What would you do about this Birthday Party problem?

mima · ‎03-14-2010

My mom doesn't want a birthday party. As I stated on another thread, she is turning 80 in a couple weeks. My stepdad wanted to have a party for her and she said no. So he thinks it is alright for someone else to have a "surprise" party for her and he won't be in trouble. He said we can have it and he would pay for it.

I hate surpise parties and I wouldn't want one either.

Would you go along with him and go ahead with it? I personally want to get mom's opinions to see if she really wants a party or not. Maybe she would want one if it isn't at their house? It would be a lot of work for her!

She doesn't feel good a lot and it would be bad if it was a bad day for her on the day of the "surprise" party.

I just don't think you should have a surprise party if the person doesn't want it.

I would rather just like to ask her and have it NOT be a surprise. He is all secretive about it like it is going to happen.

Help!

bri20 · ‎03-10-2016

I would ask her and honor her wishes. Your step dad means well.

deepwaterdotter · ‎03-09-2010

I wouldn't be a part of planning the party.

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

My mother is 91. She did not want a party at 50, 80, or 90. Us kids & our father honored my mother wishes.

The only thing she wanted us to do was to find her a young buck who could keep up w/her!!! My brother told me the other day, that when mom turns 95 he is going to hire a male escort & wants me to pick him out.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

It's most important to respect her wishes.

mima · ‎03-14-2010

@bri20 wrote:
I would ask her and honor her wishes. Your step dad means well.

That's what I want to do. I do know he means well. He wants it a surprise and won't be happy if I tell her.

RainyDayGal · ‎03-09-2010

If her reason for maybe not wanting a party is because it would be a lot of work to have it at her house, maybe she would agree to someone else's house. And something SMALL! But I would definitely ask her first and find out if that would be OK, or if she truly wants nothing at all. It's all about Mom. :-)

hovis · ‎10-24-2014

Why don't you have a few friends and family over. Keep it low keyed. I think she would be disappointed if no one acknowleged her 80th birthday. I know she says she doesn't want one but like I said keep it on the quiet side.

GingerPeach · ‎03-12-2010

Like everyone has said, @mima, honor your mom's wishes.

She is like a lot of us who do not want parties, much less surprises. It would not be a happy event for her.

Maybe a lunch or dinner or something of that sort would be more appreciated. Of course check with her first.

[was Homegirl] Love to be home . . . thus the screen name. Joined 2003.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I wouldn't be a part of this at all, unless it is discussed with her first.

I think, because of her age, and because she doesn't feel well sometimes, that planning anything to 'surprise' her is difficult at best.

It is her big day, and should be about what she wants, not what others want to do.

I'd get the most important members of the family together with her, and try to find something to celebrate her milestone, that suits her and what she would like. Perhaps she wants everyone together, or just a select few. Whatever it is, it should be what she does or doesn't want that is given top priority. Trying to do a 'surprise' at this time is pretty much a recipe for disaster.