Community Chat

[violann]

@Cakers3@mistriTsquirrel- I always get uncomfortable when people divide the world into THEM and US- those stutterers, those psychos, those amputees..........

when I was trained MANY years ago I was taught to say “.....has a dysfluency” and not “.......is a stutterer” out of concern that such labeling could actually make the situation worse.

This woman ACKNOWLEDGES this part of herself while affirming her abilities in other segments of her life. A GOOD THING!

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

This girl wants to be treated like everyone else OK. So do the bank employee's who are not mind readers and deal with all walks of life everyday. The fact that she dehumanized the employees by referring to them as the bank. I saw it here as well. They are doing their job and her stuttering is not their fault. I understand it must be frustrating and over whelming but taking a breath and going inside would have solved the situation and also alerted the staff for future reference.

My DD works in banking and when she was a teller an almost daily visit to her branch were residents of a adult group home and she looked forward to assisting them at the drive up as well as inside the branch. Time was taken with each resident/customer and patience was the key. They looked forward to their group outing because they were treated like everyone else.  Respect works both ways. 

[Sooner]

Like what causes so much hurt and hard feelings in this country, first of all you have to treat others as YOU would like to be treated.  If you don't want people to be short with you, put them in a position where they don't have to be.  I have to wonder what the woman in the original situation expected the people in the bank to do?  Was she putting herself in their shoes?  How would she expect them to respond, what could she have done to prevent the situation?

Sometimes if you go around with a preconceived notion that people will won't treat you right, your attitude or actions can set that whole scene in action.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  To expect loving kindness, show it. 

[suzyQ3]

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@Deanie wrote:

@Carmie  excellent response including your keen observation of other countries. Most of Europe being thousands of years old do not have accommodations for those with special needs. Are they insensitive? Or, are they just practical knowing that destroying a two thousand year old building to accommodate is, shall we say, not right. One can go on and on about someone else's insensitivity, or the inability to know about another's disabilities based on observation or the like, but, it is my conclusion that many in this country are quite sensitive to others needs. Hence the ADA, tolerance of animals in public places and so on. However, as with many things, when the pendulum swings to far to one side or the other, the push back is always extreme to get to the equilibrium point.

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Really, @Deanie? That's very frightening. Someone should forewarn all disabled people in this country then.

[Marienkaefer2]

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@Isobel Archer wrote:

Read a heartbreaking article in this morning's Washington Post written by a woman with a severe stutter (she has tried everything and it is no better).

She describes an incident where she needed to withdraw money from the bank and the ATM was down and she went through the drive through and because she was unable to say her name after many attempts, they asked her to come inside.  Instead, she drove off, stopped and cried.

Now I totally get that all of us need to be more understanding - and patient.  And I hate that this happened to her.

However, why not just go through the drive through - or inside - and hand them a note saying you have laryingitis and cannot speak and - this is who I am (ID) and this is what I want to do?  I know that's "letting them off the hook" in the compassion department, but it's also getting you what you need with a minimum of heartache.

Sometimes it just seems to me that we can be so intent on insisting other people change, that we fail to see what can sometimes be simple work arounds.

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Here's a possible reason why:  

Because when someone has a disability that causes them embarrassment and pain, they can be extremely sensitive to that.

Personally, I have an issue which isn't a disability, but it is a noticeable flaw physically.  It's not something that interferes with how I live my life, and many people have told me that they don't notice it.

But I notice it, and there have been a lot of rude people that I've met who have noticed it and made fun of it.

As such, I am very sensitive to this.  It may seem silly to some people,  but it's not silly to me.

So, I can empathize with this woman, because stutterers can suffer immensely from the cruelty of others. 

 
You may say scoff and not understand, but that's you.  We don't all react or handle things the same way.  Maybe you are better than most.  Maybe you could show empathy, then, too.  

[Marienkaefer2]

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@suzyQ3 wrote:

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@Deanie wrote:

@Carmie  excellent response including your keen observation of other countries. Most of Europe being thousands of years old do not have accommodations for those with special needs. Are they insensitive? Or, are they just practical knowing that destroying a two thousand year old building to accommodate is, shall we say, not right. One can go on and on about someone else's insensitivity, or the inability to know about another's disabilities based on observation or the like, but, it is my conclusion that many in this country are quite sensitive to others needs. Hence the ADA, tolerance of animals in public places and so on. However, as with many things, when the pendulum swings to far to one side or the other, the push back is always extreme to get to the equilibrium point.

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Really, @Deanie? That's very frightening. Someone should forewarn all disabled people in this country then.

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Seriously, the ADA ????

Remember that the next time you are walking into the post office carrying a couple of heavy packages, and you reach to push the button to automatically open the door.

Or the next time you take a ramp to an entrace because it's easier than hefting the stroller up steps.

The ADA has made public access to buildings, etc much easier not only for disabled people, but everyone else, as well.

[Marienkaefer2]

My question would be:

Where has empathy gone? 

[Noel7]

WW2: Nazis also had the disabled eliminated.

At the same time, America had a disabled president who led us to victory.

[glb613]

When I was working, I saw people making their lives harder for themselves everday.  Making terrible decisions and choices were the usual causes.  This woman could have gone into the bank to do her business and I bet there would have been a much better outcome.  When a person has a speech impediment, it's much easier to understand them when speaking in person or face to face.  Saying this doesn't mean I have no compassion.  I'm sure she has struggled with her stutter all of her life.  But making good choices usually leads to good outcomes. 

[MickD]

I just chalk it up to the lady had a bad day.  Everyone does.  The teller couldn't understand her - on a good day those speaker systems are a mess.

My mentor and professor in grad school had/has a stutter.  She was such a great role model in how she carried herself.  She taught us how to develop our professional selves - quirks and all.

One day during lecture, she was just off-kilter and could not get the words out.  She said - oh forget it, you all can read it off the screen.  That's the way life is - good days and bad.

 Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and a step back and not jump to conclusions.  It would be a different story if this was a pattern.