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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,889
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

@Goodie2shoes wrote:

A friend of mine is having a hard time this holiday season and I am lost for words to tell her.  She was in a relationship  for 4 years up until the first week of November when her guy just ended the relationship simply because she mentioned they think. about getting a place together or considering marriage in the fall of next year.  They were such a cute couple and always seemed very happy. I feel so bad for her, she was blindsided, had no clue this was coming.  I know time will heal her broken heart. Another sad 2020 story. I do hope 2021 is a better year


 

I don't think "simply" applies here.  It's a big deal that she wanted to live together or get married, and he didn't  That's not a trivial reason for a relationship to end.  If they want different things, they're not well-suited.  

 

Also - No one other than the two of them knows the details of their relationship, what was said or not said along the way, etc.  Maybe he had made himself clear before, and she pushed for it.  Or maybe they hadn't ever discussed it, and he just wasn't interested in moving forward in that way.

 

Yes, time will heal her broken heart.  It's certainly understandable that this is hard for her.  But she shouldn't want to be with someone who no longer wants to be with her.  There's really not much you can say or do other than be a supportive friend.  Listen to her when she wants to talk, distract her when that's what she needs, and help her move forward when she's ready.  It's kind of you to care so much. She's lucky to have you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,359
Registered: ‎07-09-2011

It’s easy to say / think walk away, and don’t waste another moment on the creep.

 

Hard to do when your heart is involved.

 

Sending your friend healing thoughts, and courage to do what’s 

best for her wellbeing.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,967
Registered: ‎06-06-2019

@Goodie2shoes wrote:

A friend of mine is having a hard time this holiday season and I am lost for words to tell her.  She was in a relationship  for 4 years up until the first week of November when her guy just ended the relationship simply because she mentioned they think. about getting a place together or considering marriage in the fall of next year.  They were such a cute couple and always seemed very happy. I feel so bad for her, she was blindsided, had no clue this was coming.  I know time will heal her broken heart. Another sad 2020 story. I do hope 2021 is a better year


She should have figured out at some point during those four years the topic was not spoken of or mentioned (esp by him) that it would go no further.  Don't see how it was such a surprise to her.  As to what she SHOULD do, it's over and done.  Deal with it and move on.  She made it too comfortable for him.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,480
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

She seems to have had the best of both worlds, as did he. By their age they each have established personal habits and preferences. Combining two homes, what to keep,what to discard becomes an issue. Even paint colors and closet space can create disharmony.  

 

If in four years he hadn't alluded to living together, much less marriage, she shouldn't have been blindsided, she should have known.

 

I suppose you could tell her she's now free to find someone who will want the same lifestyle she wants rather than wasting  her time on a relationship that's going nowhere.

 

 

 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,531
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@Goodie2shoes ...There isn't much you can say or do that will heal her broken heart.  You are a good friend and that is what you need to continue to be for her.  Comfort her but don't give her the typical words most people do..."You'll meet someone else, etc."  He wasn't very nice to end it so abruptly which makes me believe he isan't the nice guy you all thought he was.  There is one problem and that is the age.  It isn't easy finding someone in your sixties, but hey, one never knows what is around the corner, I'm just sorry she wasted four years on this one.

 

Believe me I know how she feels, I lost the love of my life and it took me two years to get over him, but I survived and moved on and so will she.  

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 110
Registered: ‎11-13-2020

Is it possible that he met someone new, and wanted out of the 4 years?He jumped pretty fast as soon as she said something. That's too bad.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,374
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Women, for the most part want that exclusive relationship but what is the big deal about having to live with or marry  when things are going fine?  Some women need that "ownership".  Nothing wrong with leaving things the way they were.  All the negatives from marrying and moving in together will surface and problems start because both are used to living alone    and often want to change the other's life habits.  I wouldn't put it all on him for the breakup!  I have seen many great relationships ruined by marriage and living together.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,156
Registered: ‎03-15-2014

It's too bad she lost so much time with this fellow, though I'm sure she has happy memories.  You've advised her to move on, so what else can you do?  Find her a new beau?

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,959
Registered: ‎10-07-2013

She should have voted with her feet 2 years ago.  She wasted 4 years of her life on a one-way relationship.  Bad choice.  Time to move on.  Take many deep breaths.  Learn from this and try not to make the same mistake again.  That's what I would tell her.  She needs a little tough love and getting straightened out.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,807
Registered: ‎03-28-2015

Well...around here there are more single women than single men in this age group...

 

I think the men realize they don't need to commit. The women are happy to come over, clean his house and cook for him.....the men eat it up...

 

I don't know if it is for a need of male companionship or to supplement their income......it is both sad and funny.....