Community Chat

[Trinity11]

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@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

I think in general it's best to refrain from commenting on weight, age, appearance issues. No matter what anyone thinks someone's sensitivity level should be, well that is what it is. And tact should still exist, I too lament the apparent death of it.

I am dealing right now with a friend of  my mother's who has zero tact and the things she has said and done have really reached critical mass for me. She was also once my mother's boss and had zero tact then either. My mother quit on her more than once because of it. The old me last year never told her off, the new me wants to and has to. And my mother has my back on that too.

My mother has a thyroid issue and is very thin as a result. It's unreal the way people feel free to comment on that. It's hurtful to her because she's self conscious about it. She doesn't have to be less sensitive, they need to have more tact. They wouldn't comment if she was overweight, or maybe they would. 

@Greeneyedlady21I "hear" where you are coming from regarding your mom. I am on new meds for my heart that caused me to gain some weight. I was always very thin and heard cracks about how I must never eat. Now I am being drilled by some acquaintances as to what happened....I am not the skinny lady I was throughout my entire life. I am self conscious enough about the weight gain without the reminders from anyone. People really need to mind their own business about people's weight. It's a pet peeve of mine.

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[VanSleepy]

A few times I have run into people I hadn't seen in a while, and they had obviously lost a lot of weight.  I know you shouldn't comment on someone's weight/appearance, but I feel like it would be more rude to not say anything when it's so obvious and they probably worked hard at it.  Then again, the weight loss could be due to an illness, and they wouldn't appreciate hearing, "You look great."  You just never know.

[silentgirl]

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@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

Maybe she was really more angry with her husband for bringing the subject up in the first place

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I'm inclined to believe it was displaced anger as well-Her husband inappropriately mentioned her age and everything came unglued after that.

I've never minded my age-at age 64, I'll gladly trade beauty for mutual respect.

[Newgate]

I wouldn't even try and say what makes people sensitive about their age but I know both women and men that are!

I myself feel that if you are somewhere talking with people and the subject of family and children and grandchildren come up, as it usually does if you are together long enough, it is easy to guess how old someone is!

We are proud of the age we have reached and thankful that we have reached it!!

[pommom]

@occasionalrain

My point is that I am NOT ashamed or dread being my age.  I have my health, a comfortable & warm home, family and close friends, an active social life, saved my entire career for retirement and am enjoying it tremendously.  If I look my age, so be it.  I'm totally comfortable in my skin.  I weathered life's challenges like everyone else and still maintain a positive outlook on life -  the focus not on being a certain age.

Bottom line:  I won't let anyone's opinion of my appearance define who I am - a proud senior.  Period.

[KingstonsMom]

@pommom

Well said! I feel the same way!

[KingstonsMom]

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@Newgate wrote:

I wouldn't even try and say what makes people sensitive about their age but I know both women and men that are!

I myself feel that if you are somewhere talking with people and the subject of family and children and grandchildren come up, as it usually does if you are together long enough, it is easy to guess how old someone is!

We are proud of the age we have reached and thankful that we have reached it!!:womanwink:

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@Newgate

Me too, like the saying goes, "any day above ground is a good day!".

[sunala]

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@QVCkitty1 wrote:

If you told me I look good for my age, I would give you the death stare too. It's all right to get offended, and my pet peeve is the  non- apology, the one that goes, " I'm sorry you were offended by what I said ". 

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@QVCkitty1I wonder, do you know what the good way is to phrase that?  Is it better to say, "If I offended you by what I said, I'm sorry?" Or is there just no good way to apologize once something is said? Like, "I'm sorry I said you're ugly."

I never really understood how to make your words better once they're spoken out loud.

[QVCkitty1]

What I mean buy that, is you are really not sorry when you say, I 'm sorry that you were offended. It puts the burden on the person you insulted. If you are really not sorry, then your apology means nothing. I think a real apology says I'm sorry that I was insensitive, and that I hurt you.

[Greeneyedlady21]

@KingstonsMom @Trinity11 I feel for both of you, best of health to you

Last year, dealing with all kinds of stress with my mother's health and caring for her well at my lowest weight I had lost 15 pounds. That friend of my mother's I mentioned never stopped commenting on my weight. At one point she dropped me off at a drug store and told me to buy myself a candy bar. She's obsessed with her own weight and that's sometimes an origin for people who make these rude comments. Their own issues. Plus she just has no tact, no excuse for that. You just don't speak that way to someone who is in an extremely painful and stressful life situation.

Now she says nothing because I've gained the weight back. Maybe next time it will be that I need to go on a diet.