What would you do?

Pqfan · ‎03-09-2010

Someone keeps complaining to me about someone that is cleary wrong for them and I used to give advice but they never listened to it.

Don't you think it is time I shut up?

Do I listen and just not give any advice or tell them I don't even want to hear it anymore?

I feel bad just listening and letting them flounder looking for help but what is the point if they don't even listen?

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

I guess it all depends on what your relationship is, and how telling them something, they don't want to hear ,will affect it?

If you tell you don't want to hear it, that might end your friendship.

I would gently ask them how you can help, since they don't take your advice,

Redboots · ‎10-11-2016

Do they really want help or just someone to listen to them? That's hard to determine, but key to making a decision about what you should do. Maybe just gently ask them what they think they should do and support them or counsel them.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

You can't fix stupid.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

I agree it depends on your relationship and how close you are.

If she is looking to vent, I personally would not have much time for that.

If she is sincerely looking for an opinion and/or help, I personally would invest some more effort with her.

My advice is to flat out ask: "Do you just want to vent or do you really want to listen to what I would do in your situation?"

Her response (verbal or otherwise) will usually speak volumes as to whether or not you want to give anymore of your day to her.

Good Luck!

beckyb1012 · ‎03-09-2010

This may be how they prefer their life, Drama.

Your time is too valuable to continue listen to someone who does not listen to you.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

Are they really looking for advise or just venting? Either way, it's time to just keep quiet. Just tell them you don't have any advise or answers. The relationship will fizzle on its own.

Pqfan · ‎03-09-2010

Thanks so much everyone.

I think they just want to vent because they are afraid to stand up to their person.

I have basically become the dumping ground for their vents and they at like nothing is wrong when they speak to their partner.

The problem with that is I have my own issues and things that need to be focused on and I don't have the heart to tell them to stop venting.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Pqfan Nothing like a little honesty. The "someone" asks for an opinion, but clearly is not willing to take the advice you are giving. I would let them know that you have given all the advice you have to give and hope that they can sort out their feelings and come to a decision that's best for them. If the requests for advice continue, I'd say I have no other suggestions other than what I've given you. Eventually they'll get the point & stop asking.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Pqfan wrote:
Thanks so much everyone.

I think they just want to vent because they are afraid to stand up to their person.

I have basically become the dumping ground for their vents and they at like nothing is wrong when they speak to their partner.

The problem with that is I have my own issues and things that need to be focused on and I don't have the heart to tell them to stop venting.

@Pqfan You can't control their vent. Just have something else or somewhere else to go or do when she starts and she'll hopefully get the message that your ear is closed for business.