Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for... - Page 4

Wsmom · ‎03-09-2010

I agree with those who feel she didn't want to do it but was afraid to admit that. Unless she's lying to you on big ticket stuff I don't think that would bother me.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

I don't get bent out of shape by things that are trivial. Friends matter to me more than things like this do

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

@Goldengate8361

perhaps if you prefer to be blunt and lose a friendship, then maybe you will let her know that you know for a fact that she was lying to you and that you expected better of her.....and then let the friendship go?

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"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

So what do you say to someone who tells the truth but the friend either doesn't hear it or just doesn't get it? Do you just keep on saying the same thing when the same request is made?

My dilemma....I've mentioned before that my DH has a lot of health issues. Several years ago when my DH was going downhill we were invited to a good friend's daughter's wedding in a city 5 hours away. I had to tell her that I just didn't know if we could go until the last minute (which made me feel terrible!) and she insisted that my DH would be okay in a few weeks...well he wasn't and only got worse. He got so bad that he ended up staying the the hospital for 2 weeks later that summer.

I however went with two other women who are friends and we shared a hotel room. DS stayed with DH that weekend.

Now she just got married (this is a second marriage for her) and plans on having a small party next month to celebrate at her home. Once again because of all of his health issues DH will be unable to eat or drink anything (including water believe it or not!) and he's become a crazy fanatic about wifi and blue light affecting his health...bottom line he won't want to go but if I insist he might...so what do I say to her? If I tell the truth it sounds wacky but it's just easier to lie and say he isn't feeling well...which is partly true.

Life isn't always so easy and black & white....

LuvmyLab · ‎06-07-2010

Honesty is very important to me whether it be in my marriage or with friends. For me, with a friend, it would depend on the lie she told and why.

RoughDraft · ‎03-09-2010

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
@sunshine45 Fair points made, but in this case, the truth is she SHOULD have been happy to do what I was asking her (but that's another post and would take entirely too long to go into; it wasn't a huge deal), so I don't expect folks reading my OP to have all the answers....I was just interested in everyone's opinion about the importance of honesty in friendships. In this case, we BOTH had a history of being very blunt and honest--and freely saying "no" when we wanted to.

Everyone has an interesting perspective--so I'm grateful for everyone sharing their thoughts and insights.

In all fairness to your friend, if we don't have the full story how are we expected to make a judgement against this woman?

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Good answers. I think Goldengate raises a good question. Some people aren't assertive enough to be forthright and it does impair trust. I think it's more about the person who can't speak the truth more than it is someone intentionally lying. It's a character thing, but I've found people who can't be forthright are often intimidated in general.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

alliswell · ‎07-12-2012

@Marp wrote:
Does all this mean that what is essentially a "white lie" is more

important to you and your relationship with this woman than

her already known to you character problem, lack of character,

low character and lack of integrity?

Good point, @Marp

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

Friendship, honesty and trust are very important things to me. I have had what I thought were friends over the years who were caught in lies. I detest a liar and had no trouble turning my back to those people over time. Life is too short to have a so-called friend who is a liar.