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Honored Contributor
Posts: 54,067
Registered: ‎03-29-2012

Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

Why kids today are out of shape, disrespectful – and in charge

 
 
 
 

 

 

For example, it’s common now in this country to find parents who are chauffeuring their 8-year-old or 12-year-old around to various schools, among families that are choosing a school, and the parent functions as educational consultant. The parent makes a recommendation, but the child makes the final decision. I know of cases where the kid was clearly making the wrong decision and the parents knew it but nevertheless felt completely powerless to overrule their child. The child is the one who suffers.

 

 

AP: What are some other examples?

 

 

Sax: The same is true with regard to a cellphone in the bedroom. You now find kids at 10, 12, 14, 16 years of age who have their phone in their bedroom at two (o’clock) in the morning. You take the device at night and you put it in the charger, which stays in the parents’ bedroom. No child should have a phone in their bedroom unsupervised.

 

 

That’s not just my opinion. That is the official teaching of the American Academy of Pediatrics in guidelines published (in) October 2013. But you would be astonished, or maybe you wouldn’t be, how many parents find that an impossible recommendation. They feel that they have no authority over their child in many domains.

 

 

AP: You refer to the value of family dinner.

 

 

Sax: Research shows having a family meal at home without distractions is important. Every day. Not doing that indicates that time spent at home with parents is the least important priority. It doesn’t matter. It can be overlooked and forgotten.

 

 

By communicating that time at home as a family is our highest priority, you are sending the message that family matters. So many kids are in the race to nowhere, trying to add things on to their resume through extracurricular activities with no sense of why. They just burn out at 15 years of age.

 

 

 

AP: What about time spent in the car?

 

 

Sax: No earbuds in the car. You commonly have this and kids are not engaging with their parents. Everybody’s in a rush. That time in the car is precious. The time in the car is for you to listen to your child and your child to listen to you.

My 9-year-old daughter and I know the lyrics to almost every song from “Mary Poppins.”

 

 

AP: What types of things can parents do to help a child or teen become a fulfilled adult?

 

 

Sax: The first thing is to teach humility, which is now the most un-American of virtues. When I meet with kids I ask them what they think it is and they literally have no idea. I’ve done that from third grade through 12th grade. The high school kids are more clueless than the third-graders.

 

 

They have been indoctrinated in their own awesomeness with no understanding of how this culture of bloated self-esteem leads to resentment. I see it. I see the girl who was told how amazing she was who is now resentful at age 25 because she’s working in a cubicle for a low wage and she’s written two novels and she can’t get an agent.

The second thing is to enjoy the time with your child. Don’t multitask. Get outdoors with your child.

 

 

The last thing: Teach the meaning of life. It cannot be just about getting a good job. It’s not just about achievement. It’s about who you are as a human being. You must have an answer.

 
 
What do you think about his observations/suggestions?
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,120
Registered: ‎04-17-2015

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

Yes, I agree, but I don't think you need to be an M.D./Ph.D. to figure these things out.  :-)

 

You can be sure no child of mine would ever say "Shut up" to me.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,570
Registered: ‎06-13-2012

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge


@SaRina wrote:

Yes, I agree, but I don't think you need to be an M.D./Ph.D. to figure these things out.  :-)

 

You can be sure no child of mine would ever say "Shut up" to me.  


So true! I think it is pretty obvious.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 890
Registered: ‎01-06-2013

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

I think Dr. Sax is spot on. Too many parents can not, or will not tell their children, "NO."Telling a child 'no' may not feel right for the moment, but in the long run, kids need to hear it. I grew up thinking I had the meanest mom on the block; now I know why she did the things she did. (As I get older, my mom gets smarter???)

Valued Contributor
Posts: 773
Registered: ‎05-08-2015

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

Every generation complains about "kids these days".  I see nothing wrong with kids these days, in general.  Most everyone I know has kind, respectful and motivated children.  Occasionally they act up, but that's why they are kids.

You have sacrificed nothing and no one.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,789
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge


@Maudelynn wrote:

Every generation complains about "kids these days".  I see nothing wrong with kids these days, in general.  Most everyone I know has kind, respectful and motivated children.  Occasionally they act up, but that's why they are kids.


 

 

i totally agree with you @Maudelynn.

it was all there BEFORE...we just SEE a lot more of it because of technology.

**********************************************
"I would prefer even to to fail with honor than win by cheating." - Sophocles
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,596
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

No matter what generation of kids no child should ever say "shut up" to a parent. Any parent that let,s that go is a lazy parent. They just don't want to deal with it but they do a disservice to their child. Society ( as in bosses) won't put up with that.

Wrong is still wrong just because you benefited from it.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,818
Registered: ‎08-08-2010

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

I agree that every generation complains about the younger one coming up, but there is an epidemic of useless, lazy, rude, and down right dangerous (to society and themselves) 'kids' today.

 

I know of no other parent while we were raising our son, that was as demanding and expecting as I was about behavior. And it started when he was able to start walking. 

 

It is exhausting making sure that kids behavior, manners, school work, sportsmanship, values, etc. are being taught, monitored, corrected and maintained. At certain times in many kids's lives, it is a brutal battle, and today's parents (and really many in my generation) will not invest the work, and make the sacrifices that are necessary to get the job done right. Raising kids, while fun, rewarding, endearing and many other wonderful things is a full time job. 

 

Parents lately, are consumed with their own careers, their social lives, their failed (repeatedly) relationships, divorce, their technology, etc. They feel guilty about the time all this takes away from their child, and they try to make up for it by being a 'friend' and not a parent. When you are raising a child you are their best friend, only when you are a parent first, with high expectations, and you enforce what it takes to have those expectations met. You aren't meant to be what we consider traditionally 'their best friend' until they become responsible adults. Then and only then, does the relationship change.

 

Parents in the last generation or so are also burdening their children with the adult world too early. We need to teach our children about money and finance, but they don't need to be privy to or participants in the financial decisions of the adults in the family.

 

They need to be taught how to make good decision, but they don't decide the things that should be reserved for adults in the family context. They learn more by watching us make good decisions, than by letting them decide what the family does, has, goes, eats, etc.

 

Kids are lazy, unproductive, rude etc. because of their parents, as a general rule. They mimic the behavior and patterns they see their parents exhibit, and/or the parents don't take the time/effort to teach/monitor/correct the behaviors and actions. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 773
Registered: ‎05-08-2015

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge


@mominohio wrote:

I agree that every generation complains about the younger one coming up, but there is an epidemic of useless, lazy, rude, and down right dangerous (to society and themselves) 'kids' today.

 

I know of no other parent while we were raising our son, that was as demanding and expecting as I was about behavior. And it started when he was able to start walking. 

 

It is exhausting making sure that kids behavior, manners, school work, sportsmanship, values, etc. are being taught, monitored, corrected and maintained. At certain times in many kids's lives, it is a brutal battle, and today's parents (and really many in my generation) will not invest the work, and make the sacrifices that are necessary to get the job done right. Raising kids, while fun, rewarding, endearing and many other wonderful things is a full time job. 

 

Parents lately, are consumed with their own careers, their social lives, their failed (repeatedly) relationships, divorce, their technology, etc. They feel guilty about the time all this takes away from their child, and they try to make up for it by being a 'friend' and not a parent. When you are raising a child you are their best friend, only when you are a parent first, with high expectations, and you enforce what it takes to have those expectations met. You aren't meant to be what we consider traditionally 'their best friend' until they become responsible adults. Then and only then, does the relationship change.

 

Parents in the last generation or so are also burdening their children with the adult world too early. We need to teach our children about money and finance, but they don't need to be privy to or participants in the financial decisions of the adults in the family.

 

They need to be taught how to make good decision, but they don't decide the things that should be reserved for adults in the family context. They learn more by watching us make good decisions, than by letting them decide what the family does, has, goes, eats, etc.

 

Kids are lazy, unproductive, rude etc. because of their parents, as a general rule. They mimic the behavior and patterns they see their parents exhibit, and/or the parents don't take the time/effort to teach/monitor/correct the behaviors and actions. 


Fortunately, I'm not seeing an epidemic in my corner of the world.  Rude, lazy, disrespectful kids are the definite minority among my friends, relatives and co-workers. 

You have sacrificed nothing and no one.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,572
Registered: ‎01-09-2011

Re: Why Kids Today Are Out of Shape, Disrespectful –And In Charge

Blame lousy parenting.

 

Ever been shopping when the kid never shuts up and the parent says nothing?

 

Been to the restaurant where the kid is screaming and the parents do nothing?

 

Been in church with the parent who doesn't leave with the crying baby?

 

Ever seen the parent who is trying to "reason" with a 3 year old?

 

Who is in charge here? it starts early and by the time they are 6, it's too late.

 

Rude parent=rude kid.

 

I jokingly say I have seen the future and I am not happy about it! All that entitlement.....and so it continues!

"Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral." -Garfield