Community Chat

[jubilant]

@photodreamr

Although I believe you had grounds for divorce, I admire you for trying to keep it together under the circumstances. I hope as time goes by and he gets the help he has needed for so long.... things will continue to get better for you. If not, at least you tried.  My prayers go with you.

  I know someone who is married to someone who has all the symptoms of Asperger's and her life has not been easy.  She hesitates to divorce because he has not been unfaithful.  He has been a bear to live with, however.  Each person has to do what they think is right.  I don't think women should feel, however, that they have to take abuse of any kind.   

[BirkiLady]

@cherry  We were raised well and met the right kind of men. Doubt either of us ever mingled socially with that type of character! You and I chose respectible men to date and marry . . . and they did the same when dating us.

It is painful to read some of the things people have been through. Glad many of them have divorced and moved on with their lives. Must have been hard for their families to watch them go through such rough times, especially with children involved. Cannot imagine the stressers, financial aspects and emotional tolls of being in a bad marriage. It must be easier to be a single parent than to deal with all that drama and whatever each situation entails. 

I'm too pragmatic to put up with nonsense. Don't think anyone would get by with much. Don't plan to find out. Not going to remarry. I've had the best and won't settle for less.  

[AuntG]

Once the trust is lost, the relationship would be over for me.

[missy1]

never

[missy1]

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@Mary Bailey wrote:

for many years I told DH if he had an affair I'm ok with it

married 33 years, together 38 years   Just don't divorce

life is too short   be happy

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Why not divorce? I am not sharing my man with another woman!

[missy1]

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@ROMARY wrote:

As (whatever) as this may sound:

It would  depend on finances.

I would tend to end the relationship if there were significant financial benefits (for me and our children).

Some spouses simply cannot 'end' a marriage because of hardship.  I'm only guessing that marital counseling would benefit those couples.

So, if I were, say, fairly 'wealthy', I'd make a 'B-line' for the exit.   My spouse would have to make several Huge attempts to 'straighten out', so to speak. 

There, I said it! 

Interesting thread, btw.

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Divorce!

They need to make finances work out. Get another job, stay with family, rent a room.

I tell people make sure you can support yourself, if something happens.

[missy1]

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@Carmie wrote:

Good question.  I have been asked this before.  

For me, it depends on the circumstances.  If it was just physical and one time . It would be possible to forgive unless it became a habit. 

If it was emotional and Intimate and went on for a time, I would feel differently.  There are many variables.  We are not perfect and we are human.  

I would feel betrayed more by the emotional affair.

I met my DH when I was 15 and got married when I was 19.  He is 15 months older.  We have been married 45 years, so we have been married for a long time.

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That would be the one time they got caught. Then they would make it more discrete.

[missy1]

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@sidsmom wrote:

What if....the extra relationship was making

your long-termed married relationship stronger?

IOW:

If you felt like your married life was blissful for decades and

both you & your spouse had no issues...not one single hint

of either party being unhappy....only to find out your spouse

had an extramarital affair for the last 20 years.

If everyone’s happy, why not continue the way it was?

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Are you serious? . Divorce and then live together in a open relationship. See how this works out.

[CAMOGIRL]

Knowing me .... I am thinking probably not.

I tend not to forgive and forget very easily.

And, that would be a big one - I do not think it would ever really be forgiven or forgotten.

[CANDLEQUEEN]

I don't think I could go on with that person, because the trust would be broken. There is however a difference between an affair and a one night stand. An affair is emotional involvement as well as sexual. A one Night stand is just Sex......So that could be a deciding factor with some.....

I just don't think I could get past the trust factor being broken.....But again until you are in a situation, its hard to know for an absolute fact of what you would do....

My husband and I both said that Fidelity was of utmost importance in our relationship, so not sure what would happen if either of us broke that....