Community Chat

[iceRedfire]

My heart goes out to you @house_cat.❤️

[boyzs]

@house_cat, hello, i was so sorry to read about your father's passing. please accept my sincerest sympathy to you & your family. i am now reading everything that you have been & are still going through with your mom.

i'm so sorry that your mom is suffering & going through so much

pain & such a rough time. however with the medication they have her on, i'm sure her pain level is considerably reduced.

my real concern is for you, i know you have a lot on your plate to begin with, so the passing of your dad only added on more, and now with the illness & fall that your mother took, i worry about you & how you are holding up.

i know they say that "g-d only gives us as much as we can handle", but how much does he think we can handle?  just the fact that you moved into your mom's apt. seems overwhelming in itself to me!

then you have the day to day activities, & the doctors, tests, radiologists, etc., it just never ends. it's such a burden, & yet we

hate to use that word, because we're referring to our parent.

however, it is what it is. and it's very hard, & it takes a lot out of you. and as much as you love your mom, you're 're still only human, & can do but so much. you still have have yourself to deal with along with your family & job & you really need to think about that.

most importantly, you need to think about you!  i wish your mom a complete & successful recovery. i admire you for being such a dedicated & devoted daughter. and although it might not seem like the right time, i still want to wish you & your family a blessed easter. i realize i don't know you, @house_cat, but from your postings, & from starting the game, "ok, lets try a silly little food game", you just seem like a really, nice, low keyed, patient, generous, giving, kind hearted person.

i'm glad you were able to return home, & i hope you can remain there. i wish you the very best of outcomes for you, & your mom, & with your family. i think you're a beautiful person with a very giving heart. wishing you all the best, & with out any stress, take care.

[ladyroxanne]

@house_cat

wishing you a blessed easter and hoping that your mother is doing a little bit better.  i have been following your posts and my heart breaks for you.  wishing all good things in the future.

[house_cat]

Wow! You are all so sweet and your kind words could not have come at a better time. It was a very rought day today.  I was with her two hours this morning and when I left I was sure she was on death's door.  DH went back in the afternoon and called to say things were very different.  She recognized him and was speaking more lucidly that she had been all week.  The problem is that she didn't remember that my dad had passed so she kept asking where he was and why he wasn't there.  I told her that he was in a good place and that he was happy.  Eventually it came back to her and it was like she had just heard the news for the first time.. and that happened several more times throughout the evening.  It's absolutely heart breaking.  I don't know what to think right now and the hardest part of it all is that I have no idea whether or not we are doing the right thing for her.  My heart breaks every time I walk out the door and leave her there, but I have a life and a job and lots of things to deal with.  What I reallly need right now is a clone.

[gidgetgh]

@house_cat- I've been ill this week and have just been skimming the posts and didn't look at this one until last night.  I thought it was another regular "where is this or that poster" thread.

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's problems, her fall and surgery.  I'm so sorry that she's had to go through all of this and for the stress it puts on you and your husband as the caregivers.

I'm glad she was a little better mentally yesterday.  My husband (just turned 73) had surgery for colon cancer last year and the anesthesia from the surgery made him whack a doodle for a few days.  I brought in a home health care sitter to sit in his room his first night out of intensive care.  I had to go home and get some rest, but he was having none of the "stay in bed and call for the nurse if you need her" thing.

Sending my best wishes to your mom and will keep you in my thoughts.  Being a caregiver is really hard physically and emotionally and very stressful.  My best to you.

[inmemoryofmylittlesis]

((((((HUGS)))))) @house_cat.❤️

[Bird mama]

@house_cat

How is Mom doing Karen?

[house_cat]

The ladies (and gents) on this board are so kind and caring.

Thank you for thinking of me.

