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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,267
Registered: ‎01-27-2014

Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

Honesty matters to me--and I'm just about to totally let a friend go becuase she lied to me--when the truth would have done just as good. I don't get it.

 

I asked a friend (who is now a long-distance friend) for a favor. Instead of saying "oh I really don't want to do that" or "Oh I hate doing those, etc.," she made up a ridiculous reason why she couldn't do me the favor. Her excuse was so blatantly false (and I have proof now that it's not true), it was insulting to me. We've been close friends for several years and have always spoken very bluntly, so I was dismayed by her lying. I've decided that I don't want to be friends with people that lie. I'm letting her go. What would you do? How much does honesty in frieindships matter to you?

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,814
Registered: ‎05-23-2011

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

You asking for a favor seemed to bother her so much that she made up an excuse why she couldn't do it. Some people you can't just say no to and leave it at that.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,335
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

Well she already is a long distance friend, just don’t ask her anymore favors and stay long distance. I wouldn’t want to carry that grudge it’s not good for you. 

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,446
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

I agree with @JaneMarple   some people don't know how to come out and just say I'd rather not.  Instead they turn into bad storytellers.  I think for the most part their hearts are in the right place.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,158
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

Honesty in a best friend is everything, if I can't trust you I can't share things with you. If a friend can't be up front with you on doing you a favor, how could you trust her with anything really important. Sometime we think our friends think more of the relationship than they really do, so you might want to consider that before you cut her loose. I have friends who I know I could never trust with a confidence or ask a big favor of , but we are still friends.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,853
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

[ Edited ]

Of course, a true friendship requires honesty.  But not perfection.  It sounds to me like your friend didn't want to do what you asked but she didn't want  you to get angry with her so she made up an excuse.  It wasn't a hurtful or cruel or damaging lie.  To be honest, going by your reaction to this thing....I can see why she felt she had to lie.  If it were me and if our friendship was important to me,  I'd let it go.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,421
Registered: ‎11-25-2011

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

Maybe she’s not as close to you as you are with her.

Or maybe she’s trying to distance herself from you.

Sometimes friendships end. Chapter closed.

And that’s ok. 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,297
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

when a favor is asked for, the person being asked has the right to say no but they don't always feel they can say it.  A good friend would cut her the slack to let her off the hook. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,267
Registered: ‎01-27-2014

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

Interesting respones; thanks to everyone who is weighing in...I can always count on this board for interesting perspective.

 

I'm pretty sure she just has a character problem (or lack thereof), which is something that i really (if I'm honest) already knew. She is not trying to distance herself from me at all. You are right (whoever said this...) that we're now long-distance friends, so I could just let it "slide." For years, however, we were always totally honest and candid with each other, so I would have expected her to be perfectly honest--as we've been in the past and about similar kinds of request, etc. Oh well....I think it's a mark of her low character and lack of integrity. Honesty is very, very important in all relationships.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,809
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Would you stay friends with someone who lied - for an unimportant reason?

One of the worst things you can do to me is lie.  I admit it, I can’t stand liars.  

 

I’ve had friends who are no longer friends who lied to me.

 

I don’t lie.  I don’t like to be lied to.

 

I think it says a lot about a person’s character when they lie...plain and simple.

 

I’ll go to the ends of the earth for friends....just don’t lie to me.

 

I know someone who lies just to be lying.  That’s called a prevaricator.  Her picture would be next to the word.

 

My advice to the OP?  Just let the friendship fade away.  Don’t respond if called,etc.  you’ll never be able to trust her again.  You can THINK you can, but you’ll always have that voice in the back of your mind wondering if it’s true.