Re: Would you trust a friend....

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@alarmclock wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@alarmclock wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@alarmclock wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
I think it is unfair to tell someone something you REALLY REALLY don't want ever told. It is a big burden for them. If you want it kept secret, keep it secret yourself.

Why is it a burden? I would be happy to help a friend carry a burden!

Being trusted is a compliment.
@alarmclock Not to me it isn't. I am a very good friend but I don't want to carry friend's deep dark secrets. Never. Ever! I don't like gossip, I don't like knowing things others don't want to be known.

Yes, it would be a burden to know someone's deep dark secret and be obligated to harbor that and not tell anyone. If it's something they are ashamed of, they should live with it because it if hurtful--don't tell your good friends hurtful things.

And yes, my husband and I do not keep secrets from one another. But also, we are very private people ourselves, and so are our friends. Both of us shy away I guess from gossipy people. I cannot imagine my friends talking about anybody's sex life. We just aren't wired that way.

We are very close, care for one another, love and uphold one another, but just don't "share" on that level. Any of us would be uncomfortable with that.

What I HATE is someone who tells you some gossip and then says "DON'T TELL ANYONE!" To me, hey I didn't ASK to be told and you didn't ASK me if you could tell me, so don't count on me to keep secrets! It isn't fair to do people that way. Not everyone is eager to harbor gossip.

You need to look up the difference between gossip and secret.

Wow. Calm down.

@alarmclock Aren't secrets the things that become gossip? Secrets are the rootstock of gossip when they are no longer secrets. I don't want to know people's deep dark secrets.

Not at all.

Gossip can be true or false and it's "talk" from one person to another. Gabbing.

It can come from a secret or it can be 100% made up.

When a person confides a personal matter in another, they ask the other person to keep it a secret. Sometimes, people need to get something out to another real, living person. Maybe they need advice or they just need to speak the words out loud with no judgments.

Being trusted like that is a compliment to me. To have someone have faith in me like that is a privilege. You sound like you don't make a distinction and you don't want to be bothered with another person's problems.

Well, that's a little unkind to assume I "don't want to be bothered." I am a private person. I don't want to hear other people's secrets. OK? I am not like that. I don't tell secrets either. I had just rather not hear them. I think many people might have some past or think something or know something that others would be hurt by hearing or the past be revisited for no reason. And I know I want no part of that sort of thing. When this started out someone said they could hurt others by what she knew. Well, I don't want to know it to begin with.

My cousin feels the same way. Maybe it's because our moms and aunts were gossips. I don't know. I just know I want far away from it. Don't want to sit around and hear tales about people.

Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way.

chiclets · ‎07-01-2012

The only person you trust with something you want not known is the person you see in the mirror.

If it is a relationship issue, you discuss that with the person in the relationship you have the issue with.

Once it is vocal to an outsider it is never private again.

Now you friend has told another. Now each time you see them you will know they know and if you see them in the company with others you will be probably wonder if anyone else knows. Would you have confided in her husband? Can you look him in the face and not feel weird. A betrayal is a betrayal.

You feel differently about your friend now and that is why you asked your question. Trust is not a questionable issue anymore, you already had your answer when you posted. You can forgive her but you will not forget and going forward will never be the same.

If she is now being looked at as an acquaintance then you have to realize that what you confided in her is easily going to be out there. Unfortunately your trust has placed you in an uncomfortable situation. Speak face to face to this person and let it all out, at this point, you have nothing to loose but might be able to salvage some reasoning for this situation and relationship.