Here's the update I posted this morning on the AMS thread -

wishing you all a lovely weekend:

I'm hoping that at some point my life will settle down enough for me to get back on the boards regularly.  Things were already busy, taking care of my two oldsters, when Dad took ill on Jan 29th, was hospitalized and passed away. I moved in with Mom, but wasn't able to keep her from falling and breaking her femur on March 20th - soooo, back to the hospital for surgery, then the convalescent home for the last three weeks.  She was so frail that the doctors were preparing us for what they thought was inevitable, but she rallied and she's up walking with a walker.  We found an assisted living residence that we like, close to my home, which means moving her from her current apartment.. so we are once again packing boxes. The trick has been to do all this while visiting her for several hours a day and working, too.  

The convalescent home is a very, very depressing place and she has been absolutely miserable there, so we have spent as much time with her as possible, trying to keep her spirits up. She's lost so much weight - she's 80 lbs at the moment.  It's hard to keep her positive and motivated to eat and get stronger.

My dh is the one keeping me afloat. He is there with her every day - all the doctors and nurses know him and he's pretty much the "go to" guy when it comes to her care.  If it wasn't for him, she'd be there for at least another week, but he literally followed the doctors and nurses around with the paperwork to make things happen more quickly.  

I took the day off yesterday to pack her apartment - just those things she'll need in an assisted living facility, but we still have the daunting task of packing up her 2 bedroom apartment and all that goes with that.

Anyway, I know this is a looooong update, but so much has been going on.  I go to the nursing home straight from work and don't get home until 7 or 8 pm, then I have to feed us and do all the things necessary to keeping us alive.

We are praying that she is content in her new residence and that it will give us a little breathing room to get our lives back together.

[momtochloe]

---

@house_cat wrote:

Wow! You are all so sweet and your kind words could not have come at a better time. It was a very rought day today.  I was with her two hours this morning and when I left I was sure she was on death's door.  DH went back in the afternoon and called to say things were very different.  She recognized him and was speaking more lucidly that she had been all week.  The problem is that she didn't remember that my dad had passed so she kept asking where he was and why he wasn't there.  I told her that he was in a good place and that he was happy.  Eventually it came back to her and it was like she had just heard the news for the first time.. and that happened several more times throughout the evening.  It's absolutely heart breaking.  I don't know what to think right now and the hardest part of it all is that I have no idea whether or not we are doing the right thing for her.  My heart breaks every time I walk out the door and leave her there, but I have a life and a job and lots of things to deal with.  What I reallly need right now is a clone.

---

@house_cat please know all that you and your husband are doing is absolutely the right thing to do for your family and your situation.  I know it can be overwhelming when you are making decisions that you couldn't see coming or could not have been fully prepared for and it's easy to second guess them but please do not do that to yourself.

You have been and are now doing a great job for your mom (and your dad too before he passed).  You have been under a lot of pressure for a long time and you must be exhausted.  It is so very hard to watch our parents not enjoy life as they had at one time and would move heaven and earth to help them gain even the smallest step forward but if/when that does not happen please do not place that blame on your shoulders because sometimes as hard as we work we can't change what will be.

Again house_cat you have done a wonderful job helping your parents throughout the years.  So many of us that have walked that path see this and send you sincere good thoughts and prayers.  

Take good care my friend!

((((((house_cat)))))))

[boyzs]

dear @house_cat i'm so sorry to hear that your're still going through rough times with your mom. however i'm glad that at least you have your dear husband to lean on & help you out. trust me, you are the very last person on earth to have any guilty feelings regarding your mom, after everything you have done & continue to do for her.

you & your husband are angels sent from g-d, & sooner rather then later, i hope your mom will settle in & things will once again reset themselves back to normal for you & your family, & you can all enjoy your family time together.

i so admire & at the same time feel for what you are both going through. when family members become caretakers, it disrupts the

entire family routine & schedule.

i do hope everything will resolve itself shortly, & wish all of you my very best always. you are truly an amazing, loving, caring & very devoted daughter. please always remember that's it important to take care of yourself 1st, because if your not well, you won't be any good to anyone else. be well & take care.