Reply
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)

Why should we waste time on this? I pass.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,916
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)

For me, doing anything enjoyable or interesting is the best use of my time.  

 

I like these sorts of threads, weighing pros and cons. I also like the, what should I do, threads that allow us to play Dear Abbey. The rant threads are good too, nothing pleases like outrage told with a bit of humor.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,708
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)


@libbyannE wrote:

Why should we waste time on this? I pass.


Uh, no you didn't.  A pass would have been to decide that responding to the thread was a "waste of time" and then closing the thread without comment.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Are you setting an example or being an example?
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)


@Cumbercookie13 wrote:

Both of them are wrong. The bridesmaid for not telling her friend in a PRIVATE conversation that she had to back out of because of school, and the bride for not checking to make sure her wedding party had other things going that may mean they can't participate. And the bride should have not asked her to return her jumpsuit - she could have just let things slide with one less bridesmaid instead of getting a replacement, unless it was planned for each bridesmaid to have a groomsmen with her to look equal on both sides. 

 

JetBlue probably would have refunded the ticket without the drama going to social media, but that's how a lot of people feel they can get things resolved quickly not realizing how it will affect other people. 


 

The bride is basically refunding the cost of the jumpsuit (as well as paying postage), and that's good.  Otherwise, for sure the bridesmaid would be complaining about being stuck with a jumpsuit she doesn't want and had to pay for.  This way she's not out any money. I don't see that as a strike against the bride at all.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,195
Registered: ‎09-06-2011

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)

     I think both are immature and wrong.   The bridesmaid should have been honest with the bride and either not accept or withdraw if she couldn’t be there the whole wedding day.  Her worst transgression was going public in my opinion.  I think she did that because she was hurt and this basically ended the friendship.

     I feel the bride  behaved worse.  Yes, it is her wedding and she made financial restitution for the dress. But... this was a close friend and not the maid of honor. I’m sure she had plenty of other bridesmaids to attend to her . This would have been a nice memory  and special bond for them especially since they live far apart.  To take an honor away is very hurtful.  She should have only considered  women who lived nearby and had adaptable schedules. But the worst transgression in my opinion is doing it by text.

it reminds me of the Sex and the City episode where a guy breaks up with Carrie on a post it.  

     Difficult decisions in life need to be dealt with in person or on the telephone to a live person.

     

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,916
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)

@lrmuffin It was an email not a text and, in this situation, a better choice than a call because the bride needed to word it thoughtfully and avoid getting into an emotional discussion where either party, or both, may say something they would come to regret.

 

Also to be considered and, hasn't been, is the groomsman who was partnered with this bridesmaid. Is it fair to him to be abandoned, left without a partner, for most of the event?

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,934
Registered: ‎05-06-2016

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)


@NYC Susan wrote:

@Cumbercookie13 wrote:

Both of them are wrong. The bridesmaid for not telling her friend in a PRIVATE conversation that she had to back out of because of school, and the bride for not checking to make sure her wedding party had other things going that may mean they can't participate. And the bride should have not asked her to return her jumpsuit - she could have just let things slide with one less bridesmaid instead of getting a replacement, unless it was planned for each bridesmaid to have a groomsmen with her to look equal on both sides. 

 

JetBlue probably would have refunded the ticket without the drama going to social media, but that's how a lot of people feel they can get things resolved quickly not realizing how it will affect other people. 


 

The bride is basically refunding the cost of the jumpsuit (as well as paying postage), and that's good.  Otherwise, for sure the bridesmaid would be complaining about being stuck with a jumpsuit she doesn't want and had to pay for.  This way she's not out any money. I don't see that as a strike against the bride at all.


I missed that part! That is good. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)


@Cumbercookie13 wrote:

@NYC Susan wrote:

@Cumbercookie13 wrote:

Both of them are wrong. The bridesmaid for not telling her friend in a PRIVATE conversation that she had to back out of because of school, and the bride for not checking to make sure her wedding party had other things going that may mean they can't participate. And the bride should have not asked her to return her jumpsuit - she could have just let things slide with one less bridesmaid instead of getting a replacement, unless it was planned for each bridesmaid to have a groomsmen with her to look equal on both sides. 

 

JetBlue probably would have refunded the ticket without the drama going to social media, but that's how a lot of people feel they can get things resolved quickly not realizing how it will affect other people. 


 

The bride is basically refunding the cost of the jumpsuit (as well as paying postage), and that's good.  Otherwise, for sure the bridesmaid would be complaining about being stuck with a jumpsuit she doesn't want and had to pay for.  This way she's not out any money. I don't see that as a strike against the bride at all.


I missed that part! That is good. 


 

This story had a lot of details that were easy to miss!  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)


@occasionalrain wrote:

@lrmuffin It was an email not a text and, in this situation, a better choice than a call because the bride needed to word it thoughtfully and avoid getting into an emotional discussion where either party, or both, may say something they would come to regret.

 

Also to be considered and, hasn't been, is the groomsman who was partnered with this bridesmaid. Is it fair to him to be abandoned, left without a partner, for most of the event?


 

I agree (yes, I'm agreeing with you again!) that an email was best in this situation.  It does sound as though the bride did word it very carefully, and it's easier for both sender and recipient when a subject is touchy.  Also, the bridesmaid is apparently very busy, and this was not a conversation that should have taken place in a hurry or waited until a time that was convenient for her.

 

It's the bridesmaid who blasted this whole thing on twitter.  All the bride did was send a private email, which apparently the bridesmaid decided to share with the world (if I'm understanding this correctly).  As far as communication goes, the bride seems to be the only one with any reasonable communication skils at all.

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,130
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Who do you think is right? (Bridesmaid fired story)

It seems the bridesmaid was going to be out the money for the flight (that she wouldn't be taking, after the "honor" was rescinded).  That seems to be why she tweeted (or whatever) JetBlue and how the whole thing went viral.

 

I might've contacted the airline privately, but perhaps in the heat of the moment, she did the first thing that occurred to her.

 

Kudos to JetBlue for refunding her airfare (which they didn't need to do).  As for the rest, I simply don't think an email was a good way for the bride to tell her "friend" to relinquish her place in wedding and to send the jumpsuit so someone else could wear it!  A phonecall might've resolved things more amicably with fewer hurt feelings.

 

So glad I kept my wedding very small and private!