Community Chat

[Stormygirl]

@ Kachina I will try to make a long story as short as possible I was one of 11 children born to a Mentally ill mother and absent father. We were all put in the foster system after Mum had a breakdown and my sister was found in a spinning dryer. Back then they didn't vet foster parents very well and 1 of my brothers was murdered by his foster parents. I was abused by mine. When we aged out of foster system they put us all on the street. My brother became a prostitute to support himself and 5 out of 11 of my siblings committed suicide. I saw some of the devastation and decided I had to break the cycle. There were no massive safety nets either so nothing like survival mode to push a strong person to make better decisions so I joined the Army. I took advantage of every program, every opportunity to better myself. The rigid structure the Military offered me was what I needed and what I was missing at home. I spent some years homeless, I have felt starvation and despair but at no time was having a baby on my radar. I made some bad choices at times with relationships but I knew I had some drive. I sometimes wonder if I would have achieved half as much if back then there was so many safety nets and programs that can foster irresponsibility and dependancy??. I I don't recommend it but when one is starving and homeless it creates a drive to get out of a situation and have no babies one cannot feed.. At times I don't think I am strong now as after all those years of determination I am now wheelchair bound. If people only knew how dysfunctional homes with abuse, absent parents mentally affect the development of children. Sometimes anger was the driver...........sometimes starvation and being cold...ok that is the short version. (Hugs)

[handygal2]

I think the day is not too far off when hospitals will need to have metal detectors at their doors.  

[Spurt]

---

@Stormygirl wrote:
@ Kachina I will try to make a long story as short as possible I was one of 11 children born to a Mentally ill mother and absent father. We were all put in the foster system after Mum had a breakdown and my sister was found in a spinning dryer. Back then they didn't vet foster parents very well and 1 of my brothers was murdered by his foster parents. I was abused by mine. When we aged out of foster system they put us all on the street. My brother became a prostitute to support himself and 5 out of 11 of my siblings committed suicide. I saw some of the devastation and decided I had to break the cycle. There were no massive safety nets either so nothing like survival mode to push a strong person to make better decisions so I joined the Army. I took advantage of every program, every opportunity to better myself. The rigid structure the Military offered me was what I needed and what I was missing at home. I spent some years homeless, I have felt starvation and despair but at no time was having a baby on my radar. I made some bad choices at times with relationships but I knew I had some drive. I sometimes wonder if I would have achieved half as much if back then there was so many safety nets and programs that can foster irresponsibility. I I don't recommend it but when one is starving and homeless it creates a drive to get out of a situation and have no babies one cannot feed.. At times I don't think I am strong now as after all those years of determination I am now wheelchair bound. If people only knew how dysfunctional homes with abuse, absent parents mentally affect the development of children. Sometimes anger was the driver...........sometimes starvation and being cold...ok that is the short version. (Hugs)

---

@Stormygirl

So sorry to hear what you and your siblings went through.  I admire your courage, perseverance and determination. God Bless You!

I have a friend that worked in Child Protective Services for many years and today there maybe so called safety nets but it's still an ineffective agency where so many kids fall through the cracks with understaffed/overworked CPS Workers who can't give their full attention to the kids.....My friend told me so many horror stories where kids aged out of the system and ended up on the streets.  There are some positives---- kids can now go through a tranisition program before they age out, they have the opportunity to go to college etc, but sadly because the past history of abuse they don't take advantage of the opportunities....Even with today's screenings  my friend had to pull one of the kids out of an abusive foster parent home.......this one had a happy ending because she ended up being adopted by a loving family---although the poor child experiences seizures because the biological parents abused her (threw her against walls and physically abused her)......another happy story was young man who ended up being adopted by his foster parents, he graduated from college and his future looks good....but sadly these stories are rare from her experience....and we continue to see tragedies on our local news where foster kids are starved to death, meanwhile in another room people were celebrating Christmas!!!!---The inhumanity!!!   

[Spurt]

---

@Kachina624 wrote:

---

@Stormygirl wrote:

Sad indication of the present condition of humanity. I have to question why some of these young girls so willingly open thier wombs to criminals and thugs..so I asked a few young girls who are now "single mothers" of babies with "thug fathers" They once had a promising future, free college and are now of course on all the social safety nets because having a job, being able to afford a baby is not even on thier minds these days. Personal responsibility is out the window with both the boys and girls in these situations.They said no lie "I thought he would love me if I had his baby and that having a baby would change him" REALLY? We are indeed heading for either extinction or financial ruination. I refused to have a baby being poor and homeless and by the time I could afford it without being on welfare I couldnt do it physically. There is no future for kids in these situation (I was one of them) and a hard life for them. I dont know how I survived living under a bridge but I got my education without the help of the tax payers and alot of hard work.

---

@Stormygirl  It sounds as though your achievements were amazing.  You should be commended.  I wonder why a person like you is so motivated and others from a similar background just sort of drift aimlessly through life?  Do you have a career now?

---

@Kachina624 

It's sad about the mindset of some of these kids that just repeat the cycle .....my friend that worked for CPS took the time to counsel these teenagers as did loving foster parents.....but for some it did no good---many would just runaway to the streets.....they seem to live for the moment and not think about the future---sad

And RESPONSIBILITY is a non-existent word on so many levels in our society today....

[Stormygirl]

@Spurt..Thank You soooo much for your writing. So very true...so many of us fall through the cracks of a failed system. Then I see some who dont really need the system getting so much help. ....and Oh yes I still have the memories of envying the kid down the street celebrating Christmas and getting so much joy and attention. I think that created anger as a child. I still remember the feelings of that inner angry child. I think I could have gone easily the other way......to being drug addicted to a criminal from that anger. As kids I didnt understand the situation and the abuse. Turned out my fosters were only after the "check" and when I was 18 it was bye bye. I couldnt understand why they didnt do the same to thier own kids? Thanks you shed some light on the system that would have taken a page for me to even try to explain.I think I only purservered by luck and some higher energy (Hugs)

[Spurt]

---

@Stormygirl wrote:

@Spurt..Thank You soooo much for your writing. So very true...so many of us fall through the cracks of a failed system. Then I see some who dont really need the system getting so much help. ....and Oh yes I still have the memories of envying the kid down the street celebrating Christmas and getting so much joy and attention. I think that created anger as a child. I still remember the feelings of that inner angry child. I think I could have gone easily the other way......to being drug addicted to a criminal from that anger. As kids I didnt understand the situation and the abuse. Turned out my fosters were only after the "check" and when I was 18 it was bye bye. I couldnt understand why they didnt do the same to thier own kids? Thanks you shed some light on the system that would have taken a page for me to even try to explain.I think I only purservered by luck and some higher energy (Hugs)

---

@Stormygirl

From what my friend told me she saw the built up anger with the kids....my friend worked with a lot of teenagers and she'd get a call in the middle of the night that one of the girls that had been placed in a Children's Shelter had gotten into a fight with another girl....so she had to move the girl to another shelter ..... and another shelter and another shelter.....and these kids used to runaway a lot from the shelters too....the police would find them and call her to pick them up......The troubled kids got little counseling and therefore, little help.....

Even after they aged out of the system they would call my sister....and since she no longer worked for CPS she would refer them to a Church Program that offered some help (she said some of these programs did a better job than "the system")......and some of them already had kids of their own......she told them she would be obligated to turn them in to CPS for the sake of the babies unless they got help....and she followed up on them....

Take Care---(A BIG HUG to you! )

[Stormygirl]

@Spurt You touched on alot of truths...and cycles tend to repeat themselves. The memories and experiences shaped me in some ways and my relationships with humans. My secret I will tell you I was afraid to say.....I am 20 years now clean and sober...so yes I did go the other way for awhile and it was miserable. I sometimes wish I could help other young people but the "system" rebukes any free help I am willing to give. Sigh

[Spurt]

---

@Stormygirl wrote:

@Spurt You touched on alot of truths...and cycles tend to repeat themselves. The memories and experiences shaped me in some ways and my relationships with humans. My secret I will tell you I was afraid to say.....I am 20 years now clean and sober...so yes I did go the other way for awhile and it was miserable. I sometimes wish I could help other young people but the "system" rebukes any free help I am willing to give. Sigh

---

@Stormygirl

CONGRATULATTIONS for being clean and sober!!! GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!  You would be such an asset to these kids to be able to share your story....That's why my friend thinks the Church Programs are more effective many of the counselors have been there and can really relate to the kids.....

What was so frustrating to my friend is she spent a lot of time cousneling, taking the kids to supervised visits with parents that were drug addicts/alcoholics who wanted their kids back, moving kids from shelter to shelter, and checking up on the kids.....But what did she get in return for caring, being reprimanded by her Supervisor for being a bit behind in her PAPERWORK....PAPERWORK....instead of worrying about the lives of the kids that's the mentality of "the system"!!!  I spent a lot of time listening and allowing my friend to vent, and encouraging her that she was making a difference even if her Supervisor didnt think so....

[Stormygirl]

@Spurt OMG YES! I saw so many councelors burn out.......so task oriented and oh yes only "the paper trail counts, not the kids. Is the kids in these situations that ultimately lose out and the burn-out by the helping professions, especially that kind is immense. Can one imagine me straddled with a baby whilst addicted and homeless? I couldnt and the losers I attracted like flies. Sometime I would love to talk to you as I cant say all on these boards as I still have that inner child fear of being judged....no surprise as I spent a lifetime being judged by the upper crust. I still fear every day being one paycheck from homeless. The fear is sometimes paralyzing. Being disabled puts me back in that "vulnerable" state yes.

[Spurt]

---

@Stormygirl wrote:

@Spurt OMG YES! I saw so many councelors burn out.......so task oriented and oh yes only "the paper trail counts, not the kids. Is the kids in these situations that ultimately lose out and the burn-out by the helping professions, especially that kind is immense. Can one imagine me straddled with a baby whilst addicted and homeless? I couldnt and the losers I attracted like flies. Sometime I would love to talk to you as I cant say all on these boards as I still have that inner child fear of being judged....no surprise as I spent a lifetime being judged by the upper crust. I still fear every day being one paycheck from homeless. The fear is sometimes paralyzing. Being disabled puts me back in that "vulnerable" state yes.

---

@Stormygirl

My friend finally got burned out and gave up!!!  And when a news story happens about one of these kids they continue to talk about the need to staff these agencies properly....but that's all it is.....talk!!! 

Don't worry about what the "upper crust" thinks....many of them are unhappy and miserable with their lives ...... You should be proud of what you have accomplished! I wish all the best for you!  (Can't get political here or I would say a lot more.... )