Why do people make life harder than it already is? - Page 3

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@violann wrote:
Live for one day with stuttering, or hearing impairments, or cerebral palsy, or a crossed eye or ACTUALLY ANY CONDITION THAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT/LESS ADVANTAGED than anyone in the mainstream and THEN tell me how much you seek/enjoy being a victim.

Or perhaps MORE painful, AND EVEN LESS ATTENTION SEEKING, IS- be the loved one of someone with a situation that has to be dealt with every waking hour! See how much fun it is to watch you beautiful, dearly loved whatever live with the consequences of their less than perfect lives.

No, no, NO! Unless there is a commitment situation in the affective domain of an individual, people with challenges do NOT seek attention, and DO NOT seek to capitalize on personal circumstances.

I don't think for a minute that she sought to be or enjoyed this situation. She said she was humiliated and I certainly believe her.

I'm just suggesting that she -or her loved ones, also suffering - would benefit from some attempts to empower herself in such situations in future.

And while I cited this situation - having read about it this morning - such empowerment goes well beyond stuttering. I really think people in general would benefit from focusing on how to get what they need rather than on how to insist other people change their behavior.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Yardlie wrote:
@Carmie wrote:
Many of us have some form of handicaps that force us to do things differently than most other people.

if a person stutters so badly, why would they go to a drive up window of any kind? Common sense should have told her that she must go inside. Sometimes it’s impossible to understand each other when there are no speech problems present at the drive through.

Sometimes stutterers can communicate fairly clearly, but things can set them off so that they cannot speak clearly. I had a childhood friend who was a stutterer. She spoke quite well when we played together, but if the teacher called on her in school or if kids bullied her, she would stutter very severely.

Obviously, this lady has gone through the drive-thru previously without problems. We don't know what this poor lady might have faced that upset her and caused her to stutter so badly.

I used to stutter as a child, especially when I was called to read out loud or I got excited. I use to be mocked my many people, even adults. I am happy to say I no longer stutter, so I am aware of the difficulties it can cause.

As I have mentioned on here a lot, I come from a family of seven with one deaf and three severely hearing impaired people. They can not use the drive in either. Sometimes they can hear people’s voices and sometimes not. It depends on the background noise and the pitch of the voice of the person speaking and for my sister who is deaf in only one ear, it depends on what side the person who is speaking to her is one.

Again, common sense.

violann · ‎03-10-2010

@Trinity11-HUGS and hugs and hugs! Please don’t give up!!

software · ‎06-08-2016

@Isobel Archer wrote:
@software wrote:
How is asking her to come inside treating her badly?

I rarely go to the drive in myself but sitting at the ATM I've heard people ask complicated questions at the drive through and they've been asked to come inside.

I feel so sorry for her, she needs better coping skills.

It was the whole sense of humiliation - she didn't think she could do any better saying what she needed inside as she was already so upset.

Another simple fix to this particular situation would have been to simply hand them a check for them to cash along with her ID. Then she probably wouldn't have had to say anything in the first place - and if she did - again she could write a note.

Thank you for your patient reply

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@violann wrote:
@Trinity11-HUGS and hugs and hugs! Please don’t give up!!

Thank you, violann.

BirdieGal · ‎12-20-2015

@Isobel Archer

But why should the person with the disability have to be the one to figure out a “go around” or change?

Don’t they have enough to contend with? Why can’t people who should be, have the ability to comprehend and have compassion for another human being be the ones to help facilitate change?

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@violann wrote:
@Isobel Archer- is “laryngitis” less embarrassing than stuttering? Do you suppose that the stutterer wasn’t aware every time she was obliged to speak that she was a stutterer?

Please google “Annie Glenn” wife of the astronaut. In my opinion, a hero, not someone with laryngitis.

I truly dislike being so “in-your-face” about this, and I don’t want to seem as though I’ve targeted you or other posters, but this is a red flag to my personal bull.

Well I certainly think handing them a note is less embarrassing that struggling - and failing - to communicate orally.

Again you are focusing on what others "should do" in the face of someone who stutters. And I definitely agree with you that people "should" be more patient etc., But what if they aren't - then what - you just give up and wait for the ATM to be fixed?

Or how about this? She tries to say her name, can't and then hands the teller a note that says something like - I have a severe stuttering problem. I wish you would give me the time to complete my name, but since you won't, here it is. I need to make a withdrawal. Plese help me complete this process with a minimum of judgment.

Would that be better? I'm fine with that solution too.

violann · ‎03-10-2010

@ValuSkr wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:

I just think that as many times as she must have experienced situations like this, she could make it so much easier for herself.

How can she make it easier? The hardest thing for many stutterers is to say their own name. It leads to embarrassment after embarrassment - for their whole life. It leaves a wound that doesn't heal. Please try to be more sympathetic.

@ValuSkr- an excellent point. Also, the original post doesn’t indicate that she made ANY extraordinary requests of the staff in the bank, but rather that she left and cried. Was she expected not to cry?

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@ValuSkr wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:

I just think that as many times as she must have experienced situations like this, she could make it so much easier for herself.

How can she make it easier? The hardest thing for many stutterers is to say their own name. It leads to embarrassment after embarrassment - for their whole life. It leaves a wound that doesn't heal. Please try to be more sympathetic.

Yes, she explained that names are the hardest because with other words, you can always find easier synonyms - but obviously with names you can't.

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@violann wrote:
@ValuSkr wrote:
@Isobel Archer wrote:

I just think that as many times as she must have experienced situations like this, she could make it so much easier for herself.

How can she make it easier? The hardest thing for many stutterers is to say their own name. It leads to embarrassment after embarrassment - for their whole life. It leaves a wound that doesn't heal. Please try to be more sympathetic.
@ValuSkr- an excellent point. Also, the original post doesn’t indicate that she made ANY extraordinary requests of the staff in the bank, but rather that she left and cried. Was she expected not to cry?

I think you are missing my point - which is - people don't always HAVE to allow others to judge or victimize them.