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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,171
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.


@NYC Susan wrote:

@NativeJax wrote:
I never look at children as baggage. Baggage is something you check in at the airport. I hope she dumps this guy so he can find someone who wouldn't look at the fact he has a child as a piece of luggage.

 

I agree.  If I loved someone enough to be planning a future together, I would see his child as a wonderful bonus.  And I can't imagine walking away from a relationship just because he has a child.  A man having children would never be a deal-breaker for me.

 

I also question what "he has very little money" means.  How much is very little?  Compared to what?  It's all a matter of perception.  He may have less money than she does, but still be doing fine.

 

And I also agree with those who have speculated whether it's the mother who is concerned about this, or the daughter.


 

When I was younger it would be a deal breaker. Now  when older, I don't care since I have my own. (many in my age group do) I still wouldn't date men with young kids. (prefer high school age and on)

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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 96
Registered: ‎08-09-2010

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

@LilyLu, wow do I hear warning bells! I agree with you. I also think your daughter and her boyfriend need to sit down together before they commit and BOTH OF THEM go through their finances together with a financial counselor.....she should not take his word on the condition of his finances. It would be so easy for him to take advantage of her. Please listen to your instincts and protect your daughter. You can hope that he is really a lovely man....but still play it smart. Good luck!
Kate
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Posts: 3,493
Registered: ‎03-03-2011

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

I said it before....this song says it all and sounds like this boyfriend.

First I Look at the Purse

Some fellas look at the eyes
Some fellas look at the nose
Some fellas look at the size
Some fellas look at the clothes
I don't care if her eyes are red
I don't care if her nose is long
I don't care if she's underfed
I don't care if her clothes are worn
First I look at the purse!
Some fellas like the smiles they wear
Some fellas like the legs that's all
Some fellas like the style of their hair
Want their waist to be small.
I don't care if their legs are thin
I don't care if their teeth are big
I don't care if their hair's a wig
Why waste time lookin' at the waistline?
First I look at the purse!
A woman can be fat as can be,
kisses sweet as honey
But that don't mean a thing to me
If you ain't got no money
If the purse is fat that's where it's at
Some fellas like the way they walk
The way they swing and sway

Some fellas like the way they talk

Dig the things they say
I don't care if they wobble like a
Or talk with a lisp
I still think I'm a good lover
If the dollar bills are crisp
I don't care if you got yourself a rash
All I want is your pretty green cash
Bought me a suit, bought me a car
Want me to look like a Hollywood star
First I look at the purse!
 
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Valued Contributor
Posts: 980
Registered: ‎01-20-2013

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

@LilyLu

Never,  keep a secret until after the wedding.................no reason to tell

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Posts: 1,146
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

Never reveal  until til 4 carat ring on finger. 

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Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.


@Miranda1550 wrote:

@LilyLu

Never,  keep a secret until after the wedding.................no reason to tell


 

 

And if the guy were to keep secrets from the woman, because there was "no reason to tell", would that be equally fair?

 

  

 

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Posts: 13,428
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

The child is not 'baggage', but, as someone else here said, the 'ex' just might be.  (Not always, of course.  I'm sure there are a lot of very nice ex wives and ex husbands who are very fine people.)

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
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Posts: 13,428
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

[ Edited ]

'Show me the money'........(lol).  Seriously, a nice big diamond would show me that the BF spent a lot of time and money and effort to win over my heart. (lol again, said tongue-in-cheek).  Sometimes it's a matter of how ambitious a guy is; how much effort he put into getting 'the prize' (me).  And sometimes it prompts a future husband to value his mate, 'sort of' placing her on a long-term, life-long pedestal, so to speak.  Well, it's worth thinking about.  The nicest, genuinely kind husbands that I've seen have been treating their long-term wives with great respect.  Something for some young women to think about before marrying. 

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
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Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.


@ROMARY 1 wrote:

'Show me the money'........(lol).  Seriously, a nice big diamond would show me that the BF spent a lot of time and money and effort to win over my heart.  Sometimes it's a matter of how ambitious a guy is; how much effort he put into getting 'the prize' (me).  And sometimes it prompts a future husband to value his mate, 'sort of' placing her on a long-term, life-long pedestal, so to speak.  Well, it's worth thinking about.  The nicest, genuinely kind husbands that I've seen have been treating their long-term wives with great respect.  Something for some young women to think about before marrying.


 

 

 

So, the bigger the diamond, equals the more that a man loves a woman?

 

What if he can't afford a big honkin' diamond?

 

Is he supposed to go in to debt in order to "proove his love"?

 

Oh, that's right!

 

A person carrying any sort of debt is an undesirable trait in a mate.

 

My dad bought a ring that he could afford for my mom.

 

A small quarter carot diamond, and they were happily married for thirty years, until she passed away.

 

 

So, I ask again, does the bigger the diamond equal the more that a man loves a woman?

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Re: When to reveal your finances when dating.

Forgot to include another 'lol'.  Sort of said in a tongue-in- cheek sort of way..........A nice ring within reason, of course.  But, it's always worth a try for young women.  I guess we see too many of them driving around their boyfriends around here, paying for everything.  Gee, guys are sure lucky now-a-days.   I'm always saying: Reach for the shiny apple on the tree, not the ones on the ground.  But it's just my way of telling teens to be careful, don't be the one driving around (and paying for) their boyfriends.  Let the boys do 'something' to win a date.  Etc., etc.  Just my observations in my area.  Not all areas and people are the same, for sure.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).