Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for... - Page 5

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@Goldengate8361 I do not have “friends” anymore. After retiring, I found friendship too time consuming and disappointing. I have many acquaintances....but no one I would call a friend.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

WE are getting one side of a story. The other person may well have had reasons that she didn't want to disclose , so she told a lie

There are lies ,and there are mental reservations. Example, is your mother at home, the child says no..Perhaps they were implying she isn't home to you , rather than she is absent from the home

Things aren't always the way they might look on the surface..We have no idea of the dynamics of this friendship

Some people can be obsessive, and pushy about getting turned down..If they want to lose a friendship over something like this, it's obvious isn't that important to them in the first place

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
Honesty matters to me--and I'm just about to totally let a friend go becuase she lied to me--when the truth would have done just as good. I don't get it.

I asked a friend (who is now a long-distance friend) for a favor. Instead of saying "oh I really don't want to do that" or "Oh I hate doing those, etc.," she made up a ridiculous reason why she couldn't do me the favor. Her excuse was so blatantly false (and I have proof now that it's not true), it was insulting to me. We've been close friends for several years and have always spoken very bluntly, so I was dismayed by her lying. I've decided that I don't want to be friends with people that lie. I'm letting her go. What would you do? How much does honesty in frieindships matter to you?

@Goldengate8361 I agree. Since I am perfect, I would only have perfect friends. And I would smile and say "thank you" when they say to me "Good grief why would ever wear something like that? You look awful." Because it would be the truth. . .

Think long and hard before you demand the truth from people. They might all start telling you!

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@Goldengate8361 You are contradicting yourself.

If you have known all along about her "character or lack of" then how can you say she has always been honest and candid? Why does it now surprise you that she was not honest?

You said she "SHOULD" have done the favor and as soon as we attach "SHOULD" the issue becomes not about the lie but about the expectation that a person "SHOULD" behave as we expect.

I think you are more tiffed at the decline to grant you a favor (since she SHOULD have done it) than her lame excuse to beg off from granting said favor.

I seriously wonder how you found out she lied-being long distance. Is there another person with whom you discussed this and is there a bit of gossip going on?

I'm not picking at you-I think since all the "facts" are not here then it leaves some doubt as to why this seems to be all about the friend with no character (who was always honest??) and doesn't seem to understand why she "SHOULD" do as asked.

Let it be.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@Cakers3 wrote:
@Goldengate8361 You are contradicting yourself.

If you have known all along about her "character or lack of" then how can you say she has always been honest and candid? Why does it now surprise you that she was not honest?

You said she "SHOULD" have done the favor and as soon as we attach "SHOULD" the issue becomes not about the lie but about the expectation that a person "SHOULD" behave as we expect.

I think you are more tiffed at the decline to grant you a favor (since she SHOULD have done it) than her lame excuse to beg off from granting said favor.

I seriously wonder how you found out she lied-being long distance. Is there another person with whom you discussed this and is there a bit of gossip going on?

I'm not picking at you-I think since all the "facts" are not here then it leaves some doubt as to why this seems to be all about the friend with no character (who was always honest??) and doesn't seem to understand why she "SHOULD" do as asked.

Let it be.

Not only that, but the friend SHOULD have been HAPPY to do her the favor.

Sounds like there's a whole bunch of SHOULDING all over the place.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@Anonymous032819 It's so freaking hot in my neck of the woods.

I think you SHOULD go out and get me a gallon of ice cream.

Hurry up. lmao

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@Cakers3 wrote:
@Anonymous032819 It's so freaking hot in my neck of the woods.

I think you SHOULD go out and get me a gallon of ice cream.

Hurry up. lmao

I have to wash my hair.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

Wsmom · ‎03-09-2010

@haddon9 wrote:
So what do you say to someone who tells the truth but the friend either doesn't hear it or just doesn't get it? Do you just keep on saying the same thing when the same request is made?

My dilemma....I've mentioned before that my DH has a lot of health issues. Several years ago when my DH was going downhill we were invited to a good friend's daughter's wedding in a city 5 hours away. I had to tell her that I just didn't know if we could go until the last minute (which made me feel terrible!) and she insisted that my DH would be okay in a few weeks...well he wasn't and only got worse. He got so bad that he ended up staying the the hospital for 2 weeks later that summer.

I however went with two other women who are friends and we shared a hotel room. DS stayed with DH that weekend.

Now she just got married (this is a second marriage for her) and plans on having a small party next month to celebrate at her home. Once again because of all of his health issues DH will be unable to eat or drink anything (including water believe it or not!) and he's become a crazy fanatic about wifi and blue light affecting his health...bottom line he won't want to go but if I insist he might...so what do I say to her? If I tell the truth it sounds wacky but it's just easier to lie and say he isn't feeling well...which is partly true.

Life isn't always so easy and black & white....

Ohmygosh, @haddon9 , certainly not to your extent but I have a friend who always just says what she thinks I want to hear and speaks right over what I am saying. (Also in regard to health issues.) Doesn't hear a word of it and she knows, etc. It is her personality; she is still a very good friend, but man it's like beating my head against a wall having a discussion on that topic.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Wsmom It's very frustrating....even when I explain to my own mother some of what we're going through she really doesn't get it.

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
@sunshine45 Fair points made, but in this case, the truth is she SHOULD have been happy to do what I was asking her (but that's another post and would take entirely too long to go into; it wasn't a huge deal), so I don't expect folks reading my OP to have all the answers....I was just interested in everyone's opinion about the importance of honesty in friendships. In this case, we BOTH had a history of being very blunt and honest--and freely saying "no" when we wanted to.

Everyone has an interesting perspective--so I'm grateful for everyone sharing their thoughts and insights.

So this post makes me want to reverse this story.

You have a friend and you ask her a favor. She doesn't really feel like doing it for whatever reason, but she knows you will think she should absolutely want to do it. So she makes up an excuse so you wont be mad. And she ma have been right to since this one incident makes you want to drop this long relationship without even asking her about it it seems. Maybe you did. If not I'd ask her. Maybe she has something going on that she hasn't told anyone about.Since you think she should have been happy to do this I think you probably would have asked for an explanation if she just said no.