Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

If she divorces him, he will get visitation with his children - she would not be there to look out for them.

 

I don't know what I would do.


@YorkieonmyPillow,  I don't think that that's a given. I think the court comes up with an arrangement dependent upon the individual circumstances.

 

But I totally agree with our last statement.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,319
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

In general:  When there is a possibility of danger to a spouse and/or her children, the matrimonial vows shouldn't be a factor, imo.  Better to be safe now than sorry later just because of a few vows that were pledged many years ago.  People change and sometimes don't have the other spouse's and family members' best interests at heart,  whether intentional or not.   The best of luck to all concerned.  

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,069
Registered: ‎05-27-2016

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

If she divorces him, he will get visitation with his children - she would not be there to look out for them.

 

I don't know what I would do.


@YorkieonmyPillow,  I don't think that that's a given. I think the court comes up with an arrangement dependent upon the individual circumstances.

 

"But I totally agree with our last statement."


@suzyQ3

 

But I totally agree with our last statement.

 

Oopsy daisy or something?  LOL.

*Call Tyrone*
Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@itiswhatitis wrote:

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

If she divorces him, he will get visitation with his children - she would not be there to look out for them.

 

I don't know what I would do.


@YorkieonmyPillow,  I don't think that that's a given. I think the court comes up with an arrangement dependent upon the individual circumstances.

 

"But I totally agree with our last statement."


@suzyQ3

 

But I totally agree with our last statement.

 

Oopsy daisy or something?  LOL.


Hahahahaha, @itiswhatitis. I am doing stuff like that more and more these days. Can't take me anywhere. :-)


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,069
Registered: ‎05-27-2016

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@itiswhatitis wrote:

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

If she divorces him, he will get visitation with his children - she would not be there to look out for them.

 

I don't know what I would do.


@YorkieonmyPillow,  I don't think that that's a given. I think the court comes up with an arrangement dependent upon the individual circumstances.

 

"But I totally agree with our last statement."


@suzyQ3

 

But I totally agree with our last statement.

 

Oopsy daisy or something?  LOL.


Hahahahaha, @itiswhatitis. I am doing stuff like that more and more these days. Can't take me anywhere. :-)


Uh huh!  :-)

*Call Tyrone*
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

@suzyQ3 wrote:

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

If she divorces him, he will get visitation with his children - she would not be there to look out for them.

 

I don't know what I would do.


@YorkieonmyPillow,  I don't think that that's a given. I think the court comes up with an arrangement dependent upon the individual circumstances.

 

But I totally agree with our last statement.


  You have a lot more faith in family court than I do. It's not about the children; it's about the parent's "rights."

  I've heard of abusive parents getting visitation, so IDK why he wouldn't. Just because he is mentally disturbed? He would still get it, IMHO..........

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Since it's 8 months, she is not wrong to consider staying.  Sounds like he has classic bipolar disorder.

 

IF he is complying with getting help, then this falls in the "better or worse" part of the marriage vows to me.  IF he is motivated to stay married to her, be a father to his children, and comply with treatment - I would stay married.

 

However, if he is a danger, even while in treatment, then she has to protect herself and the children.  A separation until he is stable seems reasonable.  That's what I would base everything on.

 

Hyacinth

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,430
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

I think you were asking what if we would stay or go in this situation so I'll limit my comments to that. 

It would depend how long it was going on and if the person wanted to get better or kept resisting treatment and medications. I would not give up until this person, over the course of time, made no effort to get better despite my attempts to help and stop enabling. How long?  I don't know exactly. 

 

If if I felt my children or I were in danger I would leave, hopefully temporarily, but if necessary file for a divorce if there situation remained the same. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,069
Registered: ‎05-27-2016

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

I think you were asking what if we would stay or go in this situation so I'll limit my comments to that. 

It would depend how long it was going on and if the person wanted to get better or kept resisting treatment and medications. I would not give up until this person, over the course of time, made no effort to get better despite my attempts to help and stop enabling. How long?  I don't know exactly. 

 

If if I felt my children or I were in danger I would leave, hopefully temporarily, but if necessary file for a divorce if there situation remained the same. 


@GenXmuse makes sense theoretically, but people with mental illness are often in self denial.  What a sufferer might want to do and what he is capable of doing is totally different.  It's not like concious decision toward losing wait based on sheer will.  For the mental health paitient it is much more complicated.

*Call Tyrone*
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,430
Registered: ‎05-15-2016

@itiswhatitis wrote:

@Bonanzajellybean wrote:

I think you were asking what if we would stay or go in this situation so I'll limit my comments to that. 

It would depend how long it was going on and if the person wanted to get better or kept resisting treatment and medications. I would not give up until this person, over the course of time, made no effort to get better despite my attempts to help and stop enabling. How long?  I don't know exactly. 

 

If if I felt my children or I were in danger I would leave, hopefully temporarily, but if necessary file for a divorce if there situation remained the same. 


@GenXmuse makes sense theoretically, but people with mental illness are often in self denial.  What a sufferer might want to do and what he is capable of doing is totally different.  It's not like concious decision toward losing wait based on sheer will.  For the mental health paitient it is much more complicated.


Okay.  This is still what I would do.