Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,226
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

When people are older and in a relationship it is different.  You are not having children and building a future together so a lot of people would rather keep things simple.  There was a couple in my neighborhood who were (seniors) in a relationship and they lived a few houses from each other.  They never moved in together or married.  They would walk down to each others house and kept it simple.  When each died there was no problem with children fighting over their inheritance etc...I guess the problem with the couple you posted about never in four years stated what they wanted from each other or expected.  It is a shame that the guy did not just tell her how he felt and let her decide if she wanted to continue.  Maybe he just used that as an excuse to get out of it.  If he cared for her he would not have done it that way.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,212
Registered: ‎02-05-2011

It's easy to give advice to move on but at that age it's not that easy especially during these times.  Wasted four years?  Probably not, I'm sure they had many good times together or she would not have stayed in the relationship.  As we age companionship is a good thing and that may be what she will miss most.  All you can do is be there for her.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,409
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

She should do her grieving and then move on with her life.  She could also count her blessings that the guy did not marry her.

Fear Is Incomplete Knowledge---Agatha Christie
Posts: 53
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: What should she do?

[ Edited ]

I know a woman who dated a man who wasn't ready for marriage.  He (said he) loved her but didn't want to marry.  She gave him an ultimatum, so they married.  Now they are divorced.  


I'm not sure if the rug was pulled out from under your friend.  The signs should have been there the 4 years they were together.  Though it's difficult for her right now, it's a good thing he didn't comply with what she wanted and then ended the relationship. That would have made it much more difficult.  If she had uncertainty before, she now knows they weren't as compatible as she thought. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,671
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@2Kittys wrote:

Is it possible that he met someone new, and wanted out of the 4 years?He jumped pretty fast as soon as she said something. That's too bad.



OR is also involved with someone else at the same time......i have seen this happen often, especially with older women and men. women especially sometimes will ignore the signs.

"I would prefer even to to fail with honor than win by cheating." - Sophocles
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,380
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

If he is going to cut off the relationship over a discussion, most likely marriage would have been waiting for the next boulder to drop.  No thanks.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,935
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

@Goodie2shoes   What do YOU think she "should" do?


She wanted one thing, he wanted another.  Communication was the problem, not him, not her.


End of story.

""Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,685
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

he was happy with the way it was, she wanted more he didn't.


she's lucky he didn't back out once they had a place together.


sometimes things work out as intended,  she is better off this way 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,877
Registered: ‎05-18-2017

@Goodie2shoes  - As others have mentioned, seems like there would have been signs during the 4 years that the relationship was not going further.  Good thing it did not go longer than 4 years.


I also agree with others that have stated that you don't have to have a man in your life.   Whatever she does, if he's feeling lonely one night and wants female companionship, I sure hope she doesn't comply. 


You are a good friend and she's lucky to have you.  Hope she feels better soon. 



Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,099
Registered: ‎05-22-2016

'He's just not that into you'... move on already, don't dwell on it and accept  that sometimes we just make mistakes.