Would you loan money to a friend or family member? - Page 8

raven-blackbird · ‎06-03-2010

I have a rule and it goes like this...............sure I'll lend you money, here's how it works, the moment you don't pay me back is the last time I'll lend you money.........and I never break my rules.............and it's always worked...................raven

We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo

Snoopp · ‎02-02-2015

I would lend to family and would not expect it to be paid back (but I'm sure it would be).

cater · ‎03-10-2010

Yes, Yes I have loaned money out to people. Out some money from people I was sure would pay it back. Paid back with interest from someone I was sure I would never see my money come back to me. Yes I would still lend or give money if someone asked me for it, My thought is a person has to really need money to ask for it, and I think it hurts them to even ask for a loan. But what choice does a person have when they get in to a bind and need help? I am just glad to be able to do the favor. I am not talking about big amounts.

J Town Girl · ‎06-13-2011

I once had a co-worker ask me if I could loan her some money with the plan that she would pay me back within a few weeks. I did loan her the money but she never made any effort to pay me back. Even though it was a small amount..$40.00.. the fact that she did not honor her word just made me feel different about her from then on.

We continued to work together but it was never the same for me. I later found out that she also took money from another co-worker and never paid her back either.

Surprisingly she asked both of us to lend her money again.

Needless to say we both refused.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

There would be an awful lot of 'it depends' in it for me, I'm afraid.

My thing wouldn't even be about the money but, say I loan somebody some money and they never pay it back. Being the complicated person that I am, what would happen would be that it would change who I thought that person was going in. Before I probably trusted them and thought they had a certain level of integrity. If they just blew it off and never even gave thought to paying me back I would probably no longer like who that person was.

I don't know if that all makes sense to anybody else, but it makes HUGE sense in my head.

But then, also, I've been somebody who has never asked anybody for anything. I've had hard times as much as the next person, so I understand hard times.

ButI hate it when somebody turns out to be a totally different person than who they represented themselves to be. I once had a friend who I thought was a kind, loving, giving person. Then one day she told me how all my gay friends were 'evil and going to you-know-where'. I suddenly had nothing in common with her. I also felt sorry for her. But I didn't respect her anymore.

I probably think too much.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@chickenbutt wrote:
There would be an awful lot of 'it depends' in it for me, I'm afraid.

My thing wouldn't even be about the money but, say I loan somebody some money and they never pay it back. Being the complicated person that I am, what would happen would be that it would change who I thought that person was going in. Before I probably trusted them and thought they had a certain level of integrity. If they just blew it off and never even gave thought to paying me back I would probably no longer like who that person was.

I don't know if that all makes sense to anybody else, but it makes HUGE sense in my head.

But then, also, I've been somebody who has never asked anybody for anything. I've had hard times as much as the next person, so I understand hard times.

ButI hate it when somebody turns out to be a totally different person than who they represented themselves to be. I once had a friend who I thought was a kind, loving, giving person. Then one day she told me how all my gay friends were 'evil and going to you-know-where'. I suddenly had nothing in common with her. I also felt sorry for her. But I didn't respect her anymore.

I probably think too much.

Exactly the same thing happened to me with a lifelong friend (well over 60 years). She said "They should have stayed slaves longer" because she was angry at a bunch of kids on the side of a road. I lost my breath and could not respond, she had always pretended to be so much the opposite. I was devastated.

It took a few more weeks of each phone call getting shorter and shorter and my not being able to respond to her anymore as my respect for her had ended. Then it all broke down in one phone conversation when she categorically denied having said it and the conversation abruptly ended.

Two weeks later she sent me a cryptic email that said she never wanted to hear from me again and blamed it all on me. That was almost three years ago.

I think I could have handled a disagreement over money, but I couldn't handle that.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Sunnyfield · ‎04-20-2010

I have been on both sides - down on luck and needing to ask for money as well as being ASKED for money...

I totally understand the ALL of us need help at some time in our lives.

I repaid all but two of the people who gave me money - unfortunately one passed away before I could pay him back so I donated the amount of money to one of his charities. The other one is my BFF who told me it was a gift and never to mention it again - we have been BFF's since childhood.

Fortunately, things improved for me.

What bugs me now is that a family member constantly asks for money - I mean every month - never large amounts - and I have found out that he and his girlfriend ask just about everyone for money every month - I have started to say no - because this is a way of life for them and they apparently are not capable of or willing to change....

so as I said - I totally get needing help and how gut wrenching it can be to ask for money - I would help anyone at any time, because I have been there...but when living off others becomes a way of life, I have to draw the line.

muttmom · ‎11-28-2012

yes

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

Lilac - Oh wow, I so totally understand. Then to make like YOU did something wrong. I guess that person needed to tell herself something to make her feel like she isn't as awful as she actually knows she is. She knows. She cannot help herself because she doesn't want to - it's actually how she feels. Otherwise she would have never said something so horrible.

I cannot tell you how many people I've known over the years, who always made a point to extol their moral superiority over me, then I'd hear them say horrible things, and call horrible names, about anybody who is AA, Hispanic, or Gay.

It boggles the mind. But that's when my brain just shuts down toward them. All I can think is that I'm grateful that I'm not like that!!