I want to share with all of you an article written by the late Harry Browne...a dad...to his daughter. Some of the "old timers" here have seen this once or twice, as I have posted it several years at Christmas.
It expresses the basic truth about life that no one has to do anything for you or be what you want them to be or treat you the way you want to be treated...or even give you a thoughtful Christmas gift. And understanding this is one of the key signs of emotional maturity.
It is titled A Gift for my Daughter. The italics are mine for emphasis.
Enjoy! And merry Christmas!
December 20, 1966
To my 9-year-old daughter:
It’s Christmas and I have the typical problem of trying to know what to give to you. I know there are many things you might enjoy ~ games, books, clothes.
But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will last more than a few weeks or months in your mind. In fact, I want to give you a gift that will perhaps lead you to think of me on every Christmas to come in your life.
I have finally realized that if there were only one thing I could give you, I would want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you can understand it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent hundreds of problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.
The truth is simply this:
No one owes you anything.
Now, how could such a simple statement have any great importance? You may not realize it now, but the
deep meaning behind it can bring you a thousand blessings.
It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.
When you realize that it is no one’s duty to make you happy or give you what you want, you will be freed from the chains of expecting what can never be.
It means that no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there is something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you'll be loved even more.
When people do things for you it's because they want to--because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.
No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it is not because it is their duty to be with you. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.
And no one has to respect you. Some people will even try to be unkind to you. But once you realize that people do not have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you do not owe them anything either.
No one owes you anything.
You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you are giving to them.
Some people will choose not to associate with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When you know that this is true in a given case, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.
Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you will never expect the impossible and so you will never be disappointed. Others do not have to share their property with you nor their feelings nor their thoughts.
If they do, it is because you have earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you have earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you’ll lose them. They’re not yours by right: you must always earn them.
It is not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you reread this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer each year. I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.
*********************
Keepin' it real.
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