@LilacTree wrote:
Dear John ( . . . "oh how I hate to write" . . . sorry, I couldn't resist). LOL
Reality is that aging is tragic, and I don't necessarily mean you know your days are numbered. I mean the constant losses, usually every year, one can look back at something they can no longer do. It's worse for those with health issues as you have, and autoimmune diseases that I have, which pick away at everything the body used to do without a thought. I received the convection oven I bought from the Q. It sits in the hallway now for four days, as I can't open the box. I have to wait until someone can unwrap it for me. Maybe this weekend.
It started years ago, as I am now 79 . . . used to have beautiful hand writing, now I can't even print. Thankfully I can still type, but so much slower and always having to deliberately plant my fingers on my right hand on the keys because they no longer automatically go there. (When that goes, I will really hit bottom).
I used to roller skate, my sister and I were really good. I could still do it in my 40s and 50s, but that is certainly gone now since I can't even stand up for five minutes without back pain. I used to ride my bike every day. I've lost at least 50% hearing in my left ear, I can't bend over, twist, or reach, I can't pick up more than a half gallon of anything and that has to be with both hands and from a countertop. I have to prepare myself to swallow or I will choke. I can't make my bed, I have to sit in the shower, I can't slice anything, so I can't cook, I can't make my bed, or vacuum. I am used to the constant bruising, pain, UTIs, gastric issues, itching, sore scalp, dropping and breaking things.
I took myself off the road five years ago. My daughter now drives the car I had just bought before I realized I had lost not only the physical ability to drive, but my sense of distance (turning too soon, or too late). I don't want to kill myself or anyone else.
Yet I feel lucky because I can still type, I can still type, I can still type. I am still good mentally, not always emotionally. You are still good mentally, but you yearn for the thing you loved most (other than your wife and your pets) and that is being on the ice, that exhilarating feeling of hardly meeting the ground as you glide across it, the satisfaction of running a team and when they won . . . such a rush!!
Getting (Being) old is tragic and I consider us both lucky because we are still here. So many of my loved ones and companions, friends, much younger than I, are already gone.
So we have to make the most of what we still have, because we may not have it next year. It all goes very fast at this stage of life.
Your post brought all of this out in me, because you have never been one to complain. You've been through so much, showing the strength of character that you obviously have. Both of us (and many others here) have to be grateful every day for what we do have because there's no "up" from here, there is just acceptance.
Hang in there, John. And be careful. (((Hugs))) ~Ford
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