotter wrote:

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@LilacTree wrote:

Been there, done that. I was awarded full custody of our four children which was the only thing I wanted.  I asked for no alimony and received minimal child support.  I left the house and everything in it except my personal things and my children's furniture and clothing.  I moved back to North Jersey after eight years in Virginia.  My father was kind enough to let us live with him for a while until I got on my feet.

I got a full time job, worked for an attorney and married him.  That marriage lasted two years.  I asked for nothing after that divorce either (no alimony), except I did get some furniture because I had paid for it.  That was in 1975.  I never married again. 

Some women just can't take what men hand out (especially in those days) and I was one of them. 

The $70,000 house sold for under $5,000 more and after closing costs there were no proceeds left.  Several years later, the boom started and it was worth over $400,000.  Bad timing financially, but I've never regretted being single for one minute even though it was hard.

Good luck to you and if you loved that dog, it should have been written into the property settlement.  Who did wind up with him/her?

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It is fortunate that you were finacially secure enough to forgo alimony.

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It was money or a fight over custody.  I chose my children.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@KathyPet wrote:

Didn't the property settlement agree address who gets the dog?..

i thought that sort of thing would have been included in the legal papers.

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I don't think the divorce is final yet.

Maybe the o/p will come back and answer that question.