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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,210
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

I hold my tongue a lot around my parents because they will never change anyways. But I do have coffee, etc with my brothers without them.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,997
Registered: ‎03-25-2012

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

On 12/27/2014 ROMARY 1 said:

Ford: Sorry about this. I wouldn't call again. Just sit home and see what happens. Maybe one of them will wonder why you're not there with them and call you. OR, you can be brave and just show up! Act as though you heard the conversation and assume that you were included in the get-together. The choice is yours. I'm on the fence as to what I would do, though.

I don't drive, I don't even have a car. I just talked to one of my daughters and she said it's not going to be a big deal, they just want to give my other daughter's kids their presents and will probably make sandwiches and leave shortly afterwards. My sick daughter might not even be able to get out of bed. I'm fine with just staying home, I'm tired too. Thanks, Romary.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,202
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

My 'husband gave me fairly expensive pearls and my mother in law made a comment why she doesn't go anywhere. Thank goodness we lived in California and her in Minnesota.

My son wanted to give me a cell phone last year. In case of emergency. I said no. No one will call and I would have to carry a purse or have something with pockets on a walk. I did take a laptop but don't know how to do everything. As you can see by my slipups here.

We hadn't been married too long and I saw my husband cut out sayings etc. I thought something to put them in would be nice to save them in but no he never used it and still saves.

He doesn't like new clothes either but won't throw anything away. DH

I am not 80 yet--a few years to go I don't want to have a Keurig either--too much of a hassle.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,442
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

On 12/26/2014 ROMARY 1 said:

Sometimes folks (including me/myself) like the good old-fashioned gadgets! I'd box it up and re-gift it or return it. Some stores (QVC, etc.) will return, even after being used. p.s. It's very common that some (not all) seniors don't want new, different items. I love my electric and stove top percolators. I love scooping out the coffee, and packing the percolator basket. The aromaSmile while doing this is wonderful...........

Percolators make the best coffee. I just bought a new one about a month ago.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,420
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

Despite the fact I put a lot of time and effort into picking out (what I consider to be) the right gift, I'm sure the recipient wasn't always as enthused about it as I was. Often times I've received gifts I thought "what was the giver thinking?" I've always tried to hide my disappointment, puzzlement or lack of enthusiasm. For the most part of been successful but there have been times I've probably (unintentionally) hurt someone's feeling.

I have learned the older we get, the less likely we are to use filters. It's just part of life.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,824
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

I don't think you should take this personally. I think you have to resign yourself to the fact your father is older, and he is not interested in the challenge of learning anything new. Whatever way he makes coffee now, is just fine, and he does not feel the need for another alternative to making coffee. My mom grew up using stovetop percolators to perk coffee on the stove, but adapted well to an electric percolator. She was totally resistant to a Mr Coffee, until the store where my dad worked, put one in the break room, and my dad came home talking about how good the coffee was in the new coffee pot at work. When he insisted mom get one, she moved into a new world of brewing coffee. I know she is very comfortable with the method she is using now, so I would never think of trying to sell her to a Keurig, as I know what a waste of time that would be for me. I am 59, and have absolutely no interest in a Keurig; my Cuisinart is perfectly fine, and I don't need a new modern gadget. I know I will be stubborn about updating things as I age, because I like what I like, and do not feel the need to have the latest and greatest of anything. My mother is 80, and is in a stage of life that is quite frustrating to me. I have accepted that I cannot fix, or change her, I can only do my best to help her in whatever way she will allow me to help her.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,136
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

many "older people" don't like the idea of the "newfangled stuff".....most don't see the need for electronic anything, they are quite happy with what they have because "it'll do".......you have to allow them that...........they have worked out their life in a way that is comfortable for them and when you really look at your gift, that's all you were trying to do......is make life comfortable for him........so follow his lead.........he's tellin ya what he wants and needs, just doesn't match yours.......mainly cause you have two different ideas of comfortable........but what he can't say is your not a good daughter, he knows you are................................................raven

We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,997
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

I think no more gifts for him. I think getting him food is the way to go now!

It is really hard to feel like you don't know the person you knew all your life. He is now a person who I don't really know anymore. He uses foul language to me and in front of me, which he NEVER did for all my life.

He does not have a filter anymore. He just says whatever pops into his mind, a lot of it not good! He was the most positive influence in my life till the last few years. My sister-in-law whips him up too. As to the coffee maker, I wouldn't be surprised if she brought the discussion to the cost of K cups. We were planning to provide him with them anyway.

He has been my hero all my life, and it has been SO HARD to have this as my last memories. Oh, I still have all the others, but this will be lasting too.

I'm not the first, and won't be the last to have this happen with parents.

My mother's wisdom kicks in a lot these days - "I've been where you're going."

Hyacinth {#emotions_dlg.sad}

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,000
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

hyacinth003, I understand how you feel. I have an uncle the same age as your Dad and no matter how innovative my cousins and I try to be he rejects most of the gifts and other items we purchase for him. He wants no parts of new technology, even items as simple as a clock that tells him what day and date it is ended up packed away in the closet. (He has short term memory loss and forgets what day it is.) I too thought of a Keurig for him, but he insists using instant coffee and was even annoyed when my cousins replaced his water kettle.

His 40 year old wall phone was failing and he has a hearing issue and won't wear his hearing aid. The only way that was corrected was to get him out of the house and replace the phone and quickly dispose of the old phone. He had no option but to use the new phone. We wanted him to have a cordless phone near his bed, and he tried it for a while, but one night it rang and being he wasn't used to it being there it scared him so it got packed away.

Unfortunately, even though I am only in my early 60s, I find myself starting to become the same way. While I love all the new technology, I am finding it somewhat complicated and I have little patience for anything I can't adapt to simply and quickly. My cell phone aggravates me to no end and even many the gadgets on my car annoy me. I figure if this stuff is so advanced it should be simple to understand and I shouldn't have to read an 100 page manual to figure it out.

Super Contributor
Posts: 2,010
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

My 80 year old father in law drinks gallons of instant coffee every day. He's not interested in fancy coffee making devices, no matter how much DH tells him how nice the coffee is, or makes it for him. FIL genuinely prefers instant.