Your Opinion? - Page 4

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

If a topic came up that deeply affected me and I asked that the subject be changed and it wasn't and there was no way of avoiding the conversation I too would have left. I would not have "stormed" out but I would not stay.

We all have our sensitive subjects and limits about discussing them. For example I will not engage in discussions about the Vietnam war and will take my leave if there is no way to avoid it. I not only do that for my health and well being but also in consideration of others.

As to contacting his parents to "report" this incident I would not. This is between the people directly involved and third parties should not be brought into it unless requested by those involved.

Also, if I were in your position as hostess I would contact your guest and apologize for things getting out of hand and making him feel so uncomfortable that he felt he had to leave.

What is good for the goose today will also be good for the gander tomorrow.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

Based *only* on what the OP has said -

It is unknown who"insisted" on continuing the discussion - her son or the guest - or were there more "guys" present than those two? WAS it a discussion, or was there badgering and obnoxiousness and bullying? (And alcohol.)

Men in their mid-20s, unless they are clods, should be aware of the fact that it's the *host's* responsibility to make sure things go smoothly. Since it was the son's friend, the son should have stopped the conversation by changing the subject or saying, in effect "this subject stops now."

We can't know what actually happened - who brought the topic up, who wouldn't let go, etc. unless the OP was present. If she relies only on what her son says happened - keep in mind that this is an adult that wants his mommy to call his (former) friend's mommy and tell the mommy that ex-friend was a bad boy. He's not going to say anything to incriminate himself. The guest may have been a jerk. But we (and the OP) just aren't going to know.

They're not friends any more, at this point. Leave it at that.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

Golden_Oldie · ‎03-10-2010

@Yardlie I'm sorry the Dinner party did not end well. It has been witten that it is ridiculous to tattle on a twenty-five year old man.

You said in your post that topic is not relevant. To your son's friend it seems it was something that should have been left in the past.

If this happened to me, I would asked my son to help me in the kitchen, then tell him I'm changing the subject and for my son to do the same. (JMHO)

Last, there is no reason for you to call the other parents, and let these two man solve their friendship if they wish.

You got blindsided when you were expecting a quiet dinner. You were helpless in the moment.

"God created memories so that we might have roses in December." - Italo Svevo

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

I would send him a bouqet of flowers or an edible arrangement of fresh fruit, and a sorry note attached.

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

@Yardlie, Your re-write from your original post certainly puts a different slant on events.
For instance, you set the tone by stating guest of honor Joe made a rude comment to his host upon his arrival.
Now in the re-write that's gone, and you say the evening got off to a nice start!

I guess just writing it out twice helped you work thru issues present in the first version.
Please ignore my earlier post, as it was based on the version given in YOUR earlier post.

faeriemoon · ‎03-14-2010

If the events occurred just as you stated, I wouldn't do anything. It's not your responsibility (or business) to report back to his parents. However, if at some time in conversation his parents were to ask you how the evening went, feel free to give them the lowdown.

~What a terrible era in which idiots govern the blind.~ William Shakespeare

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

i think you tried to do something nice for someone and he made a decision to leave because he didn't care for some topic being discussed. There is nothing you should do but just let it go. We aren't responsible for other people and their actions. I am sorry for you having this happen after all your work trying to do something nice but now you know not to invite him for another dinner party even if it was in his honor. I personally think he should have just not responded to the conversation since he obviously didn't like what was being discussed and just went on talking about something else and remembered why he was there in the first place.

Bjjo · ‎03-10-2010

Guest of honor announced his boundary and and this was not respected. Especially as guest of honor, dinner party should have been cordial without anyone continuing any controversial subject as guest of honor had announced, warned he would dismiss himself if subject was continued. He should have been respected and his request honored. It was not.

Dinner honoring his friendship should have been sharing memories, reconnecting, sharing with much love. This was not a moment for potential difference of opinions that could have turned to heated or hurt discussions. Again, honored guest asked to not continue subject. I admire and respect guest for standing his ground as guest kindly spoke up about his boundary. His boundary was not honored and he was not honored. This gathering should have been a time to focus on friendship, not tacky or maybe trashy possible uncomfortable conversation that could lead to a debate of any kind pertaining to what guest would be uncomfortable with.

Guest graciously warned or asked. He did what he said he would do. Others continued. Guest left. I respect that.

He is an adult. I would apologize directly to him, not to his parents. This can be worked out. Friendship can continue. Hopefully, others there to celebrate honored guess will learn from this and respect others at such a special gathering of friendship.

Typing on iPhone so forgive typing mistakes 😃

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Your adult son wants to tattle on his friend to the friend's parents...lol What? Is he 5 years old...lol This is a no brainer, of course you don't say anything to the parents unless they should happen to ask what happen. It's hard to say if he was right in walking out because we don't know the details. There are conversations that would make me walk out on a dinner. He was the guest of honor, he specifically said he didn't like the turn the conversation took and he'd walk out if it continued. And he did. I don't why anyone would have a problem with that. Although, I must say that if I was the host of that dinner, I would have would took control of the situation myself. And I have. My mil is a bigot and a racist and I have never hesitated to say....stop...not in my house.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@DiAnne wrote:
I would stay out of it completely. This is between your sons and the guest. If anything the guest owes you an apology for storming out but that is about it.

I think it depends on the conversation. If the conversation was offensive and insulting and continued after the guest of honor specifically said he'd walk if it continued, he does now owe the hosts an apology. The hosts owe him an apology. A good host would NEVER allow somone to be insulted at their dinner table. The host saw the turn the conversation was taking and should have ended it promptly before things got out of hand.