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Honored Contributor
Posts: 60,268
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: What should she do?

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Nothing to be done and as far as I can see there's no reason for the overwhelming extent to which blame is being placed on him. He was content with companionship and an unofficial relationship, she wasn't. That doesn't make him the bad guy. Not every relationship has to end with a march down the aisle. Some people just are not looking for marriage or even for a live-in arrangement, and that doesn't make them 'wrong'.


In my pantry with my cupcakes...
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,497
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I can't help but wonder if the relationship started out with both parties in agreement of a more or less separate but together arrangement but over time the woman decided she wanted only together and thought she could or did change him.

 

I don't have specific recollection of the thread but this sounds very much like the circumstances set forth in that thread.  Maybe two or three years ago.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Are you setting an example or being an example?
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,608
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Get tested for STIs.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 775
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

I feel bad for your friend. It is not easy to find someone else at her age,expecially now that we can't go out much. 

Maybe he was staying with her, hoping he would  eventually meet the perfect soul mate. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,743
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: What should she do?

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Some men..and women will never marry or live with anyone.  It's just not what they want in life.  If you push or suggest that you want this and they should too, they will leave.

 

I have a son who is like this.  He is not a jerk, and  doesn't lead women on.  It's just who he is. He likes to live alone.

 

I suggest the friend just move on with her life.  She and her ex do not have the same wants or needs in life.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,329
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

All you can do is be a friend. If they would start talking again, I'd remain neutral while they work through it. Personally, I think she's better off, but I wouldn't say that to her.

Super Contributor
Posts: 266
Registered: ‎06-13-2010

Re: What should she do?

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@Goodie2shoes I believe 2021 will be better.  With the vaccine now in distribution, things will start opening up again over the next year. I suggest she give herself some time to heal, which will probably include important realizations about herself, who she was in that relationship and what she wants for herself now.  Journaling helps.  Physical activity helps, even just a daily walk around the neighborhood. I would encourage her to start making some plans for herself and to write them down or develop a vision board.  I bet there are some things she's always wanted to do - get a makeover, make a roadtrip, take an online class.  Online counseling is also available and there is an abundance of information from reputable sources available on YouTube.  

Valued Contributor
Posts: 838
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Do?  She should live her life.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,378
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

I think she should be thankful to have her feelings hurt now, rather than later, if what she had in mind for them had actually materialized.   

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,936
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: What should she do?

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I'm having trouble trying to figure out why marriage at 65 would even be an issue. It's not like they are going to be starting a family. At that age hopefully both are financially stable, have a place to live and food on the table. A relationship for travel, friendship, activities and companionship was already there. What would marriage bring to the table? I ask this in all seriousness as I really don't understand the need for marriage in our later years.


'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown