When to reveal your finances when dating. - Page 10

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I'm with you mama.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Snoopp wrote:
She should be able to give somewhat vague answers about her finances at this point. He can ascertain some things about her from her lifestyle as well and get an idea of how she is doing financially. Once she is engaged she can give more specifics like income and debt.

@Snoopp

WHY should he spend money on an engagement ring before knowing what he's getting into? I think he should make an informed decision with at least the basic facts. If there are red flags (on anything), what is he supposed to do with that diamond ring he no longer needs?

Doesn't anyone else think that would be ridiculous?

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

I do Tinkrbell44!

Yesterday when I saw the original post I thought it was someone the daughter was possibly casually dating and I thought it was too soon but reading this morning it doesn't appear to be the case. I have not read every single response but I in agreement that these facts should be discussed between them prior to an engagement!

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@beckyb1012 wrote:
If he is so concerned she should tell him she will disclose her recent financial statement when he produces his. However, I see no reason providing what is usually a yearly document for someone who has not asked you to spend the rest of your life with.
There is so much more to a person's worth than just what their yearly income is.

I would not feel comfortable about the constant asking because even someone who has a very good "bottom line" would have more class than to continually pursue this conversation with another person.

@beckyb1012

He has already explained his finances to her ... it's the daughter that is being evasive.

I think it's possible that if the daughter is unable to discuss money appropriately, it's possible she is too immature to even consider marriage.

Many marriages crumble because of money issues .... and this couple is already showing the signs ....

pitdakota · ‎03-16-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Snoopp wrote:
She should be able to give somewhat vague answers about her finances at this point. He can ascertain some things about her from her lifestyle as well and get an idea of how she is doing financially. Once she is engaged she can give more specifics like income and debt.
@Snoopp

WHY should he spend money on an engagement ring before knowing what he's getting into? I think he should make an informed decision with at least the basic facts. If there are red flags (on anything), what is he supposed to do with that diamond ring he no longer needs?

Doesn't anyone else think that would be ridiculous?

______________________________________________________

I don't think anyone has said he has to buy her a diamond ring before she divulges her specific finances. I said when they are seriously talking about becoming engaged. They can certainly talk about principles of how they manage money and what financial goals they might have but up until the point they are seriously talking about getting married I am of the opinion she is not obligated to fill him in on the details of her finances.

I assume from the OP that her daughter does well and may have a very nice nest egg tucked away. Maybe, maybe not. But talking about finances is different than her telling him specifics as to how much money she has in stock, bonds, bank accounts, saving accounts, annuities, or any other financial holdings she may have.

I do think he has a right to know that if and when they discuss the possibility of getting married. But from what I infer from the OP's post, that is not where they are right now.

* Freedom has a taste the protected will never know *

pitdakota · ‎03-16-2010

@NativeJax wrote:
I am sorry, but why does mom need to get so involved with this? Is she a young, inexperienced woman who can't approach this head on?

I do understand the mothers concerns but mom's are supposed to be concerned for their children's well being. Suggestions or discussion with the daughter are valid but ultimately the daughter is the one who should address this with her mate/suitor, not her mom call his mom.

________________________________________________________

I took it because the OP is a co-owner of a business with her daughter. In that case, she might well have a concern that some guy might take advantage of the situation in a relationship with someone that is doing well in business. Which also happens to be her business and a source of income for the OP.

* Freedom has a taste the protected will never know *

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Maybe he is concerned she will not accept him if he is not a fiscally sound as her and he doesn't want to waste his time or hers if that could possibly be a deal breaker.

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Just because the daughter and parents are co-owners of a business doesn't mean that can't be separate from their finances. That is a separate issue but can easily be addressed and handled with a consult with an attorney.

terriebear · ‎09-26-2010

@LilyLu wrote:
She and I are the owners of the business. I just feel that until they plan on sharing the bills that her finances should not be of concern to him. I really don't think his concern is how much debt she has, I think his interest is more in how many assets she has.

@LilyLu

Since she is old enough to co-own a business with you, she is old enough to make her own decisions about when to share her life. This is not your concern at all. The fact that you co-own a business does not give you a say in when she shares that part of her life. If she comes to you for advice, give it, but it is only advice. The decision is hers. Why are you putting this on the forum? This is her decision, not yours!!

January121 · ‎03-21-2010

Basically, at this point it's none of his business!! .... sounds to me like he is looking for someone with money to help pay child support & possible alimony.... She should find someone without "baggage" who has a good job of his own and can support them on his own if she was not working .... also, if she is so "smitten" with her current BF she DEFINATELY needs a prenup before he puts a ring on her finger .... if he doesn't like having a prenup then she should tell him to take a hike .... marriage today is not like it was years ago ... she has to protect herself, her money & her future!!