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05-29-2020 09:14 AM
@Mominohio wrote:I haven't seen anything about this, other than the original post here.
But why is it so wonderfully selfless, and the ultimate act of love, to give up a child at birth to give them a better life, but not the same thing when you realize one you adopted you cannot do right for/by?
I have no idea what she might have said or how it might seem, but she could have kept him and abused him out of frustration and anger. She could have neglected him or not done all that he needs to be everything he possibly could be. Or she could say, help me, I can't do this, can someone else do what I simply cannot.
She did the right thing, regardless of what we might (or might not) think of her reason or the way she presented it. It's all about the kid and what he needs, and what is best for him. I hope he got lucky this time and found the right home for him.
@Mominohio . very well said.....
05-29-2020 11:13 AM
I'm glad the child has been placed with another family - hopefully he thrives. The problems I have with the original couple:
The original adoptive mother was an RN, so she also has the 'medical training' they are touting as one of the reasons the 2nd mother is a better choice.
They knew he had special needs (and received a lot of attention & $$$ from their YouTube channel for being so selfless about adopting a special needs child).
Had a go fund me page for the original adoption, and also after the adoption for his special needs requirements. They knew he had a brain tumor and brain damage before they adopted.
Had the child for years and then had another biological child after the adoption. So much for being overwhelmed - let's add another child to the mix.
If this had been one of their (4) biological children what would they have done?
Talked about how their God softened their hearts, so they decided to adopt him. (Ugh - what does their God think about that now)
Of course they are going to say his is thriving in his new environment - what else are they going to say? 'He is very confused and cries nonstop for his mom, dad, and siblings' wouldn't sound good.
If they had spent less time prepping/videoing/taping/editing/producing their perfect family YouTube videos and more time hands-on with their child(ren) who knows if it would have made a difference.
What do their biological children think after their brother disappeared? Hopefully they have their other children in therapy and they are not worrying about being re-homed themselves. I'm hoping the 're-homed' wording was just an unfortunate choice of words because it is just gross.
It seems to me that they had wrung all the $$$ they could from their subscribers and now realized it was going to be harder than they thought raising him. Their tears mean nothing to me.
(full disclosure - I'm viewing this through the eyes of an adopted person who is eternally grateful for her parents)
05-29-2020 11:20 AM
If the child medical history is not fully disclosed, or if the child was adopted early on, it would be hard to predict some things. The questions nobody ask, why the child was abandoned the first time. Original parents has to be blamed much more than the people after them.
05-29-2020 11:58 AM
I have a question for those that support or even applauded these parents decision. Would you feel the same if the child was thier biological child and they re-homed him because they could handle raising him?
05-29-2020 12:17 PM
@ninjawife wrote:I have a question for those that support or even applauded these parents decision. Would you feel the same if the child was thier biological child and they re-homed him because they could handle raising him?
Absolutely. I think any child would be better off with someone who knows how to deal with him than those who don't.
05-29-2020 12:18 PM
I saw the adoptive parents on YouTube this morning. This doesn't seem to be a choice they made in haste. They weren't told that the child had challenges to the degree that he did. They could not say what the challenges were for the sake of the child.
I don't see how this is any different than giving up a newborn for adoption by a mother. IMO, this couple is doing what is best for the child. They're admitting that they can't do their best for him.
05-29-2020 12:35 PM
@Mmsfoxxie wrote:I saw the adoptive parents on YouTube this morning. This doesn't seem to be a choice they made in haste. They weren't told that the child had challenges to the degree that he did. They could not say what the challenges were for the sake of the child.
I don't see how this is any different than giving up a newborn for adoption by a mother. IMO, this couple is doing what is best for the child. They're admitting that they can't do their best for him.
You are assuming that the orphange that was caring for him knew what challenges he would have in the future. No one can accurately predict what challenges or successes a special needs child will have. If you read the post that states this family gained a lot of fame and money from the adoption of this child. It seems when it wasn't worth the fame and money for them, they rehomed him. That is not a reason to adopt in the first place.
05-29-2020 12:52 PM
@Mmsfoxxie wrote:I saw the adoptive parents on YouTube this morning. This doesn't seem to be a choice they made in haste. They weren't told that the child had challenges to the degree that he did. They could not say what the challenges were for the sake of the child.
I don't see how this is any different than giving up a newborn for adoption by a mother. IMO, this couple is doing what is best for the child. They're admitting that they can't do their best for him
So, if one of their biological children is diagnosed with medical or psychological challenges, it will be acceptable for them to surrender that child for adoption?
05-29-2020 01:02 PM
@mom2four0418 wrote:
@Mmsfoxxie wrote:I saw the adoptive parents on YouTube this morning. This doesn't seem to be a choice they made in haste. They weren't told that the child had challenges to the degree that he did. They could not say what the challenges were for the sake of the child.
I don't see how this is any different than giving up a newborn for adoption by a mother. IMO, this couple is doing what is best for the child. They're admitting that they can't do their best for him
So, if one of their biological children is diagnosed with medical or psychological challenges, it will be acceptable for them to surrender that child for adoption?
If after exhausting all available help and services, they felt that they couldn't provide the best home and care for the child, then yes, the best thing to do is to find a home for the child where they would receive the appropriate care.
Would you rather that the child stayed in a home where they didn't get the care that they needed?
What would you say about the family then?
Would you still slam them for keeping a child that they couldn't take care of?
Can't have it both ways.
05-29-2020 01:27 PM
Myka Stauffer was an oncology RN-this is true.
However, the new adoptive mother is described as medically trained.
The Stauffers also wanted an adoption, not foster care.
Being an RN does not mean she is just as capable as the new adoptive mother. An oncology RN doesn't mean she is trained to educationally handle the child-in fact she did enroll in an ABA program.
Since privacy prevents us from knowing what is meant by the new adoptive mother being medically trained. we cannot say that Myka is just as qualified.
It takes more than saying she is an RN so therefore she is the best fit as a parent.
And again, why is there no discussion about the father???
Why I ask? Because it is the usual bash against a woman nobody know on a personal level. We stick the knives in her but turn away and forget there is a father in this, too.
We don't know everything here; the child could be very violent. The intentions may have been sincere; and these PARENTS, not just the mother, seems to have done everything they could. She said she felt like a failure.
They are not monsters. The only monstrous thing happening here is the high and mighty looking down on a couple nobody knows in real life.
They took steps they needed to take and made sure that Huxley was not passed on into the foster care system; they waited until a good ADOPTIVE fit was found.
There is a big difference here.
I am not applauding them but I sure as heck will not condemn them
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