Community Chat

[Kachina624]

I would assume that no means NO.

[Marp]

@mima, if you tell your mom that you would like to take her to dinner for this milestone birthday would she be agreeable?  If so you/someone could then arrange for a FEW to join you for dessert.  The dessert gathering would still essentially be a surprise but not in an intimidating or uncomfortable way.

[ECBG]

Since Father's Day is coming up, I'd do a cookout and invite their closest friends.  No more than eight or ten and have homemade ice cream for dessert.

[Sunarrow685]

I would honor her wishes and would hope she would like some family with  her

to celebrate her special day.

l think that is great that they are both together to enjoy one another ❤️

[freakygirl]

how about let one of your birthday gifts to her be respecting her wishes. stepdad means well but her personal happiness shouldn't trump his. if I was afforded respect and importance especially on my special day, that would mean my family loves and honors me.

[Perkup]

Spoiler

Voice of experience here.  I am 81, and although I love my family and friends I honestly don't feel like a party of any kind.  I would appreciate something very quiet - a nice luncheon for two or three others, or maybe a quiet dinner with just a few special people.  Nothing expensive, nothing noisy, nothing surprising.  And the right to cancel at the last minute if It happens to be an off day when I just don't feel like it.  Phone calls and cards are just as much appreciated as gifts. Listen to your Mom. She knows what's good for her these days.

[Noel7]

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@mima wrote:

My mom doesn't want a birthday party.  As I stated on another thread, she is turning 80 in a couple weeks.  My stepdad wanted to have a party for her and she said no.  So he thinks it is alright for someone else to have a "surprise" party for her and he won't be in trouble. He said we can have it and he would pay for it. 

I hate surpise parties and I wouldn't want one either. 

Would you go along with him and go ahead with it?  I personally want to get mom's opinions to see if she really wants a party or not.  Maybe she would want one if it isn't at their house?  It would be a lot of work for her!

She doesn't feel good a lot and it would be bad if it was a bad day for her on the day of the "surprise" party.

I just don't think you should have a surprise party if the person doesn't want it.

I would rather just like to ask her and have it NOT be a surprise.  He is all secretive about it like it is going to happen. 

Help!

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@mima

I agree with you, no party, and quite possibly a surprise party would be even worse.

I also agree that the thing to do is to ask her rather than end up making her miserable on her birthday.

How about suggesting an alternative celebration?  A dinner at a nice restaurant for close friends and family.  It could be small if that's what she would prefer.

[Noel7]

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@GingerPeach wrote:

Like everyone has said, @mima, honor your mom's wishes.

She is like a lot of us who do not want parties, much less surprises.  It would not be a happy event for her.

Maybe a lunch or dinner or something of that sort would be more appreciated.  Of course check with her first.

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GMTA 

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[Jleah]

If it were me, I'd take her and your stepfather out for a nice lunch or dinner. I'd also bring a small cake and get the waiter to bring it out at the end of the meal. My brother and I (with our spouses) do this for our mom on her birthday, and she really enjoys it. She doesn't like a big fuss, and she doesn't always feel well, so she is not one to want a party, either. 

[hckynut]

Who's birthday is it, your mom's or step dad's. Sounds like a simple solution to me. If he plans a secret surprise? Spill the beans to your mom, and tell him upfront your intentions.

Someone that knows I do not like parties, much less has one? They would be minus 1 person! ME

hnj