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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,495
Registered: ‎05-03-2014

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

Hello, Hyacinth003. Smile

I'm sorry that your father didn't like the gift you got him. Since he didn't like it, maybe you can return it and buy something for someone else or buy something nice for yourself.

~Nick Chavez is my favorite vendor on QVC and Alberti Popaj is my favorite QVC host.~
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Valued Contributor
Posts: 927
Registered: ‎05-26-2011

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

Oh yes. I have had experience with this. Here is an example. My mother moved in with us and her first Christmas I bought her all kinds of new clothes. Matching tops and pants. They were really pretty and I spent a pretty penny for them. When we opened our presents she said. ""oh these are nice"" and just set them aside. A friend of mine stopped in and gave my Mom a little present. My mother opened the present and exclaimed with a big smile ""OH PUZZLE BOOKS. I LOVE THEM"" We laugh about it now.

No need to feel hurt. Just let it go.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 185
Registered: ‎12-31-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

I'm elderly -- well low eighties -- and I would love an IPOD -- mainly I admit because I love to read and the print in books is getting smaller every day at least to me. Also would like one of those keurigs but too cheap to buy it -- would worry about it breaking.

LOve my cordless phones but do have a corded one also on my desk. I would use that one if I have a special call and need to protect my privacy -- for example with SSN or something. Also I like that I can use that one even if the electricity goes off and the cordless do not work.

On the other hand My SIL who only lived to 62 would Never have or use a microwave or I guess a dishwasher. Same with my mother. After my SIL passed away, my brother got a microwave and uses it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,504
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

On 12/27/2014 hyacinth003 said:
On 12/27/2014 Holly Jolly JingleBells said:
On 12/27/2014 hyacinth003 said:
On 12/27/2014 Holly Jolly JingleBells said:
On 12/27/2014 hyacinth003 said:

I think no more gifts for him. I think getting him food is the way to go now!

It is really hard to feel like you don't know the person you knew all your life. He is now a person who I don't really know anymore. He uses foul language to me and in front of me, which he NEVER did for all my life.

He does not have a filter anymore. He just says whatever pops into his mind, a lot of it not good! He was the most positive influence in my life till the last few years. My sister-in-law whips him up too. As to the coffee maker, I wouldn't be surprised if she brought the discussion to the cost of K cups. We were planning to provide him with them anyway.

He has been my hero all my life, and it has been SO HARD t have this as my last memories. Oh, I still have all the others, but this will be lasting too.

I'm not the first, and won't be the last to have this happen with parents.

My mother's wisdom kicks in a lot these days - "I've been where you're going."

Hyacinth {#emotions_dlg.sad}

Goodness, I am surprised at such a selfish reaction. Obviously this is about more than a coffee maker. Your father's behavior now is obviously age-related and perhaps a medical issue. The majority of elderly people lose their filter, but it sounds like he has some symptoms of dementia, has he been examined for that? My dad started exhibiting agitation and irritability at times, was very short on patience when he had always been the most patient man. It wasn't constant but he had outbursts. These don't have to be your last memories with your dad, you can still have good ones, you just need to try to adapt to what he is experiencing. Of course you will remember some of the bad moments, but they don't need to be predominant, you can control that. As you said, you aren't the first and you won't be the last, but that doesn't make those moments any more pleasant. Try to focus on the father you knew, he's still in there. Some day you may be in his place and need people to be more understanding of you. Your dad still loves you and he needs you now more than ever, don't let your frustration get in the way of that.

For your peace of mind at my "selfish" reaction, I NEVER say anything TO my father about his behavior or how he's changed. I try to be tolerant of and understand all the changes he's exhibited.

Since I have been an RN for a long time, I have vast experience with changes related to the aging process. Lest you are concerned I am uneducated.

I don't think it's wrong for family members to VENT to others. As a matter of fact, I would encourage it and perhaps get support and feedback to keep on.

Every day, I wish I had my mother back to be even BETTER at understanding her struggles with a very long battle with multiple sclerosis.

Hyacinth {#emotions_dlg.crying}

Whoa, no need to attack me, my post was no attack on you, in fact I have been in your place. Don't worry about my peace of mind, I'm not the one upset with my father over a stupid coffee maker. Who said anything about you speaking to your father about his behavior? Certainly not me, but I would hope as an RN you would know better. Since you say you have a VAST experience with changes due to the aging process why are you so angry? Your complaints seem to make this all about you, rather than any concern for what your dad wants or would make him happy. Oh, by the way, I'm also not concerned about your education, although your propensity for assumption and misinterpretation is interesting. I never said it's wrong to vent either. I wish I had my mother back every day too, and now my father. Since you still have your father, why not appreciate the good things about him while you can.

I think when you say "goodness, I am surprised at such a selfish reaction" that you were ABSOLUTELY intending it to be an attack. So, goodness, don't be surprised at the reaction you got.

Don't worry about responding. I will not post back.

Hyacinth

Hyacinth, I agree. I definitely took the post as a slap at you, so it isn't just your perception. People have to be able to take as well as dish it out. I'm not buying that the post was not intended to be a slap. Nor does the nose-blowing impress or intimidate me.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all
Valued Contributor
Posts: 608
Registered: ‎12-12-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

OP, you're a nurse so you certainly know better than me, but I was wondering if your dad recently had a thorough check up. The coffee maker incident is one thing, but the fact that he now curses in front of you bothers me. That may be more than just aging.

I hope you don't let your obnoxious s-i-l get to you. She sounds awful.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 608
Registered: ‎12-12-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

On 12/27/2014 kingtut said:

I'm elderly -- well low eighties -- and I would love an IPOD -- mainly I admit because I love to read and the print in books is getting smaller every day at least to me. Also would like one of those keurigs but too cheap to buy it -- would worry about it breaking.

LOve my cordless phones but do have a corded one also on my desk. I would use that one if I have a special call and need to protect my privacy -- for example with SSN or something. Also I like that I can use that one even if the electricity goes off and the cordless do not work.

On the other hand My SIL who only lived to 62 would Never have or use a microwave or I guess a dishwasher. Same with my mother. After my SIL passed away, my brother got a microwave and uses it.

You sound like a wonderful and youthful lady. I want to be like you when I get older.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,063
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

My Mom lived in a Retirement Home and she could have all the coffee she wanted and it didn't cost her anything. We got her a small coffee and she would make coffee a few times but coffee was always available.

And there was no one left to speak out for me....
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,959
Registered: ‎05-13-2012

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

The elderly can be very set in their ways and are not wanting any new gadgets. Please don't take it personally. Simple gifts are the best.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,970
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

On 12/27/2014 hyacinth003 said:

I think no more gifts for him. I think getting him food is the way to go now!

It is really hard to feel like you don't know the person you knew all your life. He is now a person who I don't really know anymore. He uses foul language to me and in front of me, which he NEVER did for all my life.

He does not have a filter anymore. He just says whatever pops into his mind, a lot of it not good! He was the most positive influence in my life till the last few years. My sister-in-law whips him up too. As to the coffee maker, I wouldn't be surprised if she brought the discussion to the cost of K cups. We were planning to provide him with them anyway.

He has been my hero all my life, and it has been SO HARD to have this as my last memories. Oh, I still have all the others, but this will be lasting too.

I'm not the first, and won't be the last to have this happen with parents.

My mother's wisdom kicks in a lot these days - "I've been where you're going."

Hyacinth {#emotions_dlg.sad}

Many of the things you describe here are very common with dementia. Have you had him evaluated?

What is his favorite brand of coffee that he uses in his coffee maker? I would return the Keurig and then buy him a big ole container of that coffee and a coffee mug with "The Best Dad in the World" on it. Meet him where he is at right now, not where you want him to be. You never know how much more time you will have him, so enjoy him and treasure these moments right now. I would give anything to have my father to be doting on over the holidays. I miss him more than words can express.


* Freedom has a taste the protected will never know *
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 2,621
Registered: ‎04-14-2010

Re: When someone doesn't want the gift you gave them

I wouldn't take it personally. It's disappointing, yes, but the fact that he doesn't like it isn't personal. I totally agree with Marienkaefer2--He is probably just set in his ways and doesn't want to bother with doing things differently at this point in his life.

However, if you feel hurt, you are entitled to those feelings. But try to let it go...He obviously isn't losing any sleep over how you feel about it. Bless your heart for trying to make his life easier.