Community Chat

[Another new name Sue]

On 10/17/2014 ROMARY said:

I have a feeling that the friend was in some sort of 'miff'/'mood'. She didn't do her daughters any favors by making them leave. I'm sure that they had words with one another in their car, driving home. Sometimes people awaken in a bad mood, and then one thing goes wrong, then another, and then they end up letting loose all of their frustrations later on in the day, usually onto someone they know they can get away (with).

Being in a mood is no excuse for being rude to a family celebrating a marriage.

[ROMARY]

Happygal: Yes, not an excuse, but it happened. I'd try to forget it. At least they didn't make a scene. They just left, and most likely the bride and groom and others didn't even notice. I'm always willing to give folks another chance. It could be a personality problem that the friend has recently developed, maybe offending others, too; Which isn't a good excuse, but at least it's a reason why not to take it personally. Some folks become 'grouchy' and/or extremely agitated for whatever reason. Sometimes meds, etc. I've seen it happen. A change of medication, and all became well/normal again.

[birddrops]

On 10/16/2014 mineralgirl1 said: I probably won't give up on the friendship but unfortunately I will never feel the same about her. She never called to explain nor did she apologize. I guess it wasn't about my daughter, it was about her.

I think she owes you a big apology. I understand why you are upset, this is something that shouldn't be chalked up to a bad day or a mood.

This was one of the biggest days in your life, and of course your daughter's. It is bad enough she left the way she did, but then no explanation or apology! Rude, rude, rude! I would definitely be rethinking my "friendship" with this woman.

[birddrops]

On 10/16/2014 qualitygal said:

My husband and I went to a wedding once and were seated at a table, where the other guests didn't come. We had a good time anyway. When the bride (an old friend) and her new husband came over to visit with us, we had them all to ourselves. It really didn't phase us, since we were there for the bride and groom. We couldn't help who did not show up. After that we did go. So that's my answer.

What does this have to do with the op's situation?

[YorkieonmyPillow]

On 10/17/2014 birddrops said:

On 10/16/2014 mineralgirl1 said: I probably won't give up on the friendship but unfortunately I will never feel the same about her. She never called to explain nor did she apologize. I guess it wasn't about my daughter, it was about her.

I think she owes you a big apology. I understand why you are upset, this is something that shouldn't be chalked up to a bad day or a mood.

This was one of the biggest days in your life, and of course your daughter's. It is bad enough she left the way she did, but then no explanation or apology! Rude, rude, rude! I would definitely be rethinking my "friendship" with this woman.

What a silly thing to get offended about! I wouldn't contact her again, because I don't think this woman is really your friend. Anyone that would get in a huff about something so harmless really isn't someone I'd even WANT as a friend.

[NYC Susan]

I think that leaving any wedding for that reason is pretty immature and incredibly rude. It doesn't matter if it's just an acquaintance, if she was in a bad mood, or if there were 500 people there. Becoming so offended over something so silly is no excuse to behave like that under any circumstances.

But IMO this is even worse because she's been your best friend for a long time. And the wedding was small. Three people walking out of a small wedding is the height of rudeness. To be included in your intimate group and then just leave like that is pretty awful. And then to give you the silent treatment for days afterward. No, this is just all kinds of wrong.

Personally, I would feel honored to be invited to such a small wedding, and it would never cross my mind to judge the seating or feel offended or leave if things weren't exactly the way I expected. I'm quite sure you invited her so she could share in the joy of the day, celebrate with you, and wish the new couple well. It's a shame she thought she was there for different reasons.

And she made her daughters leave too! Wow - Just really, really inconsiderate and self-centered.

I completely sympathize with you, and I don't blame you at all for being upset or for seeing her in a completely different light now. Everyone slips up, so even if this could be chalked up to something completely out of character for her or if there were valid extenuating circumstances (I can't imagine what!), it's still pretty crummy that she didn't get in touch with you a day or two later to apologize.

(edited to add: Congratulations! Much happiness to the newlyweds!!)

[NYC Susan]

On 10/17/2014 happygal said:

On 10/17/2014 ROMARY said:

I have a feeling that the friend was in some sort of 'miff'/'mood'. She didn't do her daughters any favors by making them leave. I'm sure that they had words with one another in their car, driving home. Sometimes people awaken in a bad mood, and then one thing goes wrong, then another, and then they end up letting loose all of their frustrations later on in the day, usually onto someone they know they can get away (with).

Being in a mood is no excuse for being rude to a family celebrating a marriage.

I agree. Walking out on the wedding of a best friend's daughter is not the same as being cranky on a random Tuesday over coffee.

A good friend would keep in mind the significance of the day, put her bad mood on hold, and at least pretend to be in the party spirit. In other words, act like an adult.

IMO being at the wedding of my best friend's daughter (which would mean I likely knew the bride as a little girl) would be enough to get me out of any bad mood I might have been in. It would be such a special day to me! I just don't understand being so petty about something so silly and completely losing sight of the big picture.

It sounds as though she deprived herself (and her own daughters) of a lovely time. Clearly, her priorities are pretty messed up.

[NYC Susan]

On 10/17/2014 ROMARY said:

Happygal: Yes, not an excuse, but it happened. I'd try to forget it. At least they didn't make a scene. They just left, and most likely the bride and groom and others didn't even notice. I'm always willing to give folks another chance. It could be a personality problem that the friend has recently developed, maybe offending others, too; Which isn't a good excuse, but at least it's a reason why not to take it personally. Some folks become 'grouchy' and/or extremely agitated for whatever reason. Sometimes meds, etc. I've seen it happen. A change of medication, and all became well/normal again.

"At least they didn't make a scene"? Really? Was that an option? I've been to many, many weddings in my life and have never once seen anyone even come close to making a scene. Why are we expected to give this woman credit because "at least she didn't make a scene"?

And 3 people walking out of a wedding & leaving 3 empty chairs is certainly going to be noticed at a wedding of only 45 people.

The point is not how many people noticed. The OP noticed. Her best friend for 20 years. What this woman did impacted a major milestone day in the OP's life. With no regret, no remorse, no apology even days later.

[Vivian]

Give yourself a little time to cool down. What your friend did was rude and selfish but if you say something to her now, at the height of your anger, you may regret it. I'd wait awhile before contacting her, see how you feel, and then decide whether it's worthwhile to say more about it to her.

[beach ladydrb]

Thank you all for your feedback. I really do feel like i am owed an apology, it was just so hurtful and yes people did notice. Her bridesmaid asked me if they did something wrong. My sister couldn't believe it, she has known her for years too. My daughter the bride is very angry and says she doesn't think she will ever speak to her again. It's very sad and so unnecessary.