Community Chat

[Isobel Archer]

In some ways, it's kind of like the need to be "right" - and have others agree that you are.

Just not always gonna happen - life goes on.

[Mj12]

Read the article if interested - she does not want to be a victim (nor is she IMO).

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/i-stutter-as-a-result-i-have-been-mocked-insu...

[Sooner]

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@bonnielu wrote:

I feel for her mainly because I did stutter badly ( I just posted about it).  I do feel she was unfairly treated and my heart goes out to her.  I also see the bank as protecting her assets and keeping her safe. They wanted to be sure. In this day and age we seem to be victims of others peoples greed and schemes.

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@bonnielu How was she treated unfairly?  If the bank can't understand what you are saying, what are they supposed to do?  

[Noel7]

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@Isobel Archer wrote:

Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).

She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside.  Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.

Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient.  And I hate that this happened to her.

However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do?  I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.

Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.

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@Isobel Archer

Most likely because the frustration of her problem just got to her.  That happens to people with disabilities.

Why judge her, most likely you haven’t walked a mile in her shoes.

Are we so bored now we are willing to condemn someone struggling?

[Sooner]

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@BirdieGal wrote:

@Isobel Archer

But why should the person with the disability have to be the one to figure out a “go around” or change?

Don’t they have enough to contend with? Why can’t people who should be, have the ability to comprehend and have compassion for another human being be the ones to help facilitate change?

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Because none of us can expect the world to accomodate every problem we have.  People simply aren't equipped to do it.  Do you REALLY expect people who are suddenly faced with this to have the answer when the person who lives with it doesn't have a way to deal with it.

Why didn't she come with note and an id?  Perhaps a printed card saying that she stutters and sometimes can't communicate verbally?    There are ways to be equipped on her side too, and she didn't come with them.  

I'm not downplaying her issues, but she needs to be more proactive and I can't see how any blame falls on the bank when there are simple steps not to put those poor people in the embarassing position of not knowing what to do. 

[Desertdi]

I don't understand why the woman doesn't carry a note pad and write down what she wants to communicate.    I'm sure most bankers, waiters, sales clerks, police..........run into this situation once and a while and are understanding..............

[GraceCO]

Sometimes people are just having a bad day...we've all been there for different reasons. One day, we can cope and the next day, we drive away.

Someone with a disability has more than their fair share of bad days.

[Isobel Archer]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Isobel Archer wrote:

Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).

She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside.  Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.

Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient.  And I hate that this happened to her.

However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do?  I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.

Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.

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@Isobel Archer

Most likely because the frustration of her problem just got to her.  That happens to people with disabilities.

Why judge her, most likely you haven’t walked a mile in her shoes.

Are we so bored now we are willing to condemn someone struggling?

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As I've said - repeatedly - I get that she felt humiliated - and that part does indeed break my heart.

My point - again - is that it doesn't have to be that way - and she can make sure it isn't.

Not blaming or judging her - just saying that you can either succumb to life's unfairness - or you can do something about it.

Would I like to see her magically cured of stuttering?  Of course.  Would I like to see everyone she comes in contact with being kind and patient and encouraging?  Of course again.  But if I were her friend, I'd encourage her to take back her power and stop waiting for either of the above.

[Laura14]

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@Mj12 wrote:

Read the article if interested - she does not want to be a victim (nor is she IMO).

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/i-stutter-as-a-result-i-have-been-mocked-insu...

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@Mj12  Thank you for posting this.

After reading it, I have way less sympathy for her.  For someone who is writing an opinion piece on being unfairly judged, she is extremely judgemental about those of us who do not stutter and what we think about people who do.

I hope one day she'll realize that encountering a stutterer is not a common thing.  She herself mentions 5% of adults don't outgrow it and have it as a disability.  It's not like they are around every corner. 

I actually do have a coworker who is a severe stutterer and I patiently wait when we interact.  I can't think of one other person I know who has someone in their midst daily like that. 

Believing that the rest of us automatically assume the worst of someone who is having trouble speaking during a one off meeting is ridiculous and unkind on her part.

And I find it telling that every single example she gave of people who got short or suspicious of her were mandated by law to protect themselves and her.  A bank teller, a bartender, and a police officer.  Grow up and see the bigger picture.  

I hope she empowers herself like others have suggested and thinks about the position others are in not knowing about her or her disability.  If you want kindess shown towards you, it's more helpful and likely if you go first.        

What's that saying about helping those who help themselves?  

[CrazyDaisy]

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@Mj12 wrote:

Read the article if interested - she does not want to be a victim (nor is she IMO).

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/i-stutter-as-a-result-i-have-been-mocked-insu...

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After reading the article, it seems that she is concerned with the assumption that she is being deceitful because of her speech.  She actually identifies that stuttering and stammering is an indication that a person is lying.  She also points out other indicators which may not be noticed at first, which require further interactions.  Then she becomes offended when a police officer asks her a question or a bar tender asks for ID.  I get her frustration, it has to be hard always proving yourself.  Yet without that additional interaction how are people going to know that it is a speech issue and not something else.