Community Chat

[KentuckyWoman]

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@NicksmomESQ wrote:

  It’s happened to me.I’m still friends with this person but I’m very careful about what I say to her.Our relationship did change.We are not as close anymore.

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Been there and done that.  It only takes one lesson to learn once bitten twice shy. 

[sann]

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@Carmie wrote:

I have never confided in anyone for anything that I didn't want repeated.  I trust no one, except myself.

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Great advice.

[Suziepeach]

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@KentuckyWoman wrote:

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@NicksmomESQ wrote:

  It’s happened to me.I’m still friends with this person but I’m very careful about what I say to her.Our relationship did change.We are not as close anymore.

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Been there and done that.  It only takes one lesson to learn once bitten twice shy. 

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@KentuckyWoman and @NicksmomESQ , me as well. 

[CherryHugs]

l alway forgive but i would not trust them again. I dont confide things to my friends or anyone that I would not want repeated.

[Warrior2022]

Once I confided in a friend and asked her not to tell anyone.  The next day she called me and started with, "My DH says you should,,,"  I said, you told your DH??????.  Said, "We son't keep secrets."  I went off the chain.  I told her that this matter had nothing to do with either of them and had no affect on their lives,  Ended the friendship right then.

[chrystaltree]

I haven't experience that type of betrayal but a very close friend (Jane) did.  She confided in what she thought was her 3 best friends and she swore us to secrecy.  She was married to a verbally and emotionally abusive husband, an alcoholic.  She's been planning her escape for a year.  One "friend" (Mary) told her husband and that blew apart the escape plan because the husband told the abusive husband who was his friend  about his wife's plan.  Told him everything that his wife had told him.  Mary's excuse was that she didn't keep secrets from her husband.  Of course, this was not HER secret so what she actually did was gossip with her husband with no respect at all for her friend's safety and privacy.   It was an awful thing for one woman to do to another woman.  A woman you had known for a decade or more.  She lost all of us as friends because we all pretty much knew that all of our private conversations; the things we had cried about, the female problems we had....Mary had taken it all back to her husband.  There was no way of knowing who he then gossiped with.   Mary lost all of us as friends; there was just no forgiving someone for that level of betray.   You have to do what you feel is right for you.  I don't believe that we are required to forgive...or pretend to forgive everyone for every thing they do that injures us.  There some things that simply are not forgivable.  Will you be able to put this behind you and enjoy your friendship after this?         

[aggravated]

I once confided in a very close friend, who I learned had shared what I told her with other friends.  I asked about it and she said, much to my surprise, that I hadn't specified that I did not want my confidence shared.  I was shocked.  Lesson learned - a qualifier was necessary.  I couldn't believe it.

[hckynut]

@Grouchomarx 

The only way I know of to keep anything "secret" is to tell no one. But, if I just have to tell someone to get it off my chest?  That would be to a professional, that is bound by law called: Client Professional Confidentiality?

That's just me. Lose a close friendship or "get even"? That is not me.

hckynut

[SXMGirl]

I don't confide anything to anyone if I have something that I don't want repeated.  I also don't believe in telling a spouse anything just because you don't keep secrets.  DH only hears the things from me that he needs to know.  I determine what that is. 

[Sunnycorle]

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@Grouchomarx wrote:

I confided in a very close girlfriend about some relationship issues that I told only one other person about. It was private stuff. I later learned she told her husband about it, and who knows who else. I am undecided as to whether this is a person I can trust anymore, I feel betrayed. I have a lot of her unsavory secrets in my vault I’ve never told my partner or anyone. Because why would I betray her trust? I am conflicted as to whether I should continue this friendship. Anyone been in this situation? Should I be forgiving or mad? I am so stressed, she is a very good friend. Do some people just talk too much? Or is it a fatal flaw? TIA.

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@Grouchomarx  talk to her about it.  And think about forgiving.   Don't lose a friend over this, if this is her only mistake and you cherish the friendship I wouldn't want to lose her.

some people tell their spouses everything almost like using them as a therapist.