Community Chat

[sunshine45]

we had a surprise birthday party for my moms 75th last november. we ended up having it at a favorite seafood restaurant of ours and we had it during lunchtime on a saturday. we never asked her if she wanted one or not, but we wanted some family and friends to celebrate a milestone birthday. we got her there by my brother saying he was really craving seafood and wanted to go.....she never turns him down. LOL having it during lunch made it a bit more casual. we ordered invitation cards that had her current picture and a photo of when she was about 3 years old.

she absolutely enjoyed it, was VERY surprised,  and the party lasted almost 4 hours! it was a wonderful way for her to catch up with her friends and family in person for a change.

of course, everyone is not the same, but it was a fun afternoon for all of us.

[RedTop]

Since your mom said she didn't want a party, I don't see a problem.   

I for one am not into parties of any kind, period.   If I said I didn't want a party, my family would know better than to try to surprise me, as the surprise would likely be on them when I walked out and left.   

[Nancy Drew]

What is the end game? To please the step father what he wants or to please the mother. She as asked if she wanted a party and she said "No". Why not honor her wishes and make her happy. 

[chickenbutt]

Wow, I TOTALLY agree with honoring HER wishes.  

This reminds me of the deal where somebody specifies 'NO GIFTS', yet there are always those who insist on bringing gifts - 'Oh, I couldn't possibly arrive without a gift' - thus making it about that person and disrespecting the wishes of the host/s.

If I stated that I did not want a party and somebody did it anyway, I would not only be angry, but I would be embarrassed.   Don't let anybody make it about them.  It's her birthday, so it should be about her.

I might ask if there is anything that she WOULD like to do, like go to dinner or something, but I wouldn't force anything on her.  That is just so disrespectful and selfish.

[september]

I would honor her wishes.  I had one surprise party, and it was very awkward for me, when I saw who had been invited!  Clearly, the person throwing the party wasn't thinking of me.  He was thinking of who he wanted to have at the party.  

i would have have prefered a nice dinner out with just a few  family members and close friends.  

[IMW]

As I get older I realize that people usually mean what they say. 

Respect her wishes and  go out for a fancy dinner show etc. I would HATE a surprise party.

[NickNack]

I would absolutely do what she wants.  I would encourage her to at least do a small celebration of some sort though.  My sister and I had a surprise party for my dad's 80th birthday, and it was a success.  He was completely surprised and pleased.  If your mother doesn't want one, though, I wouldn't want to surprise her with it.

[missy1]

No surprise party.

How about having fine dining delivered? 

[scotnovel]

I think if her husband wants to give her a party that it should be up to him to decide whether to support her wishes or to do something special for her which seems to be important to him.    I wouldn't interfere and would let him (or others that he might ask) put the party together.  

[Desi]

If no one plans this, it won't happen and that is how it should be IMO. How would your step-dad feel if you all went ahead with this and your mom felt so ill she spent the entire time in her bed? I know how it is with a parent who doesn't feel well. I think it sounds like too much and she doesn't want it. If you can handle your step-dad being miffed about you spilling the beans, ask your mom what she wants. Maybe she would like to eat out. If it's just immediate family and she feels sick it's no big deal to reschedule last minute. If you invite people you'd have to go and leave her home on her BD - how awful would that be for her?