Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgivea... - Page 8

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

@Bri369"It's so important to maintain your own credit and have access to your own money for this very reason."

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@Laura14"If any man ever stepped out on me, I have to say I would forgive myself after stepping over his dead body and dropping a note where his family could pick it up. It's the least I could do."

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

Spinach30 · ‎03-15-2017

This is a difficult topic for me. This happened to me about 15 years ago. I found out my husband was cheating on me. I confronted him and he was very contrite and willing to go to counseling. I was so hurt and I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do - I just felt I couldn't love him as before and wanted some time apart to decide. While trying to figure it out he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He only lived another 6 months and I took care of him til his last breath. Difficult, difficult situtation and I don't know what would have happened to our marriage.

I remarried three years ago and, thank God, I'm very happy with a wonderful husband. Life is so unpredictable!

cactusgal · ‎12-28-2011

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tsavorite · ‎03-09-2010

Wanted to add another comment to this topic....my father had a 4yr affair with a co-worker I was 5yrs old at the time it began. 6 children in my family and the affair person had 4 of her own. To say that infidelity can make marriages "better" is crazy in my experience. My father was like a man possessed and insane about this other woman. My Mom tried everything to reason with him....asked even his siblings to help...nobody could talk any sense into him. He would hook up with her while her husband was out of town on his business trips....be gone for days at a time and then just show up whenever cause she had to go back and pretend with her spouse days later.

I can't even begin to explain to folks that didn't grow up in a situation like mine what it is like...I have no words it's so bad. It took my Mom 2 1/2yrs for the divorce to finally be final...my dad would not leave the family home. Represented himself in court (always thought he was smarter then everyone) refused to leave until the exact day and it was court ordered. It was awful growing up knowing WHAT my father was REALLY like...it gave me a very warped sense of the male to female relationship.

He was mean....alcoholic...adulterer...I felt like I hated him most of my life and so did my sister and brothers. My Mom tried to commit suicide shortly after she found out...it took her a long time to get somewhat better.

She was totally uneducated and had zero skills...she got a small job in a factory on assembly line making toy trains.

The 2 yrs they were divorced and he was out of the home were the most peaceful yrs of my life. THey remarried I was about 10 at the time....we cried and begged her NOT to let him back in our lives. But she was struggling so badly financially that she just couldn't see how she/us could make it without taking him back.

THere was NO marriage counseling to fix him....or addiction help....he did nothing to change. It was crazy....I used to tell people growing up I lived in HELL...that was my address.

When I was 17 things changed for me....that's when my relationship with Christ began...along with my Mom, sister and 1 brother. Yrs later I was able to forgive...and moved out and married. Living out of the family home was key...I needed space. Father did stop drinking...just came home from doctors appt. and never touched a beer again. Never talked about it...nothing. I never asked...we/us had no real close relationship.

My parents slept in separate rooms from about 2wks after they remarried on. LIke brother and sister...they would go out to eat daily together as that was something my Mom refused to do was wait on him and make meals...she was sick of that.

It was a bizarre marriage....but she passed on at 83 and him at 85....nearly 54yrs combined. So ya there are couples out there doing all kinds of things I am sure...doesn't make it a "good" marriage.

The Bushes had a "good" marriage....I admire them for their family connection and love...beautiful to see.

Peaches McPhee · ‎04-19-2010

Interesting topic for discussion. Of course, every couple is different in how they feel it is best to proceed.

For me, if it was a one time only, a one-night stand so to speak, I'd work on moving past it. Not saying I'd be successful, but I'd try. If it was a long term affair, or multiple one-night stands, it would be a different story - I could not move past that.

-- pro-aging --

Rochester, New York

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

@tsavorite. my mouth is hanging open. all i can say is "wow" and not in a good way

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

Hi @BirkiLady

A couple of years ago I was betrayed by a man I really felt was a friend. Short version(from me!). What he did was responsible for taking away something I loved for 52 years of my life, longer than my relationship with my wife.

That was the 52 years I spent Starting and Running my Adult Hockey League. I delegated nothing in respect to running this League, I was the Top/Bottom, and everything in between that it took to successfully run this League for a record period of time. The only help I needed was for my wife keeping the score sheet and statistics during our games. She did that for 30 of those 52 years, and then I paid a rink worker to do this necessary part of my operation.

Over those 52 years I missed only 1 game(I was in the hospital), through my playing/being the Ref/and doing the Stats, after I could no longer could risk being on the ice during the game play.

This man tore away the biggest thing, outside of my family, that I loved. Grudge? Not sure what that entails, but I will never forget nor forgive what this man(friend? HA) took away from my life. When I go skating 2-3 times a week, it is hard not to remember what he did, especially when I meet some at the rink that play hockey.

My beliefs when it comes to one partners infidelity? There usually are more than 1 side of situations, even these types of things. Not saying the innocent is culpable, but maybe just more to the story.

I know from a lot of personal experiences that it is not only my gender that is guilty of this. From my much younger days and being around many young married couples, it almost was more likely than not, 1 or both were guilty of looking for attention elsewhere.

Nuff said, eh?

hckynut

hckynut(john)

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@tsavorite Your history may be why it is so difficult to see the
Bushes funeral...for the loss of what we may never have had as a family. They were so blessed to have had the tight relationships and role models that they could count on. Your experience may not be so rare for many, even though the isolation may take different forms. Your strength and courage shows through. Hoping for many days of peace and joy in your present life. I can relate in many ways.