Community Chat

[SuhseK]

This was a question posed to us, in a non-credit, Modern Relationships class, that I just finished. 

Talk about out sparking some heated discussion and debate! 

In our group, I’d say women, people over 50’ish, and people married the longest, seemed most inclined to say, that, infidelity, would end their relationship, trust, Would be destroyed!

It surprised me a bit, about the long marrieds, I, thought the length of their investment, might make them more willing to work it out. 

For me, I feel it’s one of those situations that would, be dealt with if it happened.  Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum and there can be a lot of variables. 

[Mary Bailey]

for many years I told DH if he had an affair I'm ok with it

married 33 years, together 38 years   Just don't divorce

life is too short   be happy

[deepwaterdotter]

It would have to happen before I could know if it would be forgiven.

[Katcat1]

@SuhseK  When trust is broken that basically ends the relationship.  Yes, when you can't trust your mate, there is no marriage.  Arguments or not getting along does not mean a person can stray.  You need to sit down and talk and try to figure out what is wrong.  If you can't fix it, then move on.

[bonnielu]

I know it happens and it is sad but I have never associated it with me.  Married my best friend forever BBF.  We have been married 52 years.  We were meant for each other although we are exact opposites.  We met and were married within 6 months.  He proposed second date I might add.  We are blessed and truly lucky.  But we do work at it and put each other first. 

[YorkieonmyPillow]

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@Mary Bailey wrote:

for many years I told DH if he had an affair I'm ok with it

married 33 years, together 38 years   Just don't divorce

life is too short   be happy

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Why?

[tsavorite]

I don't believe anyone for sure could answer that question unless they go thur it themselves.  There are so many variables that could be going on as to whether or not a marriage could survive that betrayal.  One big one is the person having the affair would have to END it and have zero contact with this other person for life.  They would have to be truly repentant and do a 180....and of course marriage counseling to fix any and all issues that led to infidelity in the 1st place.  

[Snowpuppy]

Unforgiveness doesn't always = divorce.

I've known couples who have stayed married and fought it out to the bitter end when one finally dies.

[jannabelle1]

Since I've been through this, I can tell you unequivocably that cheating does occur in a "vacuum". And, if the cheating spouse" just needs to move out for awhile to find himself", you can bet that he's moving in with her. And you'd want to work this out? I was devastated. And no, there is nothing to work out at that point.

[viva923]

been together over 50 yrs now, married 48 yrs.

it would hurt me tremendously if my husband had an affair.  I am not sure what I would do if he told me he was or had an affair. I guess I would have to cross that bridge if it ever happen.