Why Is This - Page 2

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.
Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

So you're witnessing this now? And what are you doing to stop it?

Bad things happen when good people do nothing. Speak up and tell him to leave her alone.

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sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

blackhole99 wrote:
If her employer would not believe her complaint of unwanted advances, she should leave that job. If the man continues to bother her outside of the work place she should go to the police and file a complaint and get some kind of protection order against him.

not to mention if he is bother more than one woman as the OP said, then it really should be reported to human resources or the manager or the owner of the company......and any witnesses, including the OP, should be willing to speak up and be witnessses.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.
Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

What usually works best in these situations is to immediately diffuse the conversation and make it clear there is no interest in what this man has to say.

When you say slander and bullying, why hasn't this person gone to HR? I highly doubt that they are not aware of his behavior. Be proactive and refuse to witness something without actually doing something about it. Boundaries need to be set and clearly they haven't yet, otherwise he would let up.

If this person continues to witness this kind of behavior throughout their lifetime, then a strong message needs to be sent to the perp.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

While I was still working and in my mid-forties, a client of the firm (a VIP one) kept asking me to go out for a drink. My boss insisted he was harmless and kept encouraging me to go out with him "just this once."

So I did. We met in an upscale local hotel/restaurant. Within 15 minutes of sitting at the bar, he asked me if I liked "OS." I said no emphatically and left. I was so glad I had insisted on separate cars.

I told my boss about it and he didn't believe me, he said I must have "misunderstood." I think he was afraid I would do something and this was one of their largest, if not the largest client. I didn't do anything about it and I should have.

Other things happened to me there also, but I always fended them off. When I think back, I think I was a fool not to follow these things up. But I had four kids to support and it was a good job otherwise.

I worked there for 24 years and retired at 66.

I have to say at each instance, including the client, once I said my piece, they never bothered me again.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

If I were in this situation, whenever he was near me, I'd take my phone out and press record and tell him I was recording him. This should stop him in his tracks. If not, it's evidence for HR.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

@Preds @ChynnaBlue Preds you hit the nail on the head. He must be nutcakes in many ways. Also the HR gal was let go due to cuts and this guy has the management snowed. I relayed my complaints about this guy but had them just brushed away. Others have also let our supervisors know about this guy. It's like they don't want to rock the boat and he just gets away with this stuff. Won't be long before another female will be victimized. I know that at one point he won't get away with this stuff and feathers will fly. Trouble is, folks go after deep pockets and the whole institution is then at fault when actually it is the supervisors who do nothing.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust

ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

@reiki604 wrote:
If I were in this situation, whenever he was near me, I'd take my phone out and press record and tell him I was recording him. This should stop him in his tracks. If not, it's evidence for HR.

Check your local laws before you do this, please! It's illegal in some places unless the person you are recording gives consent. That means that even if you record him harassing someone, you could be let go or even fined or jailed for it in some states.

If it IS illegal, then I would keep a written log of incidents to share with management or HR.

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ChynnaBlue · ‎05-22-2012

Years ago I was being harassed by a guy at work. I went to my manager and told him what was happening and told him that I was going to talk to the guy myself, but I wanted my manager to know in case a) the guy didn't comply with my request to stop and b) if it had been an issue with other women. I didn't want to keep it to myself if other women had also had issues. Then I scheduled a conference with the guy doing it and told him to stop. I said that if he continued, I would take the issue to management and HR. He apologized and wasn't a problem again.

Men like that are generally cowards and if people call them on their behavior, they usually stop or at least move on to someone else. If he's harassing multiple people, the women could band together and talk to him individually, then talk to HR and report it as a group. They can ignore one of you, but will have a harder time ignoring the issue if you bring it up as a group.

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ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

if it were me and my management wouldn't do anything about it i would have my husband have a little talk with him. i don't mean a physical thing, but i agree, he is a coward, too. dh being involved would really scare the bejessus out of him.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Puzzle Piece wrote:
There's a young senior man who is bullying and slandering an attractive middle aged female. Why? Because he wants her and can't have her. She's married and content with her situation. He's married (second go-around) and quite a philanderer with many affairs to his name. He likes to openly admit his conquests. Why do males have to resort to slandering, maligning, and lashing out at someone they can't ever have. This guy is past his prime and knows there isn't anything he can do without a blue pill. Why should females suffer their twiisted delusions and nonsense. He says things to her and one or two others when no one is around so he would claim it's all here-say if he was called in to the bosses office. She has never given him reason to think she's available or interested. To me, it's something I've witnessed throughout the years since puberty many years ago.
Okay all you psych majors and behavioral scientists, lets have your takes.

I don't know what a "young senior man" is, but usually threatening to go to management is an effective deterrent.

A grown woman should be able to communicate her thoughts clearly, without having to involve a husband or boyfriend. JMO