Would you trust a friend.... - Page 7

Suzeecat · ‎05-05-2010

If a friend were to ask me "Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell a soul?", I would respond "Please don't"! Just because someone tells me I can't do something makes me want to do it even more! Also, the responsibility to keep a secret is just too heavy for me. I'm always afraid that I may inadvertently say something to give a hint in an everyday conversation. I really, really, REALLY don't want to know someone else's secrets!

Grouchomarx · ‎01-23-2019

I guess I just have a different sendibiltiy than some. I feel there are conversations you have with friends, family, your spouse, and you just know this is not something to go repeating to others. It doesn't need to be explicitly stated. Obviously some others feel anything is fair game to go repeating. I think the conclusion I've come to is that even if I were to say to her, please don't tell anyone, I would not trust she would honor that request. There are people who feel they must tell their spouse absolutely everything, and she is one of them. And that is fine, but I'm not one of them. And my partner doesn't want to know my friends' business either. He's not a gossipy type of guy and really isn't even interested in what's going on in someone else's relationship. I've even hinted about knowing some scandalous stuff about someone (without spilling it) and he was like, please, don't tell me. I guess I just assumed she had the same "girl code" that I did, and I was wrong. Problem is now I never want to see her husband because I know he knows stuff about me that's none of his business, as I am not friendly with him in the slightest. Oh well! Thanks for all your POVs.

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

I guess I have enough common sense to know when something can be repeated and when it cannot. If my BFF is talking to me about divorce details, she doesn't have to tell me not to tell anyone. I just know not to. If I'm unsure, I err on the side of not opening my mouth.

It would bother me to be friends with someone I had to tell not to share a secret because they didn't know any better.

Hooty · ‎03-09-2010

The older I get, the less I trust people, even family members! As the saying goes:

Be careful who you tell your business to, not everyone that smiles at you is your friend! People will turn on you when it helps them!

Suziepeach · ‎03-10-2010

@Hooty wrote:
The older I get, the less I trust people, even family members! As the saying goes:

Be careful who you tell your business to, not everyone that smiles at you is your friend! People will turn on you when it helps them!

@Hooty Image result for Hi-Five Emoji (sorry OP for using an emoji)

Go VOLS
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Happiness Is Inside JOB · ‎06-14-2016

Sorry this happend it you. I also know that some couples, if you tell the wife, you are telling the husband and vice versa.

THat is why I am noticing some people will tell a STRANGER an issue before a close friend who they know might repeat it in their circle of friends.

Happiness is ALWAYS an inside job,
Don't assign anyone else that much POWER
in your life!!!

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@happycat wrote:
@Carmie wrote:
I have never confided in anyone for anything that I didn't want repeated. I trust no one, except myself.

@Carmie No doubt this is a good trait. I just have to confide in someone sometimes.
Not me, no way. I trust my sisters, but would not burden them with a grave secret.

I know some really life altering secrets told to me by friends and have never told anyone.

One was from a dear friend who passed away last month. She told me that her husband is not the father of one of her children, but told me who is....just in case, for medical reasons. I have known this for about 20 years and it weighs heavy on my mind.

@Carmie I have sort of the same situation. Someone who has four grown children told me many years ago that there’s a good chance the last one is not her husbands. I hate carrying this and knowing it would kill her husband if he ever found out his only daughter is not his. Even knowing there’s that chance is so hurtful.

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

@KentuckyWoman wrote:

@Grouchomarx wrote:
I confided in a very close girlfriend about some relationship issues that I told only one other person about. It was private stuff. I later learned she told her husband about it, and who knows who else. I am undecided as to whether this is a person I can trust anymore, I feel betrayed. I have a lot of her unsavory secrets in my vault I’ve never told my partner or anyone. Because why would I betray her trust? I am conflicted as to whether I should continue this friendship. Anyone been in this situation? Should I be forgiving or mad? I am so stressed, she is a very good friend. Do some people just talk too much? Or is it a fatal flaw? TIA.
I would be forgiving and mad and then never trust her again. If you share personal facts about your life with someone, they will be just as smart as you are. I rarely share personal or private information or feelings with anyone except my husband. I guess that's just the way I am wired.

I think that’s the issue here. Is it okay to share things with our husbands. You said you’d be forgiving and mad and then never trust her again. But her friend supposedly shared with her husband, same as what many of us would do. Depending on the person and the information, or what I’d promised, I might share with my husband too. He is not one to talk with others about private issues.

Teddie · ‎03-10-2010

@Teddie wrote:
@KentuckyWoman wrote:

@Grouchomarx wrote:
I confided in a very close girlfriend about some relationship issues that I told only one other person about. It was private stuff. I later learned she told her husband about it, and who knows who else. I am undecided as to whether this is a person I can trust anymore, I feel betrayed. I have a lot of her unsavory secrets in my vault I’ve never told my partner or anyone. Because why would I betray her trust? I am conflicted as to whether I should continue this friendship. Anyone been in this situation? Should I be forgiving or mad? I am so stressed, she is a very good friend. Do some people just talk too much? Or is it a fatal flaw? TIA.
I would be forgiving and mad and then never trust her again. If you share personal facts about your life with someone, they will be just as smart as you are. I rarely share personal or private information or feelings with anyone except my husband. I guess that's just the way I am wired.
I think that’s the issue here. Is it okay to share things with our husbands. You said you’d be forgiving and mad and then never trust her again. But her friend supposedly shared with her husband, same as what many of us would do. Depending on the person and the information, or what I’d promised, I might share with my husband too. He is not one to talk with others about private issues.

I need to add something to this. I totally sympathize with the OP. I am not one to go blabbing around and I have kept many secrets. Didn’t want to imply that I share every secret with my husband, as no one knows what I shared above (daughter may not be her husbands). It’s terrible to know this though but I also can appreciate that this person really needed to confide—and she chose me.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I would forget about it and continue the friendship, just don't share your secrets with her. I had a best friend who was forever talking about her sex life and the sex lives of her other girl friends. I never trusted her with anything of that nature and if I did want to get something off my chest I would preface the tell with,"take this to your grave". To my knowledge she never betrayed me, but we are not friends anymore anyway